Chapter 82

“What the hell?!” Sophia exclaimed, teeth bared as she shook water from her eyes.

“Sorry," Candice apologized sheepishly. “You were getting a little crazy, and it was the only thing I could think of. I mean, I did try talking first.”

“I wasn’t…” Sophia started to protest indignantly, but then sighed. “I’m a real mess tonight, aren’t I?”

“Girl, you’ve been a mess all week,” Candice commented dryly. “I’m surprised you haven’t tried mauling someone before tonight.” She smirked. “And if I’m going to be alone in a cabin with an emotionally unstable werewolf without any hope of rescue, I’d like to at least know why I might have my throat ripped out. So, get talking; what exactly went down last Sunday? How did you go from being hellbent on turning into a wolf…” Candice waved her hands to indicate Sophia. “… to this.”

What did happened? Sophia stared at a brown couch on the other side of the room. It’s all such a blur.

“You’re right, I owe you an explanation,” she conceded. “I guess I’ve been trying to avoid dealing with it all week, but that’s just made everything worse.”

“Uh huh,” Candice agreed wryly.

“Alright, I’ll try,” Sophia said, hugging her blanket tightly. “It’s going to sound ridiculous, though.” 

“Soph, if you told me vampires were real, I wouldn’t even blink at this point.” Candice looked at Sophia and raised an eyebrow. “Are they?”

“Not that I know of,” Sophia answered with a shrug.

“Too bad,” Candice said, sounding disappointed. “Anyway, last Sunday…”

Sophia took a deep breath. “Last Sunday afternoon, I went to the hills behind my house to visit Shadow like usual, but before I could meet up with him, I was attacked by another wolf.” 

“You were attacked?” Candice gasped.

“It was a female, and I really thought she was going to kill me,” Sophia confirmed with a shiver as she recalled the wolf’s fetid breath. “And she could have easily, but she seemed more interested in figuring out what I was. Then she said something in Wolfish.”

“I’m still confused by ‘Wolfish’,” Candice interrupted. “Like, wolves can speak it, but dogs can’t? What’s the dealio there?”

Is this really important right now?

“I’m pretty sure it’s a language that only Shadow and his wolves know.” Sophia gave her an exasperated look. “At least I think that’s what Shadow told me. I’ve heard dogs using some of the ‘words’, but I think it’s just instinctive for them? If that makes sense?”

“So, it’s like English, but with rawr, roof, awoo?” Candice pressed with a chuckle.

“Do you want me to tell you what happened or not?” Sophia snapped. “This is really hard for me.”

“Right, sorry. Just trying to lighten the mood,” Candice winced. “So, a strange wolf knew Wolfish and didn’t kill you. Got it.”

“Anyway.” Sophia rolled her eyes. “Shadow appeared while she had me on the ground, and I thought he was going to attack her, but then they started arguing. I didn’t understand a lot of what they were saying, but I’m pretty sure it was his mother.”

“His mother?”

“It’s strange, but there was something about her scent that reminded me of Shadow, and he seemed, I don’t know, respectful?” Sophia shrugged. “Anyway, she seemed very angry with him.”

“Wow,” Candice laughed. “Even wolves can’t escape family drama.”

Sophia furrowed her brow as she tried to remember what had been said. “He wasn’t supposed to be there; that much was clear, and he certainly wasn’t supposed to be with me. I’m pretty sure she wanted him to come back with her.”

“But Shadow refused?”

Sophia simply nodded as tears started to well up in her eyes.

He was ready to fight his own mother for me…

“And then…” Sophia’s voice cracked. “And then, she said she recognized my scent. That she remembered the smell from the car of the human Shadow had killed!” She took a steadying breath before finishing. “I didn’t want to believe it, but Shadow said it was true!”

“Oh, wow.” Candice’s jaw dropped open. “That’s… I don't know what to say.” She climbed onto the couch’s armrest and wrapped her arm around Sophia. “No wonder you’re a mess. Damn it, if I ever meet him…”

“That’s not why, not really,” Sophia heard herself say and immediately regretted it.

Too late to take it back. She closed her eyes and inhaled, noting the smell of saline amidst the countless other smells in the room. Might as well admit it, to her and myself.

“I’ve spent all week trying to make myself hate him, trying to convince myself he killed her,” Sophia whispered. “But deep down, I know there has to be more to the story… I just know it.”

“You still love him,” Candice observed.

“He looked so sad, so ashamed…” Sophia recalled, her voice cracking. “I miss him so much, and it’s tearing me apart that I can’t go back to him.”

“Because you no longer believe you’re meant to be a wolf?” Candice supplied, her face and voice inscrutable.

Can I tell her about my mom? The desire to get on all fours and investigate every possible scent in the cabin had intensified to almost painful levels. I promised I would tell her everything.

“The night before the accident,” she started slowly, “my mom came into my room to talk about how I felt about wolves. She told me it was really important that I ignore the feelings.”

“What?!” Candice exclaimed, nearly toppling off the armrest. “She knew this could happen? How???”

