Imperfect Desires

In Greek, the word 'Nostalgia' literally means, 'the pain from an old wound'. This meaning defines nostalgia perfectly. Even though the word itself seems delicate but the meaning behind it is potent beyond words. It has the ability to act as a pinch of salt on a person's wounds. Wounds that he seemed to be running from.

The game that Jackson played had managed to scratch the layer of those memories that Darren didn't dare visit. Not because they were painful but instead because that past seemed so beautiful that it scared him. It was scary just to know that the beautiful past was just past that was lost. And the one in the past was just a memory now.

But even though nostalgia is painful, it's a seducer that lures us in and gives us no way out. We get so engrossed in feeling that pain that it becomes a drug. One which we can't live without anymore. Perhaps, that was one of the reasons Darren couldn't bring himself to forget anything about Chen Xiu. 

That was just one of those memories that Darren wasn't willing to forget at all. He still couldn't forget how people called Chen Xiu an innocent fairy while she was really a fairy but her anger wasn't one of a fairy. 

Although even hearing her name was painful, the memories of her still held some comfort for him. At least, in his memories... She was alive. She was breathing. She was being her innocent, silly and broken self.

Presently, seeing the sad lazy smile lingering on Darren's face Xiu was taken aback. She always felt that he was sad. As if he was dying inside silently like she used to do. Even his grey eyes had lost their luster that always mesmerized her. He reminded her of her past self so much that it was becoming scary now.

Clicking her fingers before his eyes, she startled him. "Wakey, wakey! Is your daydream more beautiful than reality?" Darren didn't even hesitate before nodding his head. Xiu shook her head at him, "Even if it's beautiful, it's still just a dream you're seeing with open eyes. It's pointless." Then she held his wrist pulling him up from the couch as she said, "You come with me."

"Not like I have a choice. Even if I don't want to, aren't you still dragging me with you?" Darren's response forced Xiu to drop his hand as she took him to the balcony and closed the door to avoid Nora's eavesdropping.

Xiu observed his face for a moment and asked, "Don't you have something to say to me?"

Darren tapped his finger on his chin in a thoughtful manner and Xiu waited patiently with an eager look in her eyes. However, Darren burst her bubble with, "I don't think so."

Xiu gave him a disbelieving look and asked again, "So, you have nothing to tell me about last night?"

"What happened last night?" Darren feigned ignorance or more like he played her role of alcohol amnesia. "Why can't I remember? Did I get amnesia overnight?" He rubbed his temples as if stressing his mind to remember but couldn't do so.

Xiu slapped his arm and said, "Don't act with me. I'm better at it than you. So, I can see right through you!"

Darren straightened up and said, "That I know. You are definitely better than me at acting." He looked at the crease between her brows and added, "But I really don't know what you want to talk about. Why don't you give me a hint?"

His last word was yet at his lips when Xiu pecked his lips at the speed of light and turned around to look around. Darren stood there trying to figure out how nimble her body really was. "Is that hint enough?" She asked exasperatedly.

"I thought we were gonna pretend like that kiss didn't happen," said Darren with slightly upturned lips.

With a 'woosh', Xiu turned around to face him and eyed him strangely with a complex look. "You want to pretend like it didn't happen?"

"I didn't say that. I thought you wanted to forget it like that didn't happen ever," he stated honestly as he leaned against the metal railing of the balcony.

Xiu took a long breath and said, "So, you don't want to forget?"

"I didn't say that either," was his reply which really got on her nerve now. Was he playing with her or what?

She held his collar and asked, "What do you want to say then?"

Darren patted her hand which held his collar to soothe her and said, "Actually, I'm waiting for you to say something. Only then I can come to a conclusion of whether to forget about last night or not."

Xiu took her hands off of his collar and scratched her head. She also leaned against the railing beside him as they looked at the beautiful sky littered with fluffy clouds.

While Xiu was trying to say what she had in mind, she heard Darren's voice again, "If you want I can even apologize for what I did last night. Then we'll forget it like it never even happened at all."

"Do you want to apologize for it?" asked Xiu curiously. She looked at his face to figure out his reply.

"Honestly..." He looked into her eyes and sighed out defeatedly, "I don't want to apologize. I even think I won't be able to forget it." He really was feeling defeated before the look in her eyes again. Why did she of all people have that effect on him?

"Me too..." said Xiu softly and went on, "I don't want to apologize or forget. I thought about it a lot over the night and I really can't. No... The right words would be, I don't want to."

"What do you want then, Sweets?" Darren stopped dilly-dallying as he asked.

Xiu breathed out from her mouth and said, "Would you like to date me?"