Chapter 85

My scent is – was – so…. Sophia winced and wrinkled her nose as Candice retrieved her clothes from where Sophia had thrown them on the couch just a little while before. … Human. I doubt it’ll ever feel right.

With the shock of the initial transformation wearing off, she found herself increasingly aware of the massive amount of aromatic information coming from all over the cabin. It was fast becoming painful to resist the urge to put the incredibly sensitive organ on her face to use – particularly as one collection of scents reminded her she had fallen well short of meeting her body’s caloric needs.

Oooh, there are mice in here. Saliva started to gather in her mouth, and she looked towards a particularly fresh concentration from the rodents coming from under a nearby couch. No, that’s Wolfgirl thinking; I need to ignore them. Putting the enticing scents out of her mind, she desperately tried to find something else to focus on. Not that either… In corners, behind furniture, underneath cushions, all over the cabin, were scraps of food. Damn it, they could do a much better job cleaning. She turned her head away from the tantalizing aromas in the living room, just to pick up the burger still in Candice’s backpack in the kitchen. Fuck, I’m hungry.

“Could you, uh, lie down?” Candice asked, her scent abashed. “I know we’re both girls… and your fur covers a lot, but…”

Hmm? It took Sophia a moment to realize she had risen onto her knees with her naked upper torso on full display for the other girl, and another to process what the problem was. 

She made a rather wolfish-sounding yelp, and immediately dove for the floor. “Orry.”

“Do… Do you seriously have more than two nipples?” Candice stammered, her scent somehow growing even more embarrassed. “Never mind, don’t answer that.” She took a step forward and stopped. “Uh, by the way, do you still need help getting them on?”

“Yesh, es rrrearrry had to put cothes on witoat tums,” Sophia growled pointedly, lifting her right hand-paw and flexing her diminished thumb while wiggling her claws. “Caws too. Ast furrr moon, ah detroied ma entire oatfit.”

Because wolves don’t wear clothes. She tried to shove the thought away, but it continued to niggle at her.

“I can imagine it’s pretty difficult,” Candice conceded with a sigh. “Ahh… start with your underwear and bra?”

The eight spots now arrayed down Sophia’s front suddenly felt acutely sensitive.

“Rrr, gust ta shit…” Her ears and tail flagged in embarrassment as mirth appeared in Candice’s scent. “Ey! Ooo tie ta tack wit a mussle.”

“I didn’t say anything!” Candice protested, although Sophia could smell her amusement grow even stronger. “Okay, no bra and underwear.”

Sophia sighed and then concentrated, “Ust ma sh–irrr—t and ants.”

“I think all the ants are hibernating this time of year,” Candice deadpanned.

This is going to be a long night.

“Andish!!!” Sophia growled in irritation. “Da sets, uh, wets, ooo no hat ah mean!”

“I’m not sure I do,” Candice teased. “Can you repeat it?”

Oh for… Sophia bared her teeth and growled, drawing a choked giggle from Candice.

“Alright, alright!” Candice placated, amusement still rolling off of her. “We’ll start with the shirt.”

She started forward, sending a fresh wave of the odors Sophia had left on the clothes. Sophia’s nose twitched even as she tried to ignore her desire to further investigate the familiar, yet disquieting combination of human and wolf that had been her scent scarcely an hour before. 

Shadow liked it… She forced herself to turn her head away as a deep-seated ache returned to her heart. At least the wolf part of it.

Lost in her reverie, it took her a few seconds to notice Candice had stopped next to her, and was giving off the scents that were so maddeningly inscrutable.

“Hats rrrong?” Sophia prompted.

“Is this really…” Candice started to ask, before cutting herself off, “Never mind.” 

“Oh, uh, try not to sniff,” she added as she stepped behind Sophia. “It’s not exactly human behavior. I don’t know how much that matters, but better safe than sorry.”

“Grrrood point,” Sophia answered sadly.

“Sit up so I can get your shirt over your head,” Candice ordered.

Here goes. Sophia suppressed a wave of dread as she pushed herself up and braced for the unpleasant feeling of cloth against her fur. I’m human…

Candice slipped the collar of the t-shirt over Sophia’s head. Sophia’s ears reflexively flattened against the side of her head as the shirt brushed them. 

… Even if I feel like a caged animal. She shuddered as the weight of the garment settled onto her and she did her best to resist the urge to remove the unwelcome addition to her fur.

 “Eesh, you look a lot thinner than earlier; too thin,” Candice commented as she held up the right side of the shirt for Sophia to slip her arm through. “Even with all the fur, you look almost emaciated. Is this normal? I mean, normal for a werewolf.”

