Ch. 329 - When Three Walk Side By Side, Who Can Tell Man From Dog?[1]

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"Awooo!"

The husky looked utterly wronged, not daring to waste another second.

By now, Chen Shu absolutely refused to leave the husky alone at home.

Before long, both contract spirits had scarfed down their meals.

"You cultivate that fast? You're already Black Iron rank?!"

A'Liang's expression froze as he sized Chen Shu up and down.

"Just got in a line. Accidentally broke through."

Chen Shu spoke casually, acting like it was no big deal at all.

The three of them left Dorm 333.

The entire building was still dead silent. Aside from Lord Wang downstairs, not a single student was in sight.

Huaxia Academy students often left campus for one or two months at a time — their time back at school really wasn't long.

Chen Shu had originally wanted to get everyone together, but they all had to have dinner with their new roommates, so he had to drop it.

The three of them arrived at a hotpot restaurant.

"From now on, the three of us are roommates!"

Wang Jue said with a grin. Being able to latch onto Chen Shu's coattails had him absolutely thrilled.

And A'Liang, who could take on three people at once, was clearly no ordinary guy either.

The three of them raised their glasses and clinked, their faces beaming with delight.

Revival Era Year 981, September 2nd. The trio was officially assembled!

"I've been thinking about how we're gonna form our beast taming squad."

A'Liang knocked back his drink in one go and spoke. "Normally, beast taming squads are five or six people. Looks like we don't have enough."

"We'll just recruit more when the time comes!"

Chen Shu said dismissively. Huaxia Academy had no shortage of geniuses.

"With our reputation... can we actually recruit anyone?"

"Uh..."

The two of them turned to look at Chen Shu in unison. They themselves were fine — it was Chen Shu who was the real problem.

Burning down a building on day one — nobody wanted to team up with that kind of bandit.

"We'll deal with it later! When the cart hits the mountain, there's bound to be a pit. When the boat hits the bridge, it naturally sinks!"[2]

Chen Shu shook his head, not too bothered.

As long as their strength was enough, they could still form a beast taming squad. And fewer people meant fewer people to split the money with.

Cups were passed around, liquor flowed, and after three rounds, the originally distant relationship between the three of them grew considerably closer.

The three of them were all a bit bleary-eyed as they stumbled back to the dorm with their arms draped over each other's shoulders.

...

The next morning.

Huaxia Academy, No. 1 Drill Ground.

Nearly two thousand people had already gathered. The freshmen of both the Beast Taming and Academic Departments had all assembled here.

The opening ceremony was about to begin!

On the stage, Vice-Principal Qin Tian gazed at the energetic new students, the corner of his mouth lifting with a satisfied smile.

The future of Huaxia was built on generation after generation of young people!

"Old Liu, is everyone here?"

Qin Tian turned to the person beside him and asked.

Old Liu leaned in close. "Three people still haven't arrived. Chen Shu, Wang Jue, and A... A'Liang?"

"Hm? Those three punks. Weren't they notified — ceremony starts at eight sharp?"

"I'll go get them!"

Liu Feng, seated nearby, spoke up. Then he headed straight for Building No. 1.

...

Meanwhile, in Room 333.

"Chen Shu, are we really not going to the opening ceremony?"

The three of them were sprawled across the sofas, fast asleep. They hadn't even gone back to their rooms.

Wang Jue rubbed his eyes, seeming to think it was already pretty late.

"Going my ass. These ceremonies never have any real substance."

Chen Shu mumbled, "It's nothing but talking big. Didn't you two brag enough last night?"

A'Liang showed signs of waking up and muttered, "Pretty sure they dock academic credits for this."

"What's there to be afraid of? I've got negative credits. You two have zero!"

Chen Shu pointed at the ceiling. "I'm not attending today's opening ceremony. Even Jesus couldn't wake me up — and the Nanjiang Bandit said so!"

He rolled over, ready to enjoy a beautiful nap.

"Makes sense. Then let's skip it!"

Right at that instant, three black shadows shot over, slipping in through the backs of their necks and emerging from the cuffs of their pant legs.

The three of them were forcibly threaded together by the black shadows.

"Holy crap!"

The sensation of being suspended in the air jolted Chen Shu wide awake in an instant.

He opened his eyes and saw that his skin was pressed flat against a black spider leg. The ice-cold touch made his scalp go numb.

And up ahead, a massive spider was clinging to the outside of Building No. 1's balcony, its ferocious head staring straight at him.

