Imperfect Desires

Xiu took Darren's words most seriously. Since he was the pillar she needed, she naturally knew she needed to listen to him to keep going. When it came to her inner strength, she depended on the little life that was slowly but certainly nurturing inside her body. But when it came to emotional strength, her husband was the only one who could provide.

Xiu had realized how she needed to depend on others to keep herself going but she still found it amazing. After all, as Chen Xiu, she couldn't find the strength to go on and neither was there anyone to provide it for her.

And since Xiu listened to Darren's words, she had stopped thinking about everything that bothered her. She seemed to have pulled the shields around herself higher than ever. It was her brain's self-defense mechanism. She couldn't let herself breakdown ever again. 

With this mindset, Xiu diligently focused on getting better. And in this process, a whole month passed.

Now, she was able to move her arm. Although she'd get tired easily, it was still better than before. Even her sessions with Gigi seemed to be going better than before. She was more open to talking about her feelings. Whether it was her pain or happiness, she was willing to talk about it. She knew she had to speak out her grievance to learn to let go of it. And every time she said it out loud, something would feel light inside her.

It was like her breaking off the shackles of pain. 

Even Darren's condition had gotten a whole lot better. Even his team of doctors was appalled at his rate of recovery. Now, he could not only walk on his own, but he could also go out for walks with his wife in the garden. One would often find this husband and wife drinking tea in the pavilion just like they were doing right now.

Xiu had stayed true to her words. She needed a break from everything. But the break she needed was just from her emotions. It didn't involve her plans to ruin some people! While one might think this month had been peaceful but only Xiu knew how much trouble she had caused in this month silently.

In all this development, some people were still unhappy. Although they could see Xiu and Darren recovering well, there was something that had been bothering the people around them.

"Is it just me or she really doesn't smile like she used to do?" asked Xiao Li as he looked at Xiu from inside the living room's window. 

"She doesn't talk as much either," added Ying as well. "For some reason, she is too quiet."

"I'm really unfamiliar with this type of Xiu," said Dylan. "She hadn't even been throwing shades at me lately. It feels weird."

"She isn't insulting you and instead of feeling good, you're actually missing it?" retorted Nora as she looked at Dylan weirdly.

Dylan scratched his head saying, "I can't help it. I'm too used to the snarky Xiu. The one who wanted to bury me in her back garden." He suddenly sighed with a complicated look in his eyes, "As for this Xiu, she only smiles at me politely. And honestly speaking, her polite smile gives me creeps. It feels like she is planning something evil behind that goody-two-shoes smile. It gives me creeps." He rubbed his own arms as if trying to ease his goosebumps. 

"But I'm quite familiar with this Xiu," said Nora softly. Mostly to herself as she thought back to the time when Xiu lost her memory. She would always be quiet and acted cautiously and overly polite. 

Now, she didn't look as cautious, as quiet, or overly polite, but Nora could still feel a familiar vibe. 

"And who is gonna tell me why is she insisting on leaving?" asked Xin Zimen as he looked at the younger generation gathered around in the living room of his house. 

If one had to ask who was feeling most troubled right now, it had to be Xin Zimen and his elder brother, Xin Zemin. Because since the crying episode of Xiu, the latter had become a little distant. Or maybe saying distant would be wrong. But just something about her was different. 

Her expressions were too wooden whenever these two were around. Even if she tried to smile, it always had the sad touch to it that actually both brothers. And oddly, this similar concern over the same person had brought these brothers closer than they ever had been. Now, they could sit together and talk civilly to each other.

However, no matter how they tried to entice Xiu with spicy food or desserts, she would always only offer a small smile that actually hurt them instead of making them feel good about it. She looked like a lost puppy before them. Whenever she faced others, she had a clear look in her eyes but whenever she faced these two fathers, she'd become lost. 

But they really couldn't understand what was going on in Xiu's mind. The struggle in her head was a lot more complex than anyone could think. Adding on the fact that she was good at hiding her feelings, it was not possible to tell what she was up to these days. 

"Do you think Sister Xiu will tell the truth to dad?" asked Ah-Si in a low voice to Han Bohai. Both had been standing in a far corner away from everyone else. Because only these two knew the real reason behind the changes in Xiu's condition. 

"She will," replied Han Bohai. "Once her obsession is over."

"What is she obsessed with right now?" asked Ah-Si.

"Revenge," answered Han Bohai. "Her two lives are losing meaning before her. She has to hold someone accountable for what she is going through right now."

Ah-Si suddenly had a look of realization and nodded his head. Actually, he had asked Xiu this question after she woke up but she had only said one sentence to him back then, 'Give me some time to breathe, Ah-Si. Before I suffocate myself with this struggle, let my mind process everything slowly.'

"Once her obsession is over," began Ah-Si. "What do you think is gonna happen?"

Han Bohai stared at Ah-Si, "You never know. She only looks like you can predict her. In reality, she is the random-est person around. She used to laugh one moment and cry the next. As I always say, her mental health is questionable. You can't ever predict her because normal people's train of thoughts doesn't match hers."

Ah-Si suddenly had a sou expression, "I hate you."

"What did I do?" retorted Han Bohai innocently.

"I hate the fact that you understand my sister better than me. And I also hate the fact that you're there to get all of her love when it belonged to me."

Han Bohai chuckled softly, "It's called fate. You didn't get it not because I got in the way, it's because it was never meant to be yours. It never belonged to you."

"You really know how to make me angry," huffed Ah-Si. He sighed heavily and looked towards Xiu as he asked, "But tell me honestly, do you think she is okay?"

Han Bohai nodded solemnly, "Although it might not seem like it, trust me, she is better than ever right now. She always had a knot in her heart to learn about her amazing father. That knot has been untied now. Not only she learned that her father is the most amazing person. She also found him so close to her. Although the situation is overwhelming to her, it'd be to anyone though but she definitely loves it. Knowing who her father is, means just as much to her as it did before. And trust me, she is very happy right now."

"I hope you're right about that," said Ah-Si.

On the other hand, what Han Bohai said was very true. Once Xiu blocked all the twisted reality around and only focused on the fact that Xin Zimen was her father, she really felt like the proudest daughter. It not only made her heart swell in pride, it genuinely made her happy. 

There was no reason to not be happy about it, she loved everything about Xin Zimen. In fact, she had actually come to like Xin Zemin a lot as well. Although Xin Zemin was quite clumsy as a father, she found him heartwarming. He had been trying everything to act like a father. He went as far as taking lessons from his own younger brother. Xiu could see his dedication, how could she not feel touched?

Maybe that's where the conflict in her heart came from. Whenever these two fathers came before her, she only became like a lost puppy because she could decide what to do. She had come to love both these fathers and in a way, both belonged to her. While her soul yearned to be acknowledged by Xin Zimen, this body had a mind of its own.