Imperfect Desires

When Dylan was pushed inside the room, he blanked out for a while. He really blanked out. The room was pitch black and just looking at the figure on the bed, Dylan had the urge to run. And he did turn around but no matter how hard he tried, he again couldn't bring himself to touch that doorknob. 

He was already inside, did he have to run again? Honestly, he didn't want to run. 

The kind of emptiness he experienced during his first breakup was nothing compared to the one he had to go through during the last week. Indeed, a friend's absence and a lover's absence were two very different things. He had found another lover but would life really give him another friend like Darren? No way! He knew it himself. No one could take the place that Darren had in his life.

What Nora and Xiu had said was true, the insulation in the room was too good and they couldn't possibly hear much but the point was, there was nothing to hear as well. The room had been engulfed in silence since the moment Dylan stepped inside and Darren had continued to pretend to be asleep. He had been from the moment Xiu had left the room and he also knew what she was up to. And he had been waiting for her to take action all along!

Because he knew if he continued to put his hopes on his best friend, they might not even face each other for another year or so!

While Dylan was struggling, the room's lights lit up and he heard the voice he had been missing for days now. "Are you planning on running again?" Dylan's back stiffened and he didn't turn around. Darren pushed himself to sit up as he continued to stare at Dylan's back in silence before he said, "How long are you planning on running? For how long do I have to wait for you to stop running and turn around?"

Dylan closed his eyes and licked his lips slowly before he took a deep breath and turned around. It took him a while to lift his eyes to look at Darren's face. His breath hitched at the sight. Darren's head was wrapped up and that was a constant reminder to Dylan that he almost lost his best friend.

Even though after over a week, Darren's complexion looked a lot healthier, it still couldn't hide the fact that he was a patient who needed to be careful.

"How..." Dylan opened his mouth but found it difficult to string his words together. Clenching his fists, he continued, "How are you?"

"Do you care?" retorted Darren as he continued to stare at Dylan's face without a single expression on his face.

Dylan immediately became agitated, "Of course, I care! Why do you think I kept my distance from you?"

"You did it for me?" asked Darren with derision dripping from his words.

"I knew seeing me would make you recall that incident and it wouldn't be good for your health. That's why I didn't show up before you," said Dylan. "But I have always been here. You can't question me on that! I've always cared about you!"

Seeing the tears that were brimming in Dylan's eyes, Darren was getting mad now, "You only use your empty head for useless thinking!" Dylan stared at him as he continued, "If you had time to assume things why the hell didn't you bother using that time to show up before my eyes? Where you trying to act like my secret admirer by watching over me from afar. Do you think I need a bloody secret admirer like you?!"

A lone tear fell down Dylan's face, "Do you think I didn't want to?"

"That's exactly what it seemed to me!" Darren shot back angrily. "Every day, I waited for you. I waited and waited but you never bothered to come inside."

"I didn't know how to face you!" Dylan shouted. "It's not the first time you almost lost your life because of me!"

Darren's heart dropped as he heard his words. He softened his voice as he looked at Dylan in silence. "Just as I said, your empty brain can only cook up nonsense!" Dylan's bloodshot eyes were fixed on Darren's face as the latter went on, "It was never your fault. Neither was it back then nor is it now. Both of the incidents have nothing to do with you!"

Dylan repeatedly shook his head, "You can't fool me again. It's my sister who became the reason for you being in this condition. How does it not concern me? If it doesn't concern me, then whose concern is it?!" He rubbed the back of his hand on his face to wipe the tears as he added, "And even back then if I hadn't come unannounced to see you and you didn't have to drive your car to come to pick me up from the airport, how would you have gotten into the accident?"

Darren had the urge to beat Dylan to unconsciousness! Xiu was right about him! He was the real fool around here! Loved to take blames for things that weren't even his doing! And then he would continue to beat himself inwardly for those imaginary crimes!

Argh! 

Darren felt tired from just this much. Not physically but emotionally tired. 

He leaned back and took a deep breath as he patiently said, "Back then, whether I went to pick you up or not, I'd have ended in an accident and I don't need to tell you why." Dylan looked up into his eyes and pursed his lips. "My car was messed around with. You and I both know it! It doesn't have anything to do with you." He closed his eyes to calm his breathing as he added, "Just like now, this incident has nothing to do with you. The preparator is your sister, I'd never blame you for it. I can't do it!"