Joy of Life

Fan Xian walked out of the Eastern Palace. He personally turned around to properly close the two thick, heavy doors. Glancing at the densely packed group of people around the Eastern Palace, his face was calm. But, his heart rolled with unnamed emotion. After they calmed slightly, he waved to Eunuch Yao at the front of the group.

Eunuch Yao had followed the Emperor through the most difficult time on Dong Mountain. After Eunuch Hong’s sacrifice for the country, he had become the foremost person in the Qing internal court. However, Fan Xian continued to wave at him just as casually as before.

Eunuch Yao bent over and respectfully went forward to accept orders. From this expression, no one doubted the future power Fan Xian would have.

Fan Xian said a few quiet words by Eunuch Yao’s ear. Eunuch Yao’s expression became slightly confused, but he didn’t question Fan Xian’s order. At this time, he was unable to ask the Emperor in the Eastern Palace. After some thinking, he led the people outside the Eastern Palace toward the outer boundaries, maintaining a large distance from the Palace.

Fan Xian followed them to a small forest to the side and watched the quiet Eastern Palace from a distance, guessing at what the Emperor and Li Chengqian were talking about. Having these people back further away was actually a safety precaution. He didn’t know if the Emperor might say something he never wanted people to know once his anger rose.

It was also for his own consideration. Only a few people knew the true reason why the Emperor was set on deposing Li Chengqian, a matter that had been single-handedly created by him. The Emperor knew of his cultivation. If he waited outside the Eastern Palace and heard the secrets from the Palace, no one would be happy.

Fan Xian pressed his dry lips together and looked at the Eastern Palace with worried eyes. He thought to himself that Li Chengqian was outwardly soft but had a core of steel. He would probably go the same way as the Second Prince. Thinking about this closely, he, himself, was truly quite complicated. It was he who had forced Li Chengqian onto this desperate road. He never thought that matters would develop in this way. The things he and Chen Pingping did in secret seemed to be as ruthless and vicious as wolves and tigers. Unexpectedly, in the end, a true dragon appeared in the mortal world.

Within a few years, all the people by the Emperor had either been forced or had chosen to stand against the Emperor. Chen Pingping and Fan Xian had finally succeeded in isolating the Emperor. Regardless of how isolated and lonely he was, he was still the person at the very top. Once his strength was spent, he would try to swallow the sun and the moon. Fan Xian couldn’t help but feel cold and fearful.

…

…

The situation in the Eastern Palace was not like what Fan Xian guessed. The Emperor and Li Chengqian did not sink into some argument like in a hysterical family drama. The royal family never had the excitement of Ma Jingtao. There was only indifference, cold elegance, calm, and grimness.

The Emperor sat down easily and casually on the stone steps with his two legs falling wide open. He looked at the door of the Eastern Palace and thought of many years ago when he waited outside these doors for the good news of the empress giving birth. On that day, the air inside the Palace was thick with joy. The empress dowager had been unusually happy.

Amongst all the joy, his own mood had been a bit heavy, until the woman outside the Palace, who was also pregnant, sent in a letter. Only then did he become happy. He knew that she was not like other women in this world. She had never put much importance on the dragon chair or wanted to conspire on behalf of the child in her belly for the seemingly alluring position of Emperor.

It was that kind of attitude that made the Emperor faintly unhappy. After 20 years, that kind of unhappiness had long become a long faded emotion. Occasionally, when he was in the little tower in the back Palace looking at the yellow-clothed woman in the picture, he couldn’t resist muttering a few resentful words. An Zhi was your child, but was he not also my child?

Twenty years had passed. The child destined from birth to be the heir to the throne of the Qing Kingdom had grown and was sitting right by his side. His long hair fell gently behind him and between his brows. There was only calm and acceptance of his fate.

Currently, the child that had been in the belly of the other woman was standing outside the Eastern Palace in some corner watching the movements within it.

The Emperor consciously took a teacup the Crown Prince had used from the table in front of the steps and brought it to his lips to take a drink. He didn’t know if it was cold or hot.

“The Qing Kingdom has not been around for long.” For some unknown reason, the Emperor had chosen to start from there. Slowly, he said, “Although Northern Qi is only two generations, they inherited the Wei Kingdom’s throne, so their interior is much more stable. A dozen years ago, the Northern Qi Emperor suddenly died. The empress was young, and the princes were still children. If that had happened in the Qing Kingdom, the forced abdication would probably not have worked. Even if Ku He had come out, it wouldn’t have worked.”

Li Chengqian’s gaze landed on his father’s hand holding the teacup.

“This is because the Qing Kingdom claimed its territory from the battlefield. Our military is powerful. We are used to using weapons to reason. Things like a system of rights and the prestige of an Emperor are not enough to subdue others.” The Emperor’s gaze was somewhat indifferent. “To be the ruler of the Qing Kingdom, one cannot just be lenient. One has to have iron-blooded strategies and a tenacious personality.”

