Chapter 376

Ayla, Morrigan, and I were seated around a table the morning after the orgy, feeling a bit strange. There was no question that the sensations we felt from our first experimentation with Lust magic were intriguing, but it was a bit hard to nail down what the effects actually were.

"I think we should experiment more. There are other uses of the mana that we should test," Morrigan said.

Ayla blushed and squirmed in her seat. "I don't want to do something like that where others might see us."

Morrigan smiled and waved off her concern. "We'll just head out into the woods far enough away that no one will stumble on us. It'll be fine. We just won't buff ourselves with the magic again. It was admittedly a bad idea for all three of us to do it at the same time... but I couldn't help myself."

I sighed. "Shouldn't we try to learn how to convert our own mana into lust mana first, rather than relying on wild magic here?"

"It'll be faster to work on both things at the same time. I'm sure if you're really worried about it, we could ask for a small escort to watch the area for us while we experiment. I'm sure we could get my sister and aunt Lori to help keep lookout at the very least." Morrigan said.

"I don't know... I've never done anything outside before. It feels kinda weird," Ayla said with a blush. Despite her apparent hesitation, both of us could sense that the idea intrigued her more than she admitted through the bond.

"You liked it last night, didn't you?" I whispered in her ear while trailing a finger up her thigh. "And despite your reluctance, you want to see what it's like to do it outside in the grass too, don't you?"

Ayla gulped. "Well... maybe it wouldn't be so bad. We're like magic pioneers, discovering uses for an untapped kind of magic..."

Morrigan leaned forward and kissed the fennec fox girl on the cheek. "It'll be fun."

"Fine," Ayla huffed. "I'll... I'll help you again." Despite her blushing, there was an undercurrent of excitement oozing off the foxkin.

While Morrigan dragged Ayla around to go find some volunteers to watch over us while we 'experimented,' I went to find Grace. I found her in her old office with her sister Lia. When I laid eyes on her, I remembered that we shared something in common... Our previous identities shared a name, Liam. The thought stopped me in my tracks, and I suddenly felt really awkward around the woman.

She hadn't asked to be changed like this, but she had abandoned her old self the moment the transformation went through. I'd been reassured multiple times through letters and in person that Lia had adjusted well to her new form, but she reminded me of my old self now. I had to crush down the wave of revulsion and self-loathing that threatened to bubble up when I thought about the person I used to be. Lia is okay. Everything is alright. She's happier than before in her new healthy body. She's happy being a succubus and a member of my family. This is different from what happened to me. Everything is okay.

Lia frowned as I stopped in the doorway. "Are you alright, Lilith? You suddenly look like you're not feeling well."

I took a deep breath and ran my fingers through my hair. "I'm alright, just... a bad memory." I cleared my throat and looked over at Grace. "A few of us are heading out of Goldenhearth to practice some magic in the forest outside the city."

Grace frowned but nodded. "That's fine, just make a point to be back in the morning. You need to be ready to attend the party tomorrow and meet some of the other leaders of Western Torlimal. Baroness Morrister should give us an answer soon, but we need to get as many people on our side as possible to ease the transition."

I nodded and turned to step out, but Lia came over and put her hand on my shoulder before I could leave. "Are you sure you're alright, Lilith? You just locked up in the doorway. Is there something I can help you with?"

"No... I'll be fine. Thanks for the concern, Lia." I placed my hand on hers. "I'm glad you've been doing so much better since you joined the family."

She smiled. "I have been! I owe a lot to you. Please come talk to me if there's anything I can do to help."

"I'll keep that in mind," I said, feigning a smile.

She nodded, seemingly accepting my reply before going back to her desk. I left the room and leaned against a wall. I guess I wasn't totally over everything that happened in my past life... My stomach turned. I was being silly. We shared a name, but it was just a coincidence. Why did even thinking about my old name bring everything right back to the surface? I should be stronger than this.

I sighed and pushed myself away from the wall and headed into the kitchen. Inside was a succubus that I didn't know. Rather than large amounts of food to cover the appetites of all the prostitutes that worked at the Ruby Vixen, the surfaces had mostly been covered in treats like cookies and pastries.

"Can I help you? The white-furred rabbit beastfolk asked. I had seen her briefly during the orgy, and I knew that she was a succubus, but I hadn't actually spoken to her before. She saw me looking over the variety of treats laid out on the table and chuckled. "Yeah, most of the girls don't need to eat as much, if ever. This kitchen has kind of turned into my own personal bakery ever since Sibyl left. You're welcome to have something if you want it, Miss Lilith."

I smiled and took something that looked like a fruit filled strudel. "Just Lilith is fine. You're family. No need to be formal." I took a bite and hummed in approval at the taste. "This is really good."

She laughed. "Thank you. I already thought of a lot of people here as family, but the changes that all of us have undergone have made that feel more real than ever. If you don't mind me asking, how has Sibyl been? She changed so much when she got with Raya, and I was a little sad to hear she hadn't come with you this time."

"Sorry," I said with a sad smile. "Raya needed to stay back to manage the magic school in Morrigan's place, and Sibyl naturally didn't want to leave her behind."

The woman nodded. "Understandable."

