Lord Shadow

Chapter 1189: One beautiful night vii

She sighed and said

‘She found herself falling deeper and deeper in love’ she suddenly said. Azief smiles weakly and nodded

‘The more she loves, the more she would be hurt. And since she could not handle the pain anymore, she decided to break it off. And I could not stop her because I had promised her before that when it gets too much for her, I would not stop her’

‘But I always believe she would come back to me’

Then he looks at Katarina and said 

‘And since you had never ask about my relationship with her since I came to this planet, I have never felt the need to- ‘

Katarina slap him on his thigh and she glares at him

‘The need to? I didn’t ask because I don’t like hearing that you are happy with her. I might be alright with it…. but that is because I want you to be happy’

Sighing she continued 

‘I can’t force you to love me. But me being alright with you being with her did not mean that I want to listen how happy you got it’

‘And that is why I didn’t ask anything about you and her. Because I don’t want you caught me wishing that it was me. I don’t want you to see me being pathetic. I’m trying to be cool about it and that is why I didn’t ask anything’ 

‘And you knew that. You should have told me then’

Azief then said

‘I thought you and me…. we could be just friend. I thought that if I pretend that whatever we have is not there, if I pretend it to be natural, it would be. I tried so hard’

‘You try to lie to yourself’

Azief nodded

‘You are like a magnet. And I could not help but keep getting pulled towards you. Last night…. maybe it is because the moon was so beautiful, or maybe it is because of how beautiful you look, or maybe it is just because of the vibe, but I just lost control and before I knew it, I had kissed you’

Katarina smiles and said

‘I’m not looking for self-control’ Azief look at Katarina eyes and he could see yearning in her eye

Katarina then put her hand on his thigh. Azief did not push her away and just shakes his head

‘I could not’

‘Why?’ Katarina ask. 

‘You and her are broken up. It’s over’

‘I believe she would come back’ he answers

Katarina did not say anything to this. But then she come closer to him that they both could hear each other heartbeats and she asks

‘Do you love me…. still?’ she asks. He looks at her and then before Azief could say a white lie, or another vague words, Katarina said

‘No lies. No “I don’t know” or ‘I’m not sure” kind of answer. Not tonight. Be honest with me tonight’

‘I want to know what you feel for me. You push me away, then pull me back. You said you want to forget me but you make it impossible for me to forget you. It could drive a girl crazy. I want something real. I want honesty’

There was silence again between them. 

Azief look at the sky and sighed

And then he confesses

‘I do love you’

‘Then what is stopping you. I’m here’ she said. 

Azief look at her face, that beautiful face that could enter a dream and turn a nightmare into a happy dream

He looks at her lips, tempting him, and she looks at Katarina beautiful green eyes. This is not just any other woman.

Katarina might be just a normal woman in the beginning of the Fall but as she grows stronger and understand many more things and learn things, she had this aura around her

It was the same aura that Azief has. The aura of a powerful person. Like their experience and their strength of heart emanated and oozes out of them 

Katarina herself over the years had transformed herself so much so that she befits her title as the most beautiful woman in the world.

When she is with him, she is very casual. But even in her casual action there is a certain grace and power, nobility etched in every gesture. 

How could anyone not love her? He thought in that moment. He sighed and then said

‘You deserve better’ he paused for a second and then said

‘I’m not a perfect man’ he said

She shakes her head

‘I never ask for a perfect man. I want you’ the word is very bold and very telling.

‘You’re my summer, my spring, and my winter’ she said and she smiles like she was recalling something

‘It’s crazy how much I love you. And it is crazy that we are in love with each other, and yet we could not be together’

She smiles bitterly and then continue 

‘I don’t know when it starts. But the moment I fall in love with you, it seems that there is no way out. I just keep falling deeper in love with you’

Katarina then brought her hands to his cheek and come closer to his face, so that he would see her and she smiles at him

‘I……am like you Azief. I thought you were still with Sofia. So, I wanted to treat you like you are a friend. Because I don’t want to make you sad’ there is tears forming in her eyes and as the first drop was about to fall, Azief wipes it

‘Don’t cry. Not you’ he said. Katarina smiles and said

‘I can’t fight for us…. if you don’t want to fight for us’

There was silence between them for a moment. 

