Imperfect Desires

Life often has a way of presenting us with a question. We can either choose the same old road that got us here in the first place or we can choose to do something we never saw ourselves doing. Sometimes, what we thought was real ended up as just an illusion. Now, Xiu was taking a chance with those sparks she felt with Darren that seemed like an illusion to find some reality.

She didn't know what Darren and she had but whatever it was, she knew she wasn't willing to give up on it without trying. She didn't want to regret this moment. She loved it that he could make her wear a smile without even trying at all. It was something new to her. But it was equally exciting as well.

"Date? You?" Darren's brows quirked up ever so slightly at her.

Xiu played with her fingers as she said, "I know the idea is abrupt and seems very random. Also, I know I'm a fucking disaster. But..." She looked at him again with a sincere look and said, "I promise I'll be an awesome fucking disaster and not the worse kind."

Darren chuckled at her response and asked, "Do you like me?"

Xiu nodded her head before shaking it. "I mean, I do like you as a friend. As a person. You could be considered a very rare kind of a decent man I've met in my life. I can't find a reason not to like you."

"So you don't have any feelings for me?" he questioned with interest. Oddly, his own mind was blank for now. There was nothing running through his mind at all. All of his attention was on Xiu and her answers.

"Do you?" Xiu asked in response and Darren gave her an inquisitive look. "I mean you also don't have any feelings for me. At least not the ones you could give a name to." Darren was taken aback since her words had hit the mark. He couldn't refuse even if he wanted to. "But as I said last night, is it necessary for our feelings to have a name. Isn't the mystery of not knowing those feelings even more intriguing?"

Darren stayed quiet for a minute before speaking, "People who date are often looking for either love or help, what are you looking for?"

Xiu didn't expect this question from him but she still had to answer, "I'm neither looking for love nor help. What I'm looking for are words." Darren's brows creased and she continued, "The words to describe that connection we have with each other. You're not an impulsive person neither am I. Yet, we both get impulsive around each other like last night. You came running to the bus stop without even thinking, just like I hugged you without any thought. I want to learn why we have that connection."

Darren was lost for words to know how aligned her thoughts were with his own. They both felt something, but both had no words for that feeling. Both felt a strange connection. Both were being impulsive around each other. And both weren't really looking for love. Yet they both were curious to learn about the other one.

"I can even list out the perks of dating me," Darren looked at her again as she went on counting, "First of all, I am a very honest person. Second, you don't have to worry about cheating at all since I literally despise any other man. Third, whenever you say that we are not good together, we'll just go back to being friends." Darren kept listening silently and she kept talking all by herself, "You can always count on me. Also, I actually respond to texts, unlike someone who vanishes for days without so much of a simple text."

Darren choked on air as he coughed at the last sentence which was a blatant taunt directed at him. Even now, she wasn't over it. 

When he didn't speak for a long while, Xiu's mind started running in the negative direction again. She bit her nails in anxiousness and kept her eyes lowered as she wondered, 'Did I say something wrong? Does he think I'm not good enough? Well, I am not good enough but I can try to be better.'

At this moment, Darren took a step close to her and with his hand behind her head, he planted his lips at the space right between in her eyebrows. Xiu was surprised as she lifted her eyes to look at him with surprise written all over her face. Darren tucked her hair behind her ear and said, "Sweets, never ever say that you're not good enough for anyone." 

Xiu's eyes widened dramatically as he chuckled at her reaction and tapped her nose saying, "Yes, you thought out loud. But I am serious. It's not that you're not good enough for me. I think it's the other way around."

Xiu held his arms and scowled, "If we both are not good enough in our own ways, then... Wouldn't we make one hell of a not-good-enough pair?" Xiu pressed her forehead against his and looked closely into his eyes as she added, "I forgot to mention. The biggest perk of dating me is, I'm sometimes hilarious."

Darren pressed his lips together to stifle his laughter and nodded as he said, "Aiya, Sweets, now that perk is making hard for me to say no."

"Is that a yes?" Xiu asked with anticipation.

"It's indeed a yes," said Darren in reply making Xiu wrap her arms around his neck again for a tight hug. "I guess you love hugs."

"Didn't I mention I love giving surprise hugs?" she questioned in confusion and he shook his head, "Then now you know. I am a huggy person."

Darren laughed out as he touched her head and said, "Sheesh. Now, it's impossible for me to back off. Where else would I find such enticing perks of dating?"

"Are you making fun of me?" Xiu narrowed her eyes at him as she pulled away.

Darren held her hand and said, "I wouldn't even dare."