Some of the dorms still had students in them, and they'd been a bit annoyed at being woken up by the commotion.

But the moment they saw the black spider, they shut their mouths on the spot.

Bam!

The black spider landed with a crash. The three of them slid down along the spider legs as well.

"P-Professor Liu..."

Chen Shu spotted Liu Feng immediately. Obviously, the black spider was one of his contract spirits.

"You three sleep pretty well, huh!"

Liu Feng's gaze swept over them, his expression utterly baffled. "You two sleep in psychiatric gowns? What kind of perverted hobby is that?!"

As it turned out, Chen Shu was wearing his regular clothes. But A'Liang and Wang Jue were dressed in those bizarre psychiatric gowns.

"Holy crap, why the hell am I wearing this?!"

Both of them shouted at once, their eyes full of disbelief.

Liu Feng spoke. "Today is the opening ceremony. Attendance is mandatory. I came to pick you up personally!"

"Professor, I'd like to change clothes... and I need to wash up a bit..."

A'Liang had woken up too and was begging with his hands clasped.

"No time to explain. Hold on tight!"

Liu Feng flatly denied A'Liang's request. With a leap, he landed firmly on the spider's abdomen.

The three of them were each hanging from a different spider leg. Combine that with the psychiatric gowns, and the whole scene looked absurd beyond words.

Boom boom boom!

In an instant, the spider's eight legs churned at extreme speed. As expected of a Gold-rank — it was insanely fast.

"No! Wait! Boss! Today is the opening ceremony — this is social death!"

Wang Jue faced the cold wind head-on, clutching the spider leg for dear life as he yelled.

How the hell did he end up wearing a psychiatric gown for no damn reason?!

A'Liang begged just as desperately, but Liu Feng was unmoved.

Their bodies were cold, but their hearts were even colder!

"Chen Shu, what the hell is going on?"

The two of them turned their eyes to Chen Shu.

"Uh... that welcome gift I gave you guys yesterday..."

Chen Shu spoke up. "You two were drunk at the time, so I specially put them on you..."

"You motherfucker!"

Both of them shouted in alarm. Their first instinct was to strip the gowns off. But the black spider had threaded its legs through the gowns to string them up.

If they took them off, they'd get thrown off immediately. At this speed, that was basically jumping out of a plane without a parachute. Absolute nonsense, right?

Chen Shu tried to comfort them. "It's fine. Just tough it out and it'll be over!"

Way back during the college entrance exam, he and Old Xie and Xiao Xing had all worn psychiatric gowns and hadn't felt the least bit out of place.

Looks like these two still needed some training!

They hadn't fully integrated into the organization yet!

"'Over'?! You motherfucker — you mean the time passes, or we pass on?!"

Just then, the black spider made a great leap and landed firmly on No. 1 Drill Ground.

Because of the spider's appearance, the freshmen all turned to look. Naturally, they also caught sight of the two of them in their psychiatric gowns.

The three of them slid down the spider legs and successfully touched ground!

A'Liang and Wang Jue immediately tore off the psychiatric gowns. Fortunately, they were wearing yesterday's clothes underneath.

But it was already too late. Plenty of people had whipped out their phones, recording this beautiful moment!

Social death always came without the slightest warning!

The two of them shot resentful looks at Chen Shu and said:

"Goddammit! When the three of us walk side by side, who the hell can tell human from dog?!"

[1] 咱仨傍地走，安能辨你是人狗: A direct parody of the famous line from the Ballad of Mulan (木兰诗): "双兔傍地走，安能辨我是雄雌" — "When two rabbits run side by side, who can tell male from female?" The original poem uses this to explain why Mulan's comrades never realized she was a woman during twelve years of war — rabbits running on the ground show no visible gender differences. Here, the author replaces "two rabbits" with "three of us" and "male/female" with "human/dog," a reference to Chen Shu's husky-like Elemental Beast whose chaos is indistinguishable from its owner's.

[2] 车到山前必有坑，船到桥头自然沉: A classic Chen Shu idiom reversal. The original chengyu is "车到山前必有路，船到桥头自然直" — "When the cart reaches the mountain, a path will appear; when the boat reaches the bridge, it will naturally straighten out" (meaning: things will work themselves out). Chen Shu's version replaces "path" (路) with "pit" (坑) and "straighten" (直) with "sink" (沉), turning an upbeat proverb into a declaration of inevitable doom — delivered with complete indifference.