"Sibyl has been doing well. The two are doing great together. They live with us in Traehall, and we spend a decent amount of time together as a group. Is there anything specific you'd like to know?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Nothing in particular, just curious. Does she still cook?"

"Sometimes, but you know, with the change in our eating habits, we only do it on special occasions."

I frowned as I thought about the last time she had made food, The night I regained my memories.

"Are you okay? You just looked like you had a haunted look on your face," she asked.

I took a deep breath before taking another bite of the strudel I had taken. "Just... bad memories."

She hummed. "You probably shouldn't just ignore things like that. I can see they're not very pleasant. It might not be the best advice, but have some more sweets. They might help you feel better. They do for me."

I chuckled before taking something that looked like a cream-filled doughnut. "I've never been much of a stress eater, but these do seem to help a little."

"Sometimes you need to stop and appreciate the good things in life. Things can be hard, but moments like this... A kitchen full of sweets and a home full of family makes all of it worth it."

I looked at her as she spoke. Halfway through that, her own expression turned a bit haunted too. I had a feeling that she may have experienced a similar kind of thing to me. I didn't want to ask, but in a way it made me feel better. Like I wasn't alone.

"Thanks for the food, uh... Sorry, I never caught your name," I said awkwardly.

She smiled. "It's Francesca, but you can just call me Fran."

"Well, nice to meet you, Fran. Thanks for the sweets," I said with a smile.

She laughed. "That's the second time you've thanked me now. I should be thanking you for the food, after the last time."

"You were here the last time? I don't remember your transformation," I asked, confused.

"No, I wasn't one of the girls transformed from your group. I actually used to be a human, one of the few who lived in the Ruby Vixen before all of this. The madame didn't trust me enough to include me in the first group, but I convinced her to let me join later, after you left. I never felt quite right around other humans, so it was a relief when I was able to turn into this," she said, gesturing to herself. "It was quite the change."

I nodded. "I bet. Are you adjusting to everything okay?"

She smiled. "I feel a lot more comfortable now. Not many are like me or Sibyl, who transform into someone completely different. Most just become prettier versions of themselves, but I didn't like my old self very much."

My smile faded. "I know the feeling."

"Hmm... I thought so. Have another sweet. Take advantage of the fact that you probably can't get fat," she said, pushing another doughnut toward me.

I laughed and took it. "Thanks, I needed that."

"I know," she said with a nod. "Most people don't know what it's like to hate themselves. I saw it in your eyes when you walked in... that hollow look. Is it something you're struggling with now, or something you left behind, like me?"

I took a bite of the pastry and thought about the question. "Something I left behind."

"Then enjoy the now, rather than dwelling on the past. I'm hardly one to talk. I find myself getting caught in spirals too, but that's why I know it's probably good advice. Don't feel guilty. Just be happy for what you have now instead." She turned to check on one of the ovens.

"You're probably right," I agreed. "But it's hard not to think about the old me."

"Changed or not, it's still you. Maybe a version of yourself that you didn't like as much, but still you. But rather than dwelling on the bad things, just do your best to focus on the good things in life. Like pastries," she said with a laugh. She picked one off the tray that had just come out of the oven and bit into it.

"You really like sweets, don't you?" I asked with a smile.

"I can eat as much of this as I want without having to constantly worry about my weight. It's the best thing that ever happened to me," she said with a laugh. "Now that I'm in a body I feel comfortable with, I'd rather focus on the things I enjoy in life rather than worry about some of the mistakes I've made in the past. If it's something bad, maybe you can atone for it somehow, but you shouldn't let it drag you down."

"Atone, huh? I wish things were that simple... While I'm sure that I hurt someone, it's hard to tell how much I should trust them now," I said wryly.

Fran shrugged. "You don't have to trust them. You can apologize for what you did, and do something to make it up to them without trusting them. Trust isn't a given, it's earned. But the first step is repairing the relationship in the first place."

I sighed and clutched the poker chip in my pocket. "Yeah, you're probably right. Thank you."

"For the food again?" she teased.

I laughed. "No, for the advice this time." I picked up another doughnut and held it up. "And for the food."

She laughed again as I turned to leave the room. As I walked into the foyer, I saw the twins, Lori, Mimi, Bella, and Ayla hanging out by the entrance. Bella turned when she saw me approach and smiled. "You feeling better?"

I hesitated before nodding. "I am. There was a nice rabbitkin in the kitchen who gave me good advice."

"I'm glad. I'll have to thank her for that later," Bella said.

Scratching my arm awkwardly, I took a few steps closer. "I guess I wasn't really hiding it well."

"A bit hard through the bond," Torien interjected. "You seemed to need a bit of time, so we left you alone."

I took a deep breath. "Well, I'm feeling better now. I got the go-ahead from Grace to go into the forest to do some experimentation, but we have to come back before tomorrow morning. There's a big party we'll have to attend."

"Yeah, I'm not looking forward to that," Morrigan said with a frown. "Holding back from teaching because of the politics feels a little wrong, even if I understand why we're doing it. I'm just happy that things seem to be going well."

I nodded. "I agree, but let's get going. We have a lot to test."

"Will I get to actually help, or are you just going to be molesting me the whole time?" Ayla joked as we walked through the door.