Is it really that bad? My body does feel pretty rough.

“Ah probaby didn’t eet enuf,” Sophia answered.

Fear laced Candice’s scent. “Are you going to be alright?” 

“Jus give me the burrrgerrrr, und ahl be fin,” Sophia tried to reassure her.

Which isn’t going to be anywhere near enough… Yet another knot formed in her stomach. I’ve always had to eat quite a bit during the night, too.

“I’ll get that for you after we’re done with your clothes,” Candice promised, holding up the left side of the shirt. “You know, it’s good you don’t have fur all the time; think of how hard it would be to keep it clean! And how much shampoo you’d need!”

Last full moon, I hunted and caught a rabbit on my own. That felt incredible! Her tail flicked as a sense of pride ran through her, and immediately wilted. I’ll never experience it again, though.

It finally registered that Candice had made a joke, and Sophia tried to force a laugh as the other girl helped guide her left arm through the sleeve, although it came out as more of a snort.

I’ll also never share another meal with Shadow. Catching stuff for me always made him so happy. I wonder where he is right now?

“Your fur is really pretty, though; it’s kind of a shame to cover it,” Candice commented, assisting Sophia with her other arm. “Hey girl, you’re sniffing again!”

“Ahm trrrying not to!” Sophia protested, snapping her head down. “Ah do it witoat tinking about it.”

“Well, good thing I’m here to remind you,” Candice said. “If I have to, I’ll get a rolled-up newspaper!”

“Hah,” Sophia replied unenthusiastically.

“I’ve got your pants,” Candice said, moving out of the way. “Go ahead and stand up.” 

Without thinking, Sophia let herself fall forward onto her hand-paws and started to stretch out her foot-paws. Her front claws dug into the carpet, sending a thrill down her spine, and her muscles felt renewed energy. 

Suddenly, as she pushed herself fully onto all fours, she was following Shadow through the snow-covered forest and valley again. Her tail started to sway as she imagined his radiant scent guiding her forward. For a brief moment, she felt secure, loved, happy…

“I meant on two legs,” Candice corrected, and the waking dream shattered.

Sophia found herself back in the cabin, fighting the desire to escape the anthropic prison  that surrounded her. Crushed by the unfulfillable need to find her pack and territory, where she knew she belonged deep in her soul.

“Rrright,” she replied, feeling even more drained than before. “Shilly me.”

Somehow, she mustered the strength to struggle upright onto her foot-paws. As she stood there, the emptiness she had felt before the dance presented itself, and she gladly plunged back into it.

“You know? It’s getting easier to understand you,” Candice observed. “We’ll keep you human yet!”

How much longer until morning? Sophia stared vacantly into space as the second movie of the night blared uncomfortably loud. I guess it doesn’t really matter…

At least if she had cared to acknowledge her body, the sound would have been uncomfortable. Vaguely, she was aware of other unpleasant sensations: her tail painfully pinched between her and the floor, clothes pulling and pushing against fur, irritated, burning, itching skin, an excruciatingly dry nose, aching joints, and a sense time was running out as her hunger remained unaddressed. However, deep within the cave she had retreated, they all felt distant. Sensations, instincts, thoughts, desires – whether they were human or wolf made no difference as she waited impassively for the night to end.

Sophia’s ears reflexively twitched as Candice laughed at something on the television, and she forced herself to glance at the screen. Like it had been all night, the TV was uncomfortably bright, and consisted of little more than jerkily moving splotches of various shades of yellow, blue, and gray. She was only able to stand looking for a moment before averting her eyes to the floor, leaving large spots temporarily burned into her retinas.

Strewn across the living room were various games and other attempts at passing the time. Most had been abandoned due to one limitation or another of Sophia’s form, but there had been a few she had half-heartedly engaged in. She might have even had a little fun with one or two of them, but all had ultimately been left neglected on the floor. At some point, Candice had given up actively trying to draw Sophia out of her lassitude and put a movie on.

Candice should really get some sleep; it’s not like I’m going anywhere. A faint whisper of fear reached her across the emotional void. Maybe ever again.

It took Sophia a few seconds to realize the room had gone quiet.

Why’d she stop the movie? She slowly turned her head towards the couch where Candice had been lying. Wasn’t she enjoying it?

For the first time in hours, Sophia was sorely tempted to employ her olfactory capabilities. However, she dutifully eschewed it in favor of visually appraising her friend…

… Which didn’t get her much. Candice was sitting upright, legs crossed, and arms dangling at her sides. She wasn’t moving, which made it difficult for Sophia to keep her interest. Nor were there any obvious emotional cues, as far as she could tell. Her eyes didn’t appear to be fixed on Sophia, so no help there. No bared teeth or raised fur, and her ears remained hidden underneath the long fur on her head.

