Imperfect Desires

No matter how messed up Han Bohai's thoughts were, he still knew there was only one person he had to find right now. It did seem difficult for him to tell this new information to Xiu which might change everything in her life but he'd never try to hide something like this from her. He couldn't do it! He was bad at hiding things from her anyway.

Just as he reached Xiu's room, he didn't her inside. Looking at him panting, Darren looked up from the book in his hands and asked, "Are you okay, Bohai?"

Han Bohai stepped inside and breathed heavily before shaking his head, "I don't think I'm alright."

"What's wrong?" inquired Darren in concern. Obviously, he was concerned for Han Bohai, this man was very dear to his wife. How could he not be concerned about his wellbeing? And currently, he was all the more concerned seeing Han Bohai's pale face.

"I don't even know how to say what's wrong," replied Han Bohai as he fell down on a chair and held his head with his hands. "Even I'm not able to make sense of everything yet. How am I gonna explain anything to her?"

Darren frowned at his condition and held up a glass of water, "Want to drink some water to relax?" 

Han Bohai looked up and took the water from his hand saying, "Thanks." Then he drank the whole glass of water before he felt himself calming a little. Nothing changed in his head but at least, his body stopped shaking.

"Do you have something to tell Xiu?" asked Darren. Han Bohai didn't look up but nodded his head. Darren pressed his lips together and added, "Is it regarding her real identity?" Han Bohai's abruptly looked up at him in shock and that was enough for Darren. "Oh..." responded Darren as he nodded to himself in understanding. "Is it difficult to say?"

"It's difficult," Han Bohai answered. "The fate played a huge joke on her. It's so ironic and yet neither can I laugh nor can I cry." He ran a hand through his hair exasperatedly, "I don't know how am I gonna tell this to her when even I'm not able to understand any of it."

"You still need to tell her," said Darren resolutely. "My Sweets is stronger than you think. And you told her, she deserves to know the truth. Whether it's painful or not, let her decide it."

"I don't want to hide it from her either," answered Han Bohai. "I won't be able to hold back myself before her."

"That's good to know," replied Darren. "Since she isn't here yet, you can take your time to calm down your emotions. Don't look so stressed before her. She'd end up worrying about you more than worrying about the secret you have."

Han Bohai let out a soft chuckle, "You really know her well."

"I have fallen in love with her twice," said Darren. "So, you can say that I don't only love her but also her soul. This love is deeper than it seems."

Han Bohai stared at Darren's face for a moment longer before he said, "I know."

"Ah-Xin, where did you get these earrings?" 

Both Han Bohai and Darren looked towards the door. Xiu had come back from her daily sessions with Xin Zimen right beside her. Currently, Xiu was fascinated by the earrings that Xin Zimen wore. She had never seen him wearing the earrings before even though she had seen that he had ears pierced. 

And once she had even questioned him about that. At that time, he told her how he got his ears pierced for his daughter. She had felt quite envious of the girl who had a father like him who would get his ears pierced just because his daughter said so.

"I hand carved them," Xin Zimen replied with a smile on his face. He was clearly recalling some good memory because one could see it through the look in his eyes.

"Really?" asked Xiu in surprise. "Can I see it?" 

Seeing her excitement, Xin Zimen had to take off the earrings he had worn after so many months and put them in her hand.

Xiu looked at the pair in her hand intently and frowned slightly as she asked, "The design is..." The last word, 'Familiar' had gotten stuck in her throat. She didn't know why she didn't say it out loud but she found the design quite familiar. 

"It's simple but my wife designed it with love," told Xin Zimen not realizing Xiu's odd silence. "When she designed the bracelet for our daughter, she had designed this for me. And that's because our daughter insisted that I should also wear something that would remind me of her."

When he said, 'bracelet' Xiu's heart shook as it clicked in her head why it looked so familiar, and at the same time, Han Bohai's body stiffened listening to their conversation. He had just managed to relax a little and now, he was staring at Xiu trying to read her expressions.

Xiu looked up at Han Bohai and the look in his eyes startled her even more. She bit the inside of her cheek to not lose control of her emotions and to stop her brain from running amok. Taking a deep breath, she took a wild shot, "By any chance, that bracelet had character 'Xiu' carved at the back?"

Han Bohai felt his breath hitch at her question while Xin Zimen looked surprised, "How do you know that?"

Xiu bit the inside of her cheek even harder before she replied, "I heard it from someone... About that bracelet."

Xin Zimen nodded his head and his smile returned as he told her, "We named her Xiulin, a beautiful orchid. A beautiful flower that represents beauty and love because we both wanted her to be full of love and beauty that won't just be reflected in her exterior but also in her heart and soul." He suddenly chuckled at the memory as he added, "I was originally gonna write Xiulin at the back of the bracelet but my Linlin was too eager and impatient. I only managed to write 'Xiu' for beautiful before she started making trouble that she just had to wear it as soon as possible. It didn't even fit on her small wrists and we had to twist it twice to make it fit on her wrist."

The more he talked, the more blurry Xiu found the world before her eyes. And yet she held her ground and didn't let her body shake even a little. 

"I heard you carry her picture in your wallet?" asked Xiu. "I've never seen her. Won't you let me see if she was just as beautiful as her name or not?"

"She was more beautiful than her name," said Xin Zimen before he pulled out his wallet.

Meanwhile, Han Bohai sighed out and murmured, "She really was more beautiful than her name."

"Here she is," Xin Zimen passed the wallet to Xiu. "This was taken a month before her fifth birthday. And it was our last family photo."

Looking at the small girl who was holding the hands of both her parents with a big smile on her face made Xiu's heart feel heavy. She felt like the little girl in that picture was mocking her for not having a beautiful family like hers. Was it alright for her to feel envious of herself though? Clearly, the face of that little girl before her couldn't be more familiar to Xiu who grew up with that face.

"Little lass, what's wrong with you?" Xin Zimen was startled when he saw a trace of blood at the corner of her mouth. She had bit her cheek so hard that it started bleeding but Xiu couldn't feel it.

Her heart was in so much pain that it overshadowed any other feeling in her body. It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! That was all that ran through her brain. As for where it hurts? She really didn't know. 

"Sister Xiu!" Han Bohai ran up to Xiu's side.

"Sweets!" Darren also tried to get up from the bed but she looked at him shook her head.

She wiped the blood off her mouth and tried to smile at Xin Zimen who looked worriedly at her. "I'm fine. I just accidentally bit my own cheek. It's no big deal."

"No, I should call the doctor," said Xin Zimen.

"Ah-Xin, I'm fine," Xiu stressed on her words. She held his hands and gave his wallet back to him before she put the earrings back into his hands as well saying, "You had a beautiful daughter. Just like her name."

Xin Zimen felt like she sounded weird but he couldn't tell what was weird. Was it what she said? No, it didn't sound wrong. Then what was this strange feeling of being stifled with the way she looked at him? And why did it make his heart ache all of a sudden?