Imperfect Desires

"I'm getting fat!"

"My silly little lass, you're not getting fat," repeated Xin Zimen for the nth times already. 

For the past two hours, Xiu had been saying, 'I'm getting fat' and he had been repeating, 'No, you're not.' It was like they were playing a game back and forth. Both of them were not even getting tired of saying the same thing over and over again. 

Xiu's question was a test for someone's patience but Xin Zimen was neither annoyed nor impatient. 

In fact, the people watching it not impatient. "Poor Xiao Zi," muttered Xin Zemin when he saw this scene.

Zhao Huan hit his arm, "Let it be. Xiao Zi loves to spoil her the most anyway. Even if she asked till the end of time, he still won't get tired of answering."

"He really has patience for her," said Xin Zemin with an amusing smile. "Even though he is the most impatient person around here."

"Those rules don't apply to the daughter of the house," said Zhao Huan. "In this family, who isn't willing to spoil her? Even the ones who annoy her only want to spoil her."

Xin Zemin nodded his head in agreement. Then he pulled his wife and left these two alone.

"Ah-Xin, aren't you tired?" asked Xiu when they left.

Xin Zimen gave her a loving look, "Nope. I'll never get tired of my little lass."

Xiu scoffed unhappily, "But I'm telling you. As much as this little tiger is growing, I'm getting fat!"

"Yes, the blame is all on my grandson. How dare he made my daughter fat? Such a crime!"

Xiu looked at his expression and burst out laughing. "You don't even know how to act."

Xin Zimen rubbed her head gently, "Oh, I have an amazing actress like you around. How can I steal your thunder by being a good actor? That I can't do."

"Ah-Xin..."

"Hm?"

"Do you love me?"

"Is there a doubt?"

"Then if I say something, will you believe it?"

"Anything you say."

"Even if it sounds like a lie?"

"Yes, even if it sounds like a lie."

"If I say I can fly in the sky."

"Then I'll make sure you're able to fly."

Xiu stared at him intently for a long while before she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, "You really are the world's best father."

"Oh? Where did that come from?" Xin Zimen could still feel the touch of her lips on his cheek. It felt strangely comforting.

Xiu put the lid of his laptop down and even snatched it from his hand before throwing it aside carelessly. "Ah-Xin, get up. We are going out."

"Okay, let me call a driver."

He didn't even bother asking where they are going. He only followed what she said. 

"No driver. You have two sons. Make use of them."

Xin Zimen looked at her in surprise before he shook his head and called his sons. Seeing how only Xiao Li came, she frowned, "Where is the other one? That little lamb?"

"We only need one person to drive," reminded Xin Zimen.

"Or maybe my sister doesn't want me to be the driver." One could hear the sourness in Xiao Li's voice.

Xiu ignored that and called her little lamb who came running at full speed. As they got outside, Xin Zimen was surprised to find Darren waiting beside the car. 

"Regi is also going with us?"

"I go where my wife goes," answered Darren.

"As if we don't know that," said Ah-Si before taking the seat behind the wheel.

Xiu pushed Xiao Li into the passenger seat. "You sit at the front. I'm gonna sit with my Baobei and my Ah-Xin."

"Today is really not my day," grumbled Xiao Li unhappily.

"I'm not falling for that, Li bro."

Xiao Li smiled and buckled his seatbelt. He saw how Xiu sat between Darren and Xin Zimen but strangely she was leaning towards Xin Zimen.

"Drive carefully, Ah-Si!" instructed Xiao Li carefully. "Or it's better if I drive myself."

"No, you can't do," answered Ah-Si. "You don't know where we are going."

"And you do?" asked Xiao Li.

"Of course, I'm Sister Xiu's little lamb. She shares everything with me."

"You're doing it intentionally, aren't you?"

Ah-Si smiled cheekily at his brother, "I am. Because it's fun!"

Xiao Li cursed under his breath but didn't do anything. It's not like he could do anything to either of them. He was a bro-con. These two were his biggest weaknesses.

During the ride, Xiu talked about all sorts of things but not once did she mention where they were going. So, when Ah-Si parked the car at their destination, both Xiao Li and Xin Zimen were taken aback.

"What are we doing here?" the question came from Xiao Li.

"We are here to see mom," replied Xiu before she hurried Darren to get off the car so she could walk out.

She said it so naturally that both Xiao Li and Xin Zimen were left in a daze. When they finally got off the car, Xiu was standing with Darren who was patting her shoulder and saying, "You can do it. Don't hesitate. I'm here with you."

"I'm also here with you," Ah-Si also jumped in to join to encourage his sister. He knew perfectly well why Xiu had decided to come here all of a sudden.

Xiu nodded her head at them and tried to keep her spirit up. It's alright. The worst that can happen was that they would call her crazy. But that's okay. She already knows she is crazy. So, it really won't matter much.

