Imperfect Desires

Have you ever gotten to a junction of life where life forced you to wonder; Wonder how different life could have been if that 'one thing' didn't happen? If you had chosen to take the left turn instead of the right one? What if you hadn't met that one person? Could anything really be different today? Or was it just our wishful thinking?

Xiu wouldn't lie, she had cried all her tears because of that one moment. The moment she had fallen in love with Zhou Jinhai. It hurt her to a point of no return and yet, she was stubborn about being a strong person. She was that stubborn and solid person, who wiped her own tears knowing no one else will and went along with the day like any normal person.

Fate seemed to be playing an elaborated joke with her. She was supposed to start over. She had just decided to give her heart another chance. But with a single phone call, she was sucked back into that past she despised. As they say, wherever you go, whatever you do, past will always follow you.

Xiu slammed her chopsticks down on the table startling all her colleagues who were engrossed in their own gossips. Xiu had stayed quiet all this while. Even though her body was with them, her mind wasn't. But no more!

The shadow of Chen Xiu's past of bitter memories... Xiu would never let it ruin Bai Xiu's present. Under the curious and strange gazes of her colleagues, Xiu placed her hand over her heart, 'Right. I'm Bai Xiu. How can I let Bai Xiu's heart beat for the same rotten, cheap, brainless, heartless ignorant? No! I can't let that happen! I won't let that happen! As Blair Waldorf once said, "We can't let the men of our past define us."1'

Xiu finally noticed the weird looks she was receiving and smiled awkwardly. "Let me pour you a drink," Gu Lili offered and Xiu nodded in return readily to get over this moment of awkwardness. 

"Ms. Bai, you've been quite famous in the company since you joined," Yao Tianyu started the conversation to involve Xiu noticing how distant she was.

"Really? Are you sure the word you're looking for is not 'notorious' instead of 'famous'?" Yao Tianyu ended up coughing at her indifferent remark. With just one answer, he managed to somewhat understand Xiu's personality and decided to stay quiet. However, some people were classic examples of ignorants.

"I heard you've been named 'Heartless Witch'. How many hearts did you break to get that title?"

"Oh, there was another name of 'Pompous Demotivator'. You seem quite experienced in raining on other's parades."

"Some people say Ms. Bai is too full of herself and never gives a face to others."

This trio of Fu Suyin, Liu Jinjing and Wang Hualing were the same girls who were punished by Dylan earlier in the week. But seeing them being so gossipy here again, Xiu could only smile which didn't even look like a smile. Some people never learn their lessons. It was her own mistake for expecting to have a quiet dinner.

Xiu gulped down her glass of Baiju and turned to face them as she spoke, "Why don't you be honest? Just be straightforward and say that I am notorious as a crazy bitch. Yes, I broke plenty of hearts but what can I do, I was given an opportunity to do so. Didn't you get a chance to break a couple of hearts?" 

Let's call the trio of gossipy girls were shocked since that's exactly what they had heard about Xiu from others. It was completely unexpected to see that Xiu wasn't even the least bit affected by their words. Instead, she was attacking them so blatantly.

"I'd rather hear you say that on my face than behind my back," Xiu wasn't done yet. Her temper meter was high tonight and she had to get it down in some way. Why not just do it by seeing those shocked and amusing faces of her nosy colleagues. Getting on others' nerves had its own perks and quirks. "Because if you say it on my face, I'll forget you. But if you say it behind my back... I hold grudges like no other since I'm full of myself. And I do love not giving faces to others."

Seeing the weird atmosphere, He Fang who had been quiet all along spoke up, "Ms. Bai is too honest with her feelings and words. Now I know why someone like Dylan Qiu has you as his E.A."

"Mr. He is talking as if you know our boss very well." Xiu retorted giving him a fleeting glance. 

He Fang gave her a sincere smile and said, "You can say something like that. But it seems like we'll be having a good time working together. A person like you is hard to come by."

"Person like me?" Xiu questioned him again.

He Fang leaned close to her side and whispered, "Someone who doesn't know how to flatter others. With your headstrong nature, I think it's a wonder that you managed to stay in the company for three years. However, it's also inspirational."

Xiu didn't mind his words. He wasn't like others at the table having an agenda of their own. He seemed too simple. So simple that one might overlook his presence. But he still managed to give others a feeling of belonging and trust. 

Gu Luli also joined their conversation and said, "Ms. Bai, you already have enough people who hates you in the company. Do you have to make some new enemies?"

Xiu smiled at her said, "It's in human nature to hate something that they can't have or to hate someone who they can't become. If I can't make them love me, isn't it better to let them hate me all they want." With a sly smile, she added, "But I find it more fun if that hates come from fear."

Both Gu Luli and He Fang shook their heads and said simultaneously, "Ms. Li was right about you. You're not a simple character."

Xiu frowned, not knowing what they meant but still shrugged her shoulders and raised her glass towards them saying, "Cheers?"

"Cheers!" The three of them clank their glasses together.

Xiu's eyes roamed all around the table looking at each person. She never liked company dinners because she always felt out of place. However, a lion should know it's territory and its people. Right now, this was just a way for Xiu to see what kind of people, she was working with.

And this one dinner was enough for her to tell, whom to be wary of and whom to befriend. Argh! Why does every profession have its own politics? She was sick of it.