On the sky, the clouds did not cover the moon, the moonlight shining brightly illuminating the night sky, so much so, that one might not feel that it is night

It gave the night a certain ambience. The wind blows gently and everything seems beautiful

Then she said

‘Last night, when I heard that you have broken up with her, I felt…. both sad and yet I was also feeling happiness. I felt sad that you have to go through that. I felt sad that she broke your heart. And I felt sad because I don’t understand why she would do that. I know you and her must have some reason. Maybe it is because of me. Or maybe it is because of something else. I don’t know’

Azief just listen to Katarina. He does not know where Katarina is going with this

‘What I do know is this. If I love you and you love me and we are together, I would never let you go. I was never a lovesick girl until I met you. I have never loved something and worried about something as much as I loved and worried about you. And I felt sad for her because I know she made the wrong decision’

Azief look at her and raised his eyebrows

‘What wrong decision? Breaking up with me?’

Katarina shakes his head

‘Saying no.’ she smiles and said

‘Saying no to spending the rest of her life with you’ Azief was shocked to hear her say that. 

‘I felt happy because now I can express what I feel. But I can’t do it alone’ Then Katarina lean in and kiss him. 

It is a light kiss, not like some kind of a passionate lover kissing. It is a gentle kiss and it is brief. In her kiss, there is a demand. A demand for an answer.

And Azief answers it as he kisses her back. Just five minutes before midnight. 

That is the feeling that they both felt, right at the last moment, when everything is said and done, one action reveals all of their feelings. 

Katarina release him from her kiss and they both are out of breath. She looks at him and she smiles like a little imp, like she got the answer she wanted

Azief look at her dumbfounded, because of what she did and what he did. 

She smirks and chuckles and then she got up from the sofa

‘I wanted to talk to you tonight because I wanted to know where your heart lies. And now…I see that you are still confused. You love me, you wanted to kiss me, you wanted to hold me but yet you don’t allow yourself to do all this. But….’ and she chuckles a bit, ‘Some part of you is very honest’ 

Then she sighed and said 

‘I don’t want to force you to love me. That is not the kind of love that I wanted. And I will not be giving you an ultimatum. But I hope that…. that you know what you want Azief. Because you cannot do this to me…all the time’ 

‘You could not give me hope and then breaks it. You could not say that you would forget me but protect me from the dark. I want you to know what you wanted’

‘And if that is me, then that is great. If its Sofa, then that’s good. But……know what you want. Because I will not always be here. And I will not always be waiting. If there is anything that I have learned since the Fall, it is that life….is never certain’

Katarina look at the stars in the distance and she smiles bitterly and then she said

‘I will forget what happen last night. But I hope you would not forget about what tonight. I would just treat what happens last night as a day where you suddenly get sentimental and want a warmth of a person you know’ Then Katarina walk away from the balcony.

Azief look at her back and there is a complicated expression on his face. He knows he should catch up on her.

But he also knows if he did that, then tonight would be a beginning of something new. He got up from the sofa, looking at the back of the woman he loves, walking away.

And he is struggling with all kinds of emotions and memories, his hope about Sofia, his desire not to hurt Katarina and the feeling of love he felt for both of these two beautiful and amazing woman and he knows he has to make a choice. He had made it before but it did not go the way he wanted 

He doesn’t want it to not work again. And it has only been a few months. He could not just forget about what happens with Sofia and just goes to Katarina like he is changing clothes.

That is not just who he is. It is easier, if he just did not want anything. But he wants many things. And he doesn’t know how to solve these feelings and those two feelings. 

The silhouette of Katarina is fading. Azief is still looking. And then he made his decision. He looks at the moon first and he thought to himself

‘The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?’ He thought of the words that Natsume Soseki uses and he smiles

Then he takes his step

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