She willed herself and offered her hand to Xin Zimen, "Shall we go inside?"

Xin Zimen continued to look at her hand which seemed to be shaking for some reason. And so, he took her hand and led her inside. 

The place they had come to was the columbarium of the Wen Clan. Every single member of the Wen Clan was cremated here. As Xin Zimen led her inside and brought her to the place he was most familiar with, he couldn't look up.

Xiu, on the other hand, looked at the photo of the woman placed beside the funerary urn and asked, "Do you think she and I are alike?"

Xin Zimen looked up at her and after thinking about it, he nodded. "From the moment I met you, I kept on thinking that you have a lot of things similar to her. I can't even say which one of you is a bigger troublemaker."

Xiu smiled at that, "I'm glad."

"About what?" he asked.

"That I still have something similar to her," she replied.

Xin Zimen frowned at her words. "What are we doing here?"

"Because what I have to say, I want her to hear it as well." Xin Zimen's frown deepened. "Ah-Xin, do you believe in miracles?"

"What kind of a miracle are we talking about?" 

"Any kind."

He nodded his head, "Then I do believe in it. Wasn't it a miracle that even though I and Ai had nothing in common, we still fell in love with each other? That's the most beautiful miracle of my life."

Xiu pursed her lips when she heard that, "Do you remember I often told you that I'm actually a ghost possessing this body?"

"Is this time to joke?"

Xiu shook her head, "I'm not joking. I'm quite serious with you. Well, yes, the ghost part is a joke. But the rest isn't. I am really a soul that doesn't originally belong to this body."

Xin Zimen chuckled at her words taking it as another joke. However, the look in her eyes made him stop. She didn't look serious but her eyes looked desperate. As if begging him to believe in her words. 

  "You must have heard that Destiny Novell was really different person from Xiu."

"But that change only came because of the memory loss," he tried to argue.

"How much do you think a person can change just because of a memory loss?" 

"Are you trying to say that Destiny and Xiu are two different people?"

Xiu nodded her head, "Yes." She took a pause when she noticed his expressions, "Well, you can drag me to a mental hospital but it won't help. I'm not making things up."

Xin Zimen didn't know what to say at all. He couldn't believe her but he couldn't bring himself to not believe in her either. As he told her earlier, his heart truly was willing to believe any kind of nonsense she had to say. Because it came from her, his heart was willing to accept it all.

"Then who are you?" he asked after a pause.

"I am Xiu," she answered. "Just not the one you think."

Xin Zimen frowned at her answer and heard Darren's voice from behind, "She means she is Chen Xiu."

Hearing that Xiao Li stared at Darren and Xiu with wide eyes. Then he moved his eyes towards his younger brother who nodded his head as if reassuring him that they were telling the truth.

Xiu leaned into Darren's arm but she didn't leave Xin Zimen, "You asked me what I had against Xin Suyin, Liu Nuan, Niu Peizhi, or even Zhou Jinhai. They all have one person in common. That's me. Chen Xiu. They all became the reason for why I chose to give up my life."

When Xin Zimen heard the words, 'chose to give up my life.' his heart constricted. He was having trouble breathing, he didn't know why it hurt so much. He had nothing to do with Chen Xiu. So even if she was telling the truth, he couldn't understand why it affected him so much. Why?

Xiu bit her lip before adding, "It was easier to make Regan believe since he knew Chen Xiu. It was easier for Han Bohai to figure out my identity since he also knew Chen Xiu. But I'm not sure how to make you believe it since you never even met Chen Xiu. But..." She pulled out some photographs from her pocket and passed them to him. 

The photos were quite old but even then they couldn't hide the brightness in the eyes of that little girl. Xin Zimen's steps faltered when he saw that photo. He couldn't believe his eyes. The girl in the photo was clearly his Xiulin but she was a bit older so her facial features were changing. However, he couldn't be wrong, that was his daughter.

"This..." he pointed at the photo. "My... My daughter... Is she alive? She is older here? When I lost her she was five. The girl in the photo... She is..."

Xiu bit the inside of her cheek before replying, "She is 8 in the photo."

Xin Zimen's expression altered between happiness, sadness, and helplessness. He didn't know what he was feeling but he knew everything inside of him was screaming to hold that girl in the photo.

"Where-Where is she?" he asked again.

Xiu kept her eyes lowered while Darren told him, "Uncle, see the other photos."

Xin Zimen hurriedly checked all the photos. Each was clicked after approximately a year. The whole growth process of the little girl was recorded in these photos. Along with the very last one that was taken a month before she died.

Xiu finally looked up and looked into his eyes, "She was the one you called, Ah-Lin. She was the one world knew as Chen Xiu. And she is the one you call your little lass." She took a step over with tears-filled eyes and held his hand as she added, "Daddy, it's me."