Lord Shadow

Chapter 1277 Being Honest II

But, he had ignored Katarina feeling for too long and by now it has become even cruel if he kept doing things like this.

If he does not like her, then maybe it is not that big of a deal. 

But he does like her and she likes him. 

And torturing her like this is never his intention. Azief thought that given enough time, she would find him boring, find him not the man she thought he was.

The only thing that connects them is their love for each other. 

But, Azief knows that sometimes love alone is not enough. There are too many people who marry for love and stay together for love, and it does not guarantee a happy ending.

Because to stay together, love alone is not enough. When they first met each other, they look at each other eyes and there was an instant connection.

But, Azief thought that Katarina was impressed by him and mistake that for love. But then Katarina encased herself and him inside a mountain of ice to preserve his life. 

At that time, Azief knows he had to take her feeling seriously. But he doesn’t want to cheat with her. 

He loves Sofia. And Sofia loves him. And at that time he was with her.

Whatever between her and Katarina, it is an unspoken connection. That kind of love is something that no reality could ever compare. 

But, it is because of that he was hesitant. Katarina is a pure naïve girl. She had suffered pain and suffering. Her pain might not be physical like her brother, but it is pain nonetheless.

She is sheltered but possess power that could shake the world. Maybe it is because she is so pure that she could advance that fast. 

his relationship with her has always been ambiguous. And the reason is simply because Azief wanted best of both worlds. 

He scarcely dares admit to himself that he loves both of them. And even if he dares thought of such, he does not dare to do it.

He could not do it. Sofia had been betrayed before and if there is one thing that Azief never wanted, it was to hurt her. 

But not hurting Sofia, means hurting Katarina. 

When he chose Sofia, he knew it would make Katarina in pain. 

But, he had to choose or it will never end. For some reason, in his premonition he believes that if he keeps doing that, one day, there would be a tragedy.

And when he went with Will to the future to see what he would become, he made a decision. He saw Sofia fighting against him and there is no one else he wanted to end his life if there ever comes a time where he became that “thing” he saw in the future 

It did not make him angry at her betrayal. Because he understood. The future him, looks more like a monster than a person 

And he did not mind that Sofia wanted to kill him. 

So, the moment he returns back to his time, right before he goes to Katarina, he wanted her to know that he was sure of her.

Before he went to the Seresian world, he does not know whether he could survive it. All he knows is that he is taking a great risk in going to the Seresian world.

And he knows that whatever he does, he must make sure Katarina is safe. He already had owed her too much. 

Azief……was ready to die and because of all of this possibilities, he wanted to meet Sofia, and wanted her to understand. 

Wanted her to be at ease. So he sought her and seek to marry her.

What he didn’t expect was that she would have rejected him and then even broke up with him. The ultimatum that she wants is something he could not fulfil. Azief believe that even Sofia knows that and that ultimatum is simply a reason for her to leave him

But he did not blame her. He is hurt by her but he could not blame her. They seem to hurt each other. 

All the promises that he once uttered now become a chain that binds them. She believes that he stays with her because of a promise. 

And letting him go is her act of love. Stil….it hurts 

And then he came here and there is Katarina. 

By now, he had nothing else to think about. 

So, he decided to just try it. He believed that Katarina would soon get bored of him, or find out that it is not him that he loves.

It seems that Azief underestimated Katarina love. Like herself, she is pure and so her love is also pure. 

And that is why a month ago, they decided to be together. 

They are taking it slow, step by step. 

As for him being in the Orvanian compound, it is because he had to practice and learn the knowledge of the Orvanians before going back home.

He does not want to complicate things too much now. All of this thought and contemplation appeared in his mind in just a second 

He sighed and then look at Katarina 

He grips that hand tighter and then he said

’There are many eyes watching me right now. I fear that if you keep staying beside me you would be implicated’ Katarina close her eyes for a second

Then she opens her eyes and sighed

’Let me decide that for myself’ Azief shakes his head. 

’How could you decide when you don’t really know the threat?’

Katarina leans her head on his shoulder. She snuggles up close to him and said

’If it’s you…. regardless of the danger…. let me be beside you’ Azief face hardened.

’And what about me? Knowing that I am putting you in danger, what should I feel? If something happens to you- ‘Katarina close his mouth with her hand

’I do not regret it’

Azief gently hold her hand and put her hand down.

’You may not. But I will’

Then he sighed. 

if this was like before he would push her away but he had learned that sometimes even that is not enough. 

Knowing Katarina, even if he pushed her away, her knowing his reason would never stop. And that would lead her to more danger

So, he could only sigh helplessly

’Doing this is wrong. Doing that is also wrong. And knowing your stubbornness there is nothing that I could say that would change you. So, let’s just walk forward…. together’ Katarina smiles as she closed her eyes

They are standing there just looking at the sunset. They did not say anything. They just look at the sky

Katarina knows that when Azief is like this he is thinking about a lot of things. So, she did not try to say anything. 

Katarina said nothing. She herself is the kind of woman that like silence. It reminded her of when she snuck out and went into a field.

The field is covered with snow and the only thing one could hear was the sound of the wind passing by, pushing the snow. 

She then looks at Azief and like always there is a frown on his forehead. She wanted to put her finger on that frown but she restrained herself. 

She does not know much about what problem he is facing but she knows that just being there, helped. 

Azief is not a man that spoke many words.

Even words of love. 

Though, when he tries to explain something, that is when he spoke a lot. The way he expresses his feeling is clumsy at times. But at times, he hits all the right notes.

Azief whatever his fault and his flaws, there is sincerity in his action to her. 

Many times, he tries to push her away. But at the same time, there is always hope that he had given her. 

When Azief chose Sofia, the feeling of having her heart broken is not pleasant.

But, she respected that. And of course, she tries to forget him. 

But love does not really have an on and off switch. Even if there is, Katarina doesn’t think that she would use it.

The happiness, the pain and the suffering in a way is a way for her to grow. She thought that time would heal her heart.

That is why she is so angry when he found out that Azief sent Sasha to look after her. Azief is decisive in many matters.

But if there is one matter that he could not be decisive about it is the choice between her and Sofia. 

Even after he had went with Sofia, he did these small things. 

And these small things accumulated in her heart. And that makes the love stronger, makes the pain stronger.

He wanted to let her go but could not let her go completely. He wanted to not care about her, but caring about her nonetheless. 

It is this wishy-washy manner of his that sometimes Katarina hated. 

The connection between them is not simply cut just because they did not see each other. Instead, it was always there. 

And then when they met again, it was like all of those unsaid words, unexpressed feelings all of them is about to explode. 

And that night, when Azief kiss her, it was like her Universe all come back into focus. It was like she is whole again.

All the heartbreaks, all the pain and suffering seems to be worth it.

And when she knows that Azief and Sofia break s up, even though she felt bad about it, there is also a hint of relief.

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