Lord Shadow

Chapter 1188: One beautiful night vi

He respects her feelings enough to know that kissing her like that, like a thirsty man finding water in the desert, so passionate yet so gentle…that kiss means something.

Because it is him and because of her feelings. 

Katarina knows that even after he had chosen Sofia, he had never fallen out in love with her. But that is what makes it so hard for her to forget him

Because he is doing things like this. It is like he could not help it and she also could not help it.

He loves her but can’t be with her. 

But he still wants to protects her.

That is why he sent his secretary to look after her. This secretary is of course Sasha. She is the only person in Pandemonium that is recognized as such.

When he could not see her, could not protect her the way he did before, he sent Sasha to look after her.

But knowing this Katarina felt a bit angry. 

Azief could sometimes be a coward.  He did not want to show affection to her, but he also does not want her to fall into any disaster

He hurts her but doesn’t want to feel guilty. 

So, she sent Sasha back. She did not mind Azief feeling guilty. At least he would still be thinking of her. 

The feeling of anger is something that is understandable.

What is he trying to do? 

On one side, he told her to forget her. 

Yet, how could she forget him, when he still trying to protect her, trying to help her and always a trace of him could be seen around her.

It is a bit selfish of him

And her feelings are not something that could be turn on and off just like that. 

Even if she wants to forget, she could not

Even if she wants to turns it off, she could not

And she is angry that Azief felt kind of guilty kissing her. He did not say it but Katarina could guess what Azief was feeling when he broke the kiss last night and go away 

She did not do anything wrong to anyone and neither did Azief. 

There is nothing to be guilty about

From what she understands he and Sofia had broken up. 

Katarina had respected Azief decisions when he chose Sofia. She was sad…but she did not throw a tantrum, she did not attack Sofia. She just wallows in her own feelings.

Of course, it would be best if she is the one beside him. 

She wishes that it was her that he had chosen.

But since he had chosen Sofia, she chose to respect that. Because she wants him to be happy.

But she still loves him and as such when the Demon King was battling Azief, she also sends her attack, trying to help Azief.

But, this…last night, what happened….is not something that she could understand. 

Azief did not only tell her that he had broken up. He also told her how and why he had broken up with Sofia.,

He had proposed to Sofia and Sofia rejected him. To her, this mean it is over between Azief and Sofia.

And there is nothing for Azief to felt guilty about

And since this happens, Katarina did not feel that she is doing something wrong. She had never hides how she feels for him. 

The whole world knows about it when she created that mountain of ice, fully intending to die together with him

Then the sound of the plate being put on the dryer brings her back. She could hear him coming to the sofa

Azief finally finished washing the plates and he walk slowly to the sofa. He sat beside her and Katarina opens her eyes.

Azief puts his hand together, and one could see from his expression that he is thinking how to say something. 

He gives up and look in front of him. She also looks at the direction he is looking. 

They look at the stars and the night sky in the distance and there was silence between them. Katarina would not repeat the question. 

She knows Azief had heard her loud and clear. So, she is now just waiting for his answer. Azief uses both of his hand to rub the back of his neck

He then sighed and said

‘It’s complicated’ that was his answer. Katarina did not say anything and Azief knows he did not answer her question

What she wanted to know was why he kissed her. And he could tell that Katarina would not accept that answer

He looks at her and said

‘I don’t know why.’ Finally, Katarina looks at him, there is a trace of sadness in her eyes. 

‘You know’ she finally said

Azief shakes his head and trying to find the perfect word of how to start this kind of conversation. Azief was never an eloquent speaker.

And because of his reputation and image, there is not a lot of places where he needs to speak. So, finding the perfect word for this kind of situation is not easy

Because…and he perish the thoughts in his mind. Not wanting to be tempted by the feelings he had hold back.

‘This past five months…. I got to know you again’ he said. Katarina nodded and then Azief continued.