“I don’t know.” Sophia wrapped her arms around her legs, pulling them tightly against her. “I had forgotten that night after… everything, but when I learned what Shadow had done…” Candice gave her a reassuring hug as she faltered. “It all came back to me, and, well, it terrified me. I realized then just how far I had gone.”

“Understandable,” Candice murmured.

“Could this… curse… have killed her?” Sophia asked aloud. “What is going to happen to me if I don’t stop it? I’ve already changed so much!”

Am I going to kill you? She left her biggest fears unsaid. Is the curse?

 Candice guessed her worry anyway. “Sophia, if I thought you were a danger to me, I wouldn’t have agreed to this.”

“But Michelle! The full moon!” Sophia protested. “I’m turning into a monster! You tried to stop me, my mom tried to stop me, but I didn’t listen!”

If only I had taken Logan’s hand…

“Sophia, look at me.” Candice grabbed Sophia’s shoulder. “Look at me.”

Despite human and wolf wanting to look anywhere else, Sophia forced herself to meet her friend’s eyes.

“Nothing that’s happened in the last month can make me believe you’re turning into a monster,” Candice told her firmly. “Despite everything, you’re still the same girl that’s been my best friend since first grade; the same wolf-obsessed girl.” She laughed. “I know what happened tonight has you scared – heck, it scared me – but whatever your mom was worried about, I don’t think that was the reason.”

How can she be so calm?

“You’re sure?” Sophia asked doubtfully.

“Very,” Candice assured her. “Whatever happens, I believe that much.”

Somehow, Sophia found herself reassured by her friend’s conviction.

“Okay,” she said, nodding.

Candice glanced at the window behind her. “Now, it’s late, and you’ve had a rough night. We’re not going to make any decisions tonight, and Patty said she’d come by in the morning.”

New guilt caused Sophia to tear her gaze away from her friend. “I’m sorry I ruined the dance for you.”

“There’ll be other dances,” Candice told her, getting off the couch. “Mark understood when I told him I needed to help you. He even let me borrow his coat.” She started to stretch and then paused. “Oh, don’t worry about being the subject of another missing person search; I made sure to get a message to your dad.”

Sophia looked up at her in horror. I completely forgot about Dad!

“Don’t worry, I used Patty’s phone,” Candice assured her.

“He’s going to kill me,” Sophia moaned. “I was supposed to go home right after the dance. He almost didn’t let me go as it is.” She looked at Candice helplessly. “When he finds out I attacked someone…”

And what about school…? They’re going to expel me!

“Let’s deal with the full moon first,” Candice reminded her as she stepped over to a bag at the far end of her couch. “You’re free of him for a few days at least.”

Easy for her to say. Her parents aren’t about to kick her out on the street. But, she’s right. One thing at a time.

“Now, on to more important things: do you want the Bad Girl tee or the one with the rock and roll devil girl?” Candice asked, holding up two shirts.

The night was fitful for Sophia, and the scant sleep she got was plagued by nightmares. Day brought little respite, even with Candice’s attempts to keep her distracted. When she wasn’t struggling to suppress her lupine side, she lay on one of the cabin’s couches, despondently staring up at the ceiling. Her hunger was intensifying by the hour, and what food was available was far too meager to ease it, or made her sick to her stomach. By the time daylight started to fade, even Candice’s saintly patience was starting to wear thin.

“I know you want meat!” Candice snapped as she slammed the fridge door closed. “If you eat the rest of what Patty brought, there won’t be anything for tomorrow morning!”

“You should have let me freeze,” Sophia said miserably, leaning back against a counter. “It would have solved everything.”

“Don’t say that!” Candice pleaded, her shoulders slumping. “Never say that!”

“I’m sorry. I know you’re sacrificing a lot to help me.” Sophia hung her head in shame. “It’s just – I feel like my whole body wants to come apart. The more you or I keep me from acting wolfy, the more I want to. I don’t know what I’m going to do tomorrow, even if I don’t starve.”

It would especially help if these clothes didn’t feel like sandpaper against my skin and reek of detergent. She tugged at her shirt, trying to give herself some relief, however fleeting. And I thought my clothes were bad.

“You only have a couple of days to get through,” Candice tried to encourage her, although her exhausted eyes undermined the effort. “We can do this together. I told Patty to stock up on as much meat or fish as she could today, even if it’s canned. That bread or crackers won’t do it.” 

Sophia slid down the front of the counter to sit on the floor. Damn it, the food smells are even worse down here.

“But this won’t go away after the full moon,” she said aloud. “Sure, the hunger might, but not the cravings, or the urges. I want blood so badly I can taste it.”

And I’m pretty sure I’ve been smelling mice since we got here.

“The only times I feel any happiness today are when I’ve acted like a wolf without realizing it.” She looked up at Candice, who was leaning over the kitchen’s center island. “This isn’t going to end after Tuesday night; this is just my life now. But it’s what I have to do.”

“But what do you want to do?” Candice asked suddenly.

Don’t tell me she’s giving up… Sophia’s blood ran cold even as the thought tantalized her.

“My mom warned me…” She started.