He turned his head to look at his son and said, “You’ve lived in the Palace since your youth. Before you were eight, you were already known as being humane…” The corners of the Emperor’s lips revealed a trace of mockery. “You only helped wrap the feet of a few injured rabbits, but those servants were set on making mother happy and said that you would certainly become a humane ruler.”

“Constantly being lenient and humane is to be timid. Qing Kingdom is certain to unify the world. For 50 years, battles have raged never-ending and various old nobility are unhappy. Only a half a century old, yet I must lay down the foundation for ten thousand years. I only have time to create this kingdom. Guarding it would be left to you.” The Emperor drew back his gaze. “How could a humane, timid ruler hold onto this massive kingdom?”

Li Chengqian glanced at his father. The corner of his lips revealed the trace of a self-mocking smile. Only now did he understand that his father had already been planning for things decades in the future over 10 years ago. He had the confidence of unifying the world, but he had to consider how this kingdom would continue in hundreds of years.

“So, I brought Chengze out to fight against you,” the Emperor closed his eyes and said slowly. “Thinking of it now, at that time, you were both still young. It seemed that I had been overly anxious.”

Li Chengqian still did not open his mouth to comment.

“I wanted to see if Chengze would be any good. In less than a year, I could see that his thoughts were overly fake. As a monarch, one must have an air of righteousness. He didn’t have that.” The Emperor continued to keep his eyes closed like he was narrating some distant story. “I became confirmed in my decision to give the kingdom to you. In those years, your behavior truly disappointed me. You loitered in brothels and indulged in music and song every night. You made yourself an embarrassment.”

Li Chengqian smiled self-mockingly and finally opened his mouth slowly, “Father, at that time, I was only 14 or 15, just getting to know about the ways of the world. I thought you were going to depose me. I lived every night in fear. I could only bury myself in women to find some feeling.”

Strangely, the Emperor did not become angry listening to these words. On the contrary, he smiled slightly. “Chengze was too discontented with life, but he was clever. He finally saw what I was thinking. But, he had already come out, so he could only continue on. From that angle, your second brother truly understood my heart.”

“Perhaps a knife would be broken through honing. If it is not honed, it will never become sharp.” The Emperor opened his eyes and looked calmly at his son. “The Second Prince did not sharpen you. On the contrary, he made you blunt. Coincidentally, An Zhi entered Jingdou…”

Li Chengqian laughed, thinking of the first time he saw Fan Xian outside the courtyard. At that time, as the Crown Prince, he didn’t even think about that son of a vice minister. He never would have thought that he would, in the end, be his brother and become the hardest whetstone in the honing of the inheritor of imperial power.

“In these two years, you’ve improved a lot,” the Emperor sighed and slowly said. “I don’t know if it’s because you have matured or because Li Yunrui has taught you many things, but the court has recognized your status as Crown Prince. I am pleased with your behavior.”

Hearing his aunt’s name, Li Chengqian’s lips twitched involuntarily. Shortly after, he opened up his mind and smiled with great courage. “You asked me to learn about political affairs from aunt, naturally, it was effective.”

The Emperor did not become angry. He only lightly said, “When it comes to so-called political matters, the scholars Shu and Hu would have taught you better. As you know, what I wanted you to learn from Yunrui were tactics and trickery. In the world, you would not be able to find a better teacher than Yunrui.”

“If things continued like this, how good it would have been,” the Emperor said quietly. “There are many things that cannot be learned. Once I was old, you should have been able to see many things and been proficient in the last schemes of a monarch. At that time, only then would I have handed over this kingdom to you with an easy heart.”

Li Chengqian’s mood was strange. Although he had been Crown Prince since a young age, his father had always been overly strict and lacked warmth. This was what cultivated his timid personality. Although his personality had changed a great deal during these two years, this seemed to be the first time he had sat side by side like this with his father actively talking to each other.

“An Zhi told me all about the situation in Jingdou,” the Emperor said warmly. “You behaved well. Your behavior during the rebellion was appropriate to the occasion. There are only a few problems.”

Li Chengqian knelt for the last time as the Crown Prince by his father’s side and bent his body to ask for instruction.

“In the fight for power, there is no need for any warmth or fear. When He Zongwei led the Imperial Censor against you in court, you should have killed him right there.”

The Emperor’s gaze was incomparably grave and stern. “An Zhi convinced the civil officials in court to stand against you during your ascension ceremony. You should have acted and killed them.”

He looked at his son like he was teaching him for the last time. “As long as someone stands in front of you, kill them. In this, you are not as good as An Zhi.”

