Lord Shadow

Chapter 1276 Being Honest I

after the Fall, he met Sofia. He met Na Eun. He met Katarina. And he felt loved. And he loved them

They all loved him in a different way and he too loved them in a different way. But one thing that did not change was that he appreciates it.

He knows how precious it is. And to be looked like that by Katarina, to see that gaze…. he never ever wanted to lose it.

Because of that, he did think of leaving her. Thinking of all the dangers that he would put her through

And then there is also something that has been bothering him since he goes to the future. In that future, when he saw the army of humanity facing him, most of the people facing him are people he knows.

Of course, there are also some faces he did not recognize but all of his old friends, all of his old acquaintance is there, minus a few

There is three people that he knew but is not there. In that vision of the future, there is no Hikigaya, Oreki and……Katarina.

He doesn’t want to think of the worse but when he thinks about it he could not help but think that the reason those three are not there is because they are dead. 

How did they die? Does it have something to do with him? Just thinking about her dying in his future make him filled with dread.

Azief then avert his gaze from her eyes

’Hey!’ she said as she pulls his sleeve. A month ago, something did happen between them.

Katarina told him to be honest with what he is feeling. He struggled of trying to be someone that will not hurt people who love him

But, he keeps hurting them. Katarina was honest with him. She is honest with her feelings. She knows where to draw the line but she also knows when the line should be erased.

To her, he is now no longer with Sofia. So, she makes her move. She is true to her feeling unabashedly. 

She told him what she wanted and she is not ashamed to fight for it. Azief love Sofia. That is his feeling. 

But…. does she still love him? or is it simply the lingering of emotion that kept them together after all of the fights, after all of the words traded, all the hard feelings

With all of his power and abilities, it is not like he could read people minds. 

He believes that Sofia did love him. But, she probably did not love him enough to marry him. Maybe, it was rash of him trying to propose to her.

But, it should not have led to them breaking up. Azief might not seem like he is affected with what happens but he did get hurt.

He is used to rejection. And because he is used to it, it did not hurt that much. But that is only because he never had an expectation to be accepted in the first place.

But with Sofia, it was different. No matter how they fight and why they fight, they always come back to each other.

Azief wanted to believe that. Believe that they would come for each other again. He wanted to give her time.

But, maybe…. maybe it is time to let her go. 

That night after he talked with Katarina, he was in his room thinking many things 

He kept hurting Sofia. Because he could not let go of Katarina. 

Azief had never seen himself as a Casanova or a playboy.

He is not that handsome typical man. He is not ugly but he is not the kind of good looking that would make people flip around.

He is a bit above average. Of course, when he grows stronger, his facial feature also improved and so does his charisma and confidence.

And that increases his charm. In this world, if it’s not for the fact that all the people of the world knows that he is entangled with two women of great power and influence, one could imagine how many people would throw themselves at him to become his paramour.

Azief had never been in a situation where two people loved him….and loved him sincerely. And twisted as it may be, he wanted to reciprocate this sincerity.

But all that he keeps doing is inflicting injury and pain to Sofia and Katarina. 

And that night, when he thinks back about Sofia, he thought back of what he had put her through. And he thought to himself

’Am I the selfish one?’

Is he the selfish one, hoping for her to return? He believes that she would come back for him. But what if he is wrong? What if….it is better like this?

He doesn’t want to believe that. What he had with Sofia….is complicated. There are old memories between them.

That memory is of course not deep. They meet in high school and even when they were in the same high school, they did not interact much

Azief examine himself, look back at his old memories and thought to himself why did he fall in love with her in the first place?

He knows that he loved her. But that was after the Fall, after he got to know her intimately. But what makes him love her in the first place.

When he looks back at his own memories, look at himself honestly, then he found out. The reason why he wanted her in the first place is because he likes her in high school and she does not like her.

At that time, Sofia was with someone else. It would be an exaggeration to say that the feeling at that time was love but Azief felt his first heartbreak there.

She did not intentionally break it and it was not her fault. And he also never shows any of it. It is easy when you are not on the same class to hide a feeling.

Azief was never someone that was confident. 

He was confident when he is in his element, when he is with his close friends, but with strangers it always takes him a while to warm up to them

When he was in high school, everyone seems to be dating and stuff. 

Azief also wanted that. To experience the cherry blossom of youth.

He saw her and while she is not the prettiest girl in the entire school, it looks like that to him. It is not like he had fallen in love with her. 

If anything, he likes her. 

And when he likes her, he wanted to know about her, wanted to know what her likes and dislike and wanted to talk to her

Azief is new at dating stuff. 

He doesn’t know what people do when they are dating. Do they just agree to date? Does he have to confess? Should he do it old style with letters? 

(Author Note: It’s the 2000. I don’t know about other country but at that time, even though my classmate does have phones, most of them to show sincerity would write letters to their girls. Just a difference in culture I guess)

Does he have to call her and confess to her in the phone? 

There were so many question in his mind but when he found out that she had been with someone else, that feeling is quite bizarre.

You know she is not your girlfriend and you could not blame her for anything. It is just the feeling of losing something that was never yours.

And the question of “if only” began to surface in your mind

If only…. you were faster…

If only…. you were braver…. this kind of question haunts you. But after a few years, you would forget about it. 

That is why when he first saw Sofia in that mall, when the Fall happened, all those memories just came back to him, like he had never left high school at all.

And then Azief found the answer of why he got together with Sofia in the first place. Yes, he got to know her and love her demeanor 

But, the reason why he looks so favorably at her, that she could worm her way into his heart and never let go is because of these lingering memories of the past.

So, when he reaches that conclusion, he sighed.

He fears that Sofia thinks that his love for her is because simply of old memories. And he thought many more things.

About him and Katarina and how should he deal with it. So, that night, he simply did not get any sleep. 

The next morning when he saw Katarina, they talk to each other. And they both decided to explore what they feel for each other. 

Azief don’t want Katarina to feel like she is a substitute for Sofia so he is taking it slow with her. He doesn’t want to hurt her like he did with Sofia.