“Not what did your mom want,” Candice interrupted. “What do you want?”

What do I want? Sophia went silent as she contemplated the question. That hasn’t changed, has it?

“I still feel like a wolf,” she admitted in a trembling voice. “These instincts aren’t wolf instincts; they’re my instincts.” She swallowed. “And what I want is to be me.”

“Then…” Candice started to say.

“But I CAN’T be me!” Sophia pushed herself off the floor as adrenaline surged. “My mom was afraid of that for a reason! Maybe she even died trying to prevent it!”

Candice flinched as Sophia grabbed her hands.

“Please, I can’t do this without you,” Sophia pleaded, her eyes wide, desperate.

Don’t give up on me!

Candice sighed and slowly pushed herself fully upright.

“Of course I’ll help you, but you’re going to have to meet me halfway,” she said tiredly. “Can you at least try eating some bread or noodles?”

I could just let myself go for a little bit… Sophia restlessly paced around the bathroom later the next day. Would it be so bad if I limited myself to the bathroom? I could just check out the sink even. It’s not like I can open the door.

Reaching up, she touched the clothespin she had requisitioned from the living room drapes earlier in the day. The pain in her nose where she had clipped it had subsided to a dull ache hours earlier. Her hand wrapped around the ends of the pin, and she started to squeeze.

No! She let go, and fresh pain shot through her nose as the pin snapped shut. I have to be strong!

With a frustrated grunt, she let herself fall against the bathroom wall and slid down to the floor. The pain in her nose provided temporary respite from the intolerable need to properly explore a novel environment. It also provided a distraction from the maddening combination of the pain in her stomach, irritated skin, her usual bodily dissonance, and instinctive anxiety that came with being confined in a small space.

How can my stomach feel so sick and so empty at the same time? 

She looked down at the pile of chicken and tuna cans she had licked clean hours before, searching for something – anything – she might have missed. Her tongue ached sympathetically from where she had cut it on one of the cans. Seeing nothing, she pulled her legs tightly into her stomach and lay her head against them.

Oooh, I knew the noodles were a bad idea. Closing her eyes, she focused on her breathing even as she dug her fingers into her legs. How am I going to survive another day of this? There’s barely any meat left for tonight! She chewed on her lip. And then what? Suffer through this every month for the rest of my life? Normal days are hell as it is!

Opening her eyes, she raised her head to look at the untouched stack of magazines she had brought into the bathroom in a vain attempt to have something to do while she waited.

And what’s to come tomorrow night? She shivered.

“Sophia?” Candice’s voice rang out from the kitchen. “I’m back!”

“I’m in here!” Sophia called out hoarsely as she struggled shakily to her feet. “I, uh, need some help opening the bathroom door.”

 “What do you mean you need help? What’s wrong with the door?” There was the sound of footsteps and then, “DID YOU SERIOUSLY REVERSE THE DOOR HANDLE???”

“I didn’t trust myself to stay in the bathroom,” Sophia admitted as the door swung open. “How was school?”

Candice’s eyes widened as she surveyed the bathroom. “How long have you been in here???”

“Since this morning sometime,” Sophia answered matter-of-factly as she shimmied past Candice. “I didn’t know what else to do, and I don’t want to talk more about it.” Stepping over to the kitchen island, she grabbed the few cans and pouches she had forced herself to leave out. “I hope you bought more of this.”

“Holy –” Candice was still staring into the bathroom. “You ate all of that???”

“And I’m still starving,” Sophia confirmed, yanking a can lid off. “Please tell me there’s more.”

“I stashed a little away, just in case,” Candice told her. “But Sophia, I spent the rest of what I had just getting you that.” She gestured towards the island. “And even borrowed from Patty.”

“And I’ll pay you both back!” Sophia promised between a mouthful of chicken. “Somehow.”

I’ve spent all my money already; how am I going to pay them back???

“Sophia, this isn’t working,” Candice announced. “Patty is wondering what we’re doing in here, and I’m not going to be able to stave her off much longer. My parents are asking questions, you’re torturing yourself, and I’m turning into a nervous wreck. I’m pretty sure I failed a quiz today. I’ve never failed a quiz! What’s going to happen to my grades???”

She’s worried about grades??? I had to lock myself in a small room all day, and she’s worried about grades???

“Do you think I want any of this???” Chicken splattered around the island and floor as Sophia dropped the can. “I’m doing this for you! You want me to stay human! My mom wanted me to stay human!” Her voice rose even louder even as tears started to roll down her cheeks. “Well, I am! And this is what it’s going to take!”

“Listen, Sophia…”

“Candy, I’m scared,” Sophia admitted desperately. “I was looking forward to the full moon, and now I’m terrified of it. My mom was afraid of something, and I don’t know what to believe anymore.” She took a moment to lick up some chicken juice that had landed on her hand. “The one thing I thought I was sure about is the one thing I can’t do.”

Candice took a deep breath. “Alright, I guess we’ve made it this far. One more day and night and then we’ll figure something else out.” She flashed a grim smile. “I’m going to beg you to eat me by the end of this, aren’t I?”