Imperfect Desires

'I feel cold inside... A cold heart...'

Those were the words scribbled on the very first page of the old diary in Xiu's hands. It took her a while to actually gather the courage to read it. She asked Darren to take care of their son while she sat down in the room to read this diary.

*Flashback*

Back then Chen Hana had lost everything that she held dear to her because of Xin Suyin's jealousy. She lost her family, her identity, and she almost lost her life as well. In fact, she had actually lost her life. What was left was just a shell. A shell without a soul. 

She had chosen to stay on a remote island to recuperate where no one recognized her. The island was inhabited by simple fishermen families. She was like a lifeless person living in these lively people who were happy with what they have. Those people had no worries at all. Their only worry was what they were gonna eat that day and that's all. Their lives were really simple and there were no fights and jealousies.

Chen Hana liked these simple people and their simplicity. Although it wasn't enough to bring her back to life, it was enough to make her believe that not everyone had ulterior motives in life. Her life was going on this manner until one day, a little girl was found on the shore. 

No one knew for how long the little girl had stayed in water or how did she reach an island that was far from civilization. Not only that, somehow, the little girl was desperately fighting to live as well because she was still breathing. Although her breath was faint, it was a sign that she was alive.

Being simple people that they were, all of those fishermen's families were worried about the little girl. They only had a traditional doctor who couldn't help much. And the only person who was familiar with the outside world was Chen Hana. Seeing their worry for an unknown girl, Chen Hana decided to listen to them and took that little girl to the closest city from there. 

But the girl was very young and she had spent far too long struggling in the water so it was uncertain whether she would survive for long or not. Chen Hana knew nothing about the little girl and she only called her Xiu because of the bracelet she wore. 

The little girl's life was saved by the doctors but she went into a coma. Just a five-year-old actually closed her eyes as if she was scared to open her eyes and see the boundless ocean again. Since the girl's identity was unclear, Chen Hana tried to file a complaint at police stations. 

She thought someone must be looking for the girl and would reach out for her. Or there must be a missing complaint but she was disappointed. But she didn't give up, she tried to make use of the mass media to find the little girl's family. Back then the internet wasn't a thing and mass media was also limited. 

The newspaper or news channels could only broadcast the news within Thailand. But Xiu wasn't from that country, how would anyone recognize her there? So, Chen Hana was bound to be disappointed once again.

It was just that she didn't want to give up. She knew how it felt to be lonely in this world without a family or an identity that belonged to you. So, she tried everything she could to help Xiu but she was also powerless. Once she had the help of her family but now, she was just a normal person.

She actually wanted to contact Su Xixi who saved her that night and even helped her get a new identity. Although she didn't know why Su Xixi helped her, it didn't matter to her. It was enough for her to know that Su Xixi or the people behind her were powerful enough. And she thought they'd be able to find Xiu's family easily.

It's a pity that during that Wen Ai's condition wasn't good and that's why it was impossible to reach Su Xixi as well. Thinking that Su Xixi must be busy, Chen Hana gave up on this lead as well.

It took a year for the little girl to actually wake up from the coma. But she had become reticent. She looked at everything with caution in her eyes. The drowning incident left a huge trauma. The little girl ended up folding herself up in a shell. And whoever tried to peel a layer of that shell to sneak a peek at her, she'd lose her calm and start screaming in fear. 

Chen Hana had to look for several psychologists to help her. But even after two years, the little girl never opened up. She never even said a word. But in these two years, she had come to form a trust in Chen Hana. She'd become vigilant before others but she'd always hide behind Chen Hana as if she trusted her wholeheartedly.

This behavior of the little girl left Chen Hana in a very complicated mood. She had become someone's pillar of support and she couldn't figure out what to feel about that. 

But helping Xiu also costs money. In fact, money flowing out of her wallet like flowing water. And Chen Hana wasn't the Young Miss of a relatively rich family anymore either. She had to look for work to continue Xiu's treatment and to make them survive as well.

During that time, she ran into an old acquaintance who introduced her to work. The only difference was once she worked in front of the screen but now, she chose to work behind the screen to hide from Xin Suyin. 

And since she couldn't leave the little Xiu alone at home, she took her to the set with her.

But she'd have never thought that that one incident would change everything in both their lives.

*To be Continued*