There is a smile on his face

‘I always have this certain idea of you. But I never really knew you. I know your pain. And I know what makes you happy. But all of it was on the surface. There is a lot of things I don’t know about you’

Katarina then ask

‘And knowing me……were you disappointed?’ she asks. Azief shakes his head and said

‘I’ve never been more proud and happy to know you. The you that I don’t know. The you of the past. That Katarina. That little girl that grows up to be this beautiful and most breathtaking woman I have ever had the pleasure of knowing’

‘And then I realized something as I know more about you, learns more about you.’

‘What did you realize?’ She asks. Azief look at her, looking at that green eyes and black hair and he said

‘I realize that I truly had fallen in love with you from the very first moment I saw you’ he said and there is a smile on his face.

A smile that seems to hold all kinds of meaning. It is like a mix of happiness, pride and all around wholesome feeling contained in one smile. 

He said it with such serious tone and Katarina, even though she was trying to maintain her tortured expression could not help but blush

Azief chuckles as tap her nose with his finger 

‘Hey’ she said and Azief laughs. Then he said

‘I realized then, it didn’t matter what I know or not know about you. I would love what you love and hated what you hate simply because from the first moment I saw you, you have enchanted me, both mind and soul’

Such words, such powerful words strike Katarina heart like a Cupid shooting its love arrows. But, she doesn’t understand what point Azief is trying to make. 

He shakes his head and he said

‘When I first came to this world, I was in a bad place. I just had broken up with her. Sofia rejected me’ Katarina nodded

She had heard the story. 

Azief continues

‘But I am not angry at her. I know why she did it. I could understand it in my mind why she would do that’

Sighing, he said 

‘Because I know her pain and I know her scars. She sees me and she reminded of a mistake in her past, a mistake she knows too well not to repeat. I could not assuage that fear because that is not something I could do. It is something that she must solve by herself. There are things I could help with and then there are things that one must fight for themselves’

He closes his eyes and lean back on the sofa and then opens it back again and then he said

‘I have my own demons to fight. Some is easier to fight when someone is with you. And some are demons that only you could fight. And if you want that happy ending, you want your happiness, then that is a fight you must win. So.…. I accept it’ he hesitated to say something but then he added

‘Each moment since she broke it off with me, I restrained myself not to just fly toward her and bring her back with me to Pandemonium. I could do that. I could just warp space around me, opens up a portal around where she is, I could listen to her, see her wherever she was…but I did not do that. Because I understand her pain’

‘And? What about you?’ She asks. Azief was shocked for a moment and his eyes looking at Katarina become even gentler.

He shakes his head and said

‘Yes….me’

He then said 

‘I understand her actions…. but that did not mean it doesn’t hurt’

‘When you love someone, when you ask them to marry you, hoping to spend the rest of your life with them, hoping that in that moment, the split second moment from the moment you ask her to marry you and then hoping the words that come out from her mouth is yes, it was the most nerve-racking moment in my life’

Katarina didn’t like hearing about him, talking about another woman in front of her but she did not stop him.

It was like he is venting and she ask him 

‘You told me you pull out a ring’

Azief nodded

‘It is not my culture to propose using a ring. But I did it because she once mentioned that she finds it romantic. I’m not telling you this to hurt you. I’m telling you this so that you could understand why when I first arrive here and saw you, I could not admit the truth’

‘You have always been good in hiding your pains’ Katarina said and Azief snickers, probably at himself.

‘That is not a good ability at all’

Then he said

‘I believe she would come back. I wanted to give her time. And I don’t want to do something wrong’ 

‘I know what you feel for me Katarina. I feel it too. But, I know she would never come back if something happened between us. Because her fears were always about us. She fears to be betrayed. To be lied to’ 

‘And because of that she found it easier if I blame her. She wanted to end it because she didn’t like who she had become and she didn’t like that she knew that she would always, always will be paranoid about me and you. The jealousy, the envy, it turns her into something else and she did not like that. And to her, it is better to hurt me now, before I hurt her later. Because……the pain is now too much’

Katarina look down for a second, trying to digest what Azief had been saying and then she understood something