Hair, it’s hair. 

In the absence of anything obviously wrong, it finally occurred to Sophia to break the silence herself.

“Rrrhy’d ooo top?” Sophia asked.

“I… I can’t do this anymore!” Candice replied loudly, her eyes fixing on Sophia. “I can’t take it!”

Sophia’s ears swiveled towards her friend in puzzlement. “Take hat?”

Why is she staring at me? Her friend’s continued gaze was starting to unnerve her. Is this a challenge? No, that’s a wolf thing.So, why?

“This,” Candice said sharply, moving her arms around. “You.”

“Mrrre?” Sophia cocked her head, thoroughly lost.

“Sophia, what are you doing?” Candice asked. “Why are we here?”

Why would she need to ask that? Is the lack of sleep catching up to her?

“Ahm tryin’ to stay hooman,” Sophia replied slowly.

“And I can’t do it anymore!” Candice exclaimed. “You’ve been trying to be human all week, and… and…” She took a breath and then let it out. “And you’re just not.”

Sophia stared at Candice, completely dumbfounded.

“Ahm doin’ hat ooo anted!” She pointed out.

“I know!” Candice replied. “I was terrified you’d stop being you, that you’d be nothing more than an animal, but you became, well, you! And forcing you to be something you’re not is destroying you!” Her voice broke. “You’re meant to be a wolf; you’ve always been meant to be a wolf.”

“But ma mom…” Sophia started to protest as the shell she had so carefully constructed around herself started to disintegrate.

I’m a… I want to be a wolf. But I don’t know that I should be…

“Damn it, Sophia, you’re miserable!” Candice interrupted, shocking Sophia with her directness. “I don’t know what your mom was worried about or what she knew, but I don’t think she would have wanted you to be like this.”

I’m ignoring the feelings like you told me to, Mom, but I feel so empty, so lost without them.

The pain from her tail being pinned to the floor became too much, and Sophia leaned to her side. She tried to flex it, but it caught on the sweatpants she had insisted on pulling over it.

Gah, these clothes are so uncomfortable. My skin is burning and itching everywhere!

“See anted to prrrotet me,” Sophia managed as a lupine whine escaped her.

I’m so hungry… The physical exhaustion, pain, and mounting terror she had been suppressing hit her full force. If I don’t eat soon…

“Because she wanted you to live,” Candice asserted. “And this isn’t living.”

“Ah ant loze ooo,” she made one last desperate attempt to argue. “Ike ma mother.”

“You won’t,” Candice assured her, climbing off the couch and kneeling in front of Sophia. “I’m sorry I pushed you into this; made you suffer. I was so afraid of losing you the last few weeks that I wouldn’t let myself admit what I could plainly see.” She inhaled sharply and then lunged forward to throw her arms around Sophia’s neck. “So, please, stop fighting what you are, what you’ve always been. Be the real Sophia.” A loud sob racked Candice before she added. “Do that for me now.”

Stop fighting what you are… Sophia let her muscles go limp as she leaned against her friend. What am I? Then it wasn’t Candice there with her, but her mother was the one holding her as she pondered the question. I’m a wolf… The answer reverberated from the core of her being, but in her mother’s voice. I’ve always been a wolf…

For a fleeting instant, she swore she could feel a sense of peace that didn’t come from her. 

And then it was Candice’s arms holding her again.

The last of her resistance crumpled, and she dared to take a sniff, and then another. Her friend’s scent flowed into Sophia’s nostrils, and she submerged herself in it. Other smells and odors came with it, and she greedily sucked them in. Thread by thread, her brain assembled a magnificent tapestry made up of nothing more than the chemical information in the air, and she felt like a veil had been lifted. Despite being simultaneously repulsed by the human environment and eagerly desiring to fully investigate the many secrets her nose hinted at, she returned her focus to the girl still embracing her.f

Two-leg, friend, packmate, Candice. For the first time in a week, Sophia felt at ease with herself, but there was still something missing, and it tore at her deeply. But I belong elsewhere.

Saline was heavy in the air, and she realized Candice was crying. Then she heard high-pitched whines and realized they were coming from her, and she was crying. For a moment, she considered returning her friend’s hug, but instead did what came naturally. Tilting her head, she gave her friend several affectionate licks across her neck. Candice jerked briefly in surprise, but didn’t pull away.

“I suppose I really do have to get used to that,” Candice giggled.

Sophia simply chuffed before continuing to cry in the only way a wolf could.