The Emperor continued. “You didn’t kill the two scholars of the Hall of Governmental Affairs and those civil officials, you only locked them up. What good would that do? That was your biggest mistake. If Yunrui had handled this herself, and it was not you and mother discussing it, perhaps Jingdou would have stabilized long ago. The court would have been purged clean, and Fan Xian would not have been able to stall until time to act.”

Li Chengqian smiled bitterly and sighed. Looking at his father, he quietly said, “Father, do you know why I couldn’t kill those officials?”

Without waiting for the Emperor to speak, Li Chengqian faintly said, “Perhaps you have forgotten, when you first intended to depose of the heir, it was these old officials that bravely stood out and opposed your edict. They stood behind me and supported me. Perhaps I am not a strong person, but I am someone who remembers gratitude and tries to repay it. Although the scholars Hu and Shu may have supported me for the sake of the country, I truly could not bear to kill them.”

The Emperor was silent, thinking about something. A moment later, he suddenly said, “When I decided to depose you, there was someone else fighting for you.”

An image rose in Li Chengqian’s mind of the green banner that secretly followed the diplomatic group on the way to Nanzhao. Surprised, he asked, “Fan Xian?”

He knew Thirteenth Wang was Fan Xian’s man, but he never knew why Fan Xian had done what he did until the Emperor now made it clear. Endless complicated feelings surged into his heart. He did not know that the private matter between himself and the Eldest Princess had been single-handedly exposed by Fan Xian. In his heart, he pondered this and thought of Fan Xian preparing to help him escape the Royal Palace when the rebellion first failed. For a moment, he was dazed.

The Emperor narrowed his eyes slightly and said, “An Zhi is a true person. Like you, he occasionally has true feelings.”

“I am not as good as him.” After a moment, the Crown Prince sighed. He then stood up and kowtowed sincerely toward the Emperor. Solemnly, he said, “Father, I have always felt resentment toward you. Being able to hear your teachings today, I feel much better. However, before I go, I have one thing to say. Enough people have died in this family. I ask that father will be more lenient in the future to those who are still alive.”

Lenient meant that the Emperor’s past actions had been overly severe. The Emperor’s expression immediately became grave and stern. For some reason, hearing his son’s words did not make the Emperor angry. On the contrary, he looked at Li Chengqian with a complicated gaze and slowly said, “I promise you.”

A gust of autumn evening air poured in from the north of the Royal Palace. It blew along the corridors, gardens, and calm waters, adding a sense of sorrow.

“Live on. I can pretend certain things did not happen.” The Emperor opened his mouth and said something that surprised Li Chengqian greatly.

A tragic smile rose to Li Chengqian’s face. He knew what kind of person his father was. The Emperor valued heart above all else. Since he had already rebelled once, he would never be able to obtain his father’s trust. Furthermore, the matter between him and his aunt had gone against the dragon’s scales.

Li Chengqian would not accept a lifetime of house arrest. As a man of the Li family, he still had to the courage to kill himself. His gaze became cold. Looking at the Emperor, he quietly said, “What point is there in saying these things now?”

“Earlier I asked how would the history books record this period of time,” the Emperor said.

“Presently, we are treacherous people that rebelled and everyone had been put to death. Colluding with foreign enemies, throwing the court into disorder… You are the brilliant ruler of a generation. You have done nothing wrong. All mistakes belong to others.”

The Emperor’s expression had recovered its calm. He quietly listened to Li Chengqian’s indifferent tone, which sank deeply into his bones.

“But, you seemed to have forgotten one thing. Regardless of how the history books paint it, it will have to record how many people died in this month. The Li family lost a grandmother, empress, Eldest Princess, Crown Prince, and a prince in the autumn of the seventh year of the Qing calendar.”

Li Chengqian sighed. It was his first time using an equal and even insulting gaze to look at his father, who could not be defeated. He said, “You will become an Emperor in the history books for all eternity. However, it will be very empty beside you, to the point that there is not a single person. Won’t that be lonely?”

The Emperor looked coldly at him and didn’t say anything. The corners of his lips carried a light smile. It was as if he was saying, How could a god above the Ninth-heaven care about the loneliness above the clouds or the rowdiness in the mortal world?

He then stood up and walked out the door of the Eastern Palace. When he was at the door, his heart moved slightly. He took a letter out from his sleeve. This letter was the Second Prince’s suicide note, which Gong Dian had given to him earlier.

The Emperor took out the thin sheaf of paper and looked at what his second son wanted to tell him before he died.

The two lines on the paper were written carelessly. The ink was spattered. It appeared hurriedly written. However, the turns on the characters had strength. It pierced like a sword into the back of the paper, filled with anger and dissatisfaction.

The first whetstone the Qing Emperor had tossed into the court, the third prince [JW1] Li Chengze, cried out to his lofty father in his last letter much the same way as the Crown Prince. However, the words he used were more piercing and sharper, particularly the last four words.

“Widower! Lonely! Orphan! Alone!”

Old and without a wife was to be a widower. To not be close to a single person in the world was to be lonely. Losing a mother and surviving alone was to be an orphan. Old and without child was to be alone.

The incident at Dong Mountain spread continuously through Jingdou. The Qing Emperor had consecutively broken two Great Grandmasters, lured out and cleaned out the discontent figures in the royal family and the military, picked out the hidden traitors in the court, and, in one move, ensured the Qing Kingdom’s glorious achievement of unifying the world in the future.

However, the empress died, the woman in the past had died long ago, the empress dowager died, the Eldest Princess—who had accompanied the Emperor for 20 years and sacrificed her youth—died, the Crown Prince died, and the Second Prince died. Everyone died.

There was only the Emperor left all alone.

The Qing Emperor coldly read this letter. His fingers trembled slightly. With a rustling sound, the paper dissolved into a pile of white powder, sliding from between his fingers. It was picked up by the autumn wind outside the Eastern Palace doors and dispersed in all directions like a somber snowfall.

A hidden pain flashed through his eyes as his brows furrowed tightly. The words of his two sons before their deaths pierced deeply into this ruler’s heart. The white hairs deepened at the temple of this middle-aged man. The light in his eyes gradually dimmed. There seemed to be a smudge of wetness at the corner of his eyes, but his figure remained tall and straight, strong enough to not move at all.

…

…

The doors of the Eastern Palace once again closed tightly. No one knew what had happened inside, but everyone knew that the Li Chengqian’s last moments would definitely be spent in this cold Palace. It was unknown when the bell in the Royal Palace would right again. Or, perhaps, it would not ring and only coldly watch his death.

The Emperor sent away all the servants and only left Fan Xian to keep him company. Silently, he walked in the night to the depth of the back Palace. Along the way, he passed through the Chen Corridor, the Cold Palace, and spreading grass to come again to the little tower that no one had come to for a long time.

The father and son did not climb the tower or go see the painting in the tower. The Emperor only looked for a while in silence at the little tower. He then resolutely turned around and walked away along the path lined with autumn grass toward somewhere no one was.

Fan Xian followed in silence three steps behind him with a weight in the depths of his heart. There was no need to pretend. It was a true and solid weight.

Faintly, he could guess what the Emperor was feeling. Having all these family members die, even though those family members were enemies he had to get rid of, the affection of shared blood was not something anyone could escape.

The Emperor was like a god, but he was still a mortal. Taoists could forget affection if he was truly a Taoist. Why bother fighting and struggling in this secular world?

Even Fan Xian’s mood was suppressed by the series of deaths. No matter what, the middle-aged Emperor with a face full of exhaustion was still a father, brother, husband, and son.

The two of them stood in knee-high wild grass and maintained a comfortable silence, looking at the silent Royal Palace in the silence. The Emperor did not speak, so Fan Xian did not speak. He only cautious observed the expressions on his profile.

The Emperor was silent for a long time. He had a lot of things he wanted to say to someone, but Fan Xian was only his son.

“Let’s go back.”

“Yes.”

Fan Xian made a sound of agreement with a heavy face. The Emperor turned his head and happened to see a trace of this emotion. His heart dimmed slightly. His feelings for his son abruptly improved. In addition to what the Li Chengqian said earlier, it made the Emperor sink once more into deep thought.

After thinking deeply for a moment, the Emperor waved his hand weakly and said, “If your body is still not feeling well, come in and ask me.”

Fan Xian’s heart jumped knowing what these words meant. Just as he wanted to say something, he found the Emperor had already turned and left.

…

…

After returning to the study and having a late night snack, the Emperor seemed exhausted. Fan Xian wanted to leave the Palace, but was stopped by the Emperor. It seemed that he really needed a companion now.

After some more time, Eunuch Yao came in and quietly said something. The Emperor nodded and allowed Fan Xian to return home to rest. He was to come in tomorrow to discuss matters. Fan Xian accepted the order and left. In the long corridor outside the royal study, he heard a very familiar sound. The sound of a wheelchair rolling across the ground.

He knew the Emperor was watching him from behind. By the faint light from the royal study, his face showed a sense of warmth. He bowed deeply to the old man on the wheelchair and said, “You’re here.”

Chen Pingping had finally returned to Jingdou, the Royal Palace, and the Emperor’s side just when the Emperor was at his loneliest and most needed people.

It was silent inside the royal study. The Emperor looked at his most loyal official, closest friend, and most reliable comrade, and closed his eyes. “I have been too harsh on my sons.”

[JW1] Chengze has been known as the Second Prince, but technically he is the third born son. The story here seems to have chosen to refer to that instead of his position as Second Prince.