Imperfect Desires

"What kind of a whole truth you're looking for?" asked Zhao Huan. "And that too, from me?"

"You're the only person who met Wen Ai before she died," began Su Xixi in a calm voice but just as she mentioned Wen Ai, Xin Zimen tensed up. "Do you really want me to believe that she really didn't tell you anything about your daughter even when she was dying?"

Zhao Huan recalled that last meeting she had with Wen Ai. Her hands clenched up. "She didn't give me the details."

"But she did say something, didn't she?" Su Xixi pressed on.

Zhao Huan nodded her head as she told honestly, "The only thing I could understand from her broken sentence was... 'Find Carina Novell. Daughter. Xin Zemin. Alive.' I didn't know what to make out of those broken words that I couldn't understand myself."

"Really?" Su Xixi still didn't let her off the hook.

Zhao Huan closed her eyes and took a deep breath before saying, "A week after Wen Ai's death, I received a parcel. It had the photos of a woman my husband as they both came out of a gynecologist's office with a big smile on their faces." Both Xin Zimen and Xin Zemin were stunned by her confession. "I didn't know that woman was Carina Novell."

Xin Zemin looked at his wife and asked, "Was that enough to make you doubt me?"

Zhao Huan shook her head, "The parcel didn't only have the photos. It had the pregnancy record and the name of the father written on the documents was Xin Zemin while the name of the mother was Carina Novell." She looked at Xin Zemin and continued, "It's not that it made me doubt you. It made me scared. Scared because of all those warnings I received from Wen Ai to be careful. Someone had come up with such a detailed plan to ruin our relationship, it scared me. I thought if I looked any further, it might get our lives in danger."

Su Xixi sighed out as she stood up, "But if you had listened to Wen Ai's words and looked for Carina Novell, maybe she'd have been able to live this day as well. And let's not forget, you both could have found your daughter sooner."

"You made me say all this for what?" asked Zhao Huan.

"Of course, because I don't want any of you to blame my sister. She isn't here to defend herself but I am. And I will never stop defending her even till the day I day. Don't ever blame her for keeping you away from your daughter. If anything, you should be thankful to her. Your daughter is alive only because of her. And to protect that daughter of yours, she paid the price with her own life!"

She was about to leave the room but stopped and said, "I'm feeling generous so I'll tell you who is behind that parcel you received back then."

"You know who tried to kill our daughter?" Both Xin Zemin and Zhao Huan stood up in shock.

Su Xixi shook her head, "The one who tried to kill your daughter and the one who tried to separate you two, are two different people. In fact, the person behind your miscarriage is also different."

"What?" Zhao Huan's voice trembled as she asked, "You know who was behind my miscarriages? There was someone else involved other than my sister?"

Su Xixi tutted at her, "I didn't think you'd still blame your sister for all that when she is actually very innocent in all of this." She laughed out mockingly, "The problem was never with your sister. The problem had always been with this Xin Clan. This is why I was so against Wen Ai marrying into a clan of hyenas."

"Xixi..."

Su Xixi glared at Xin Zimen, "Don't try to shut me up! I hated your whole family back then and I still do. It's because of your Xin Clan that I lost my sister! I will never forgive any of them." She took a deep breath and looked at Zhao Huan, "The one who sent you that parcel was your mother-in-law. I'm not sure how she got her hands on those photos or documents but she was the one who sent it all to you."

Zhao Huan held her husband's hand tightly as she inquired, "And the one behind my miscarriages?"

Su Xixi looked at her carefully before saying, "Since you already believe that your sister is behind it, why bother trying to clear it after all these years? The relationship between you and Zhao Wei is already broken. Even if you know who the real culprit is now, it won't change anything."

Saying that she strode out of there. Xin Zimen was silent for a while before he said, "I knew that mother of yours was no good. But I didn't think she was even against your own happiness. What an eye-opener!" After saying this much, he followed behind Su Xixi. 

He found her standing on the first floor's balcony with a slim cigarette perched between her lips. She took out the lighter from her pocket. Just as she was about to light up the cigarette, Xin Zimen came to stand beside her.

"When did you start smoking?" asked Xin Zimen.

She rubbed her thumb on the lighter in her hand as she replied, "Since the time, this lighter's owner left this world."

Xin Zimen looked at the lighter carefully and his lips parted but nothing came out. The lighter originally belonged to his wife who had gotten it from her father. The silver lighter had accompanied Wen Ai all her life. Whenever she missed her father, she'd take it out. Now, it seemed like Su Xixi did the same. 

"I used to ask her how can a lighter make her feel close to her father," began Su Xixi in a reminiscent tone. "She used to say when you have nothing to hold on to even a straw seems like a gold thread." She looked heavenwards as she went on, "I never thought I'd understand what she meant only after losing her."

Xin Zimen leaned against the metal railing and said, "I also learned after losing her that I loved her more than I was capable of doing so. And I learned how much more I still had to learn about her. But she left too soon."

Su Xixi tilted her head as she said, "You and I can only have a peaceful conversation when it involves Wen Ai."

"Our love for her is the only thing common between us," said Xin Zimen. "And we both miss her very much."

"It's rare for you to say out your feelings like this," said Su Xixi in surprise. 

"What? You don't like to hear it?" he questioned.

Su Xixi shook her head, "No, it's refreshing actually." She took a pause as she opened and closed the lighter a couple of times and said, "But I still wish you had been this vocal about your feelings when she was around."

"She can still hear me," retorted Xin Zimen. "I know she can." They stood there silently, each with their own thoughts for a while before he said, "You didn't come here just for Ying, did you?"

Su Xixi's eyes flashed with an indescribable emotion before she said, "She is indeed a reason for me to be here. But I do have more reasons to be here."

"Dad! I got the results!"

Both of them turned around to look at Xiao Li who was rushing over. His face showed his urgency but as soon as he saw Su Xixi, his expressions changed completely.

"Auntie!" He ran over to hug her. "I missed you so much!"

Su Xixi patted Xiao Li's back with a soft expression on her cold face which really looked foreign on her face. "Even my daughter didn't bother telling me that she missed me."

"Your daughter is no good," said Xiao Li without hesitation. "You shouldn't take her words to heart."

"Xiao Li!" Xin Zimen glared at his son. "Talk nicely about your best friend."

"Dad, as if she talks nicely about me now," retorted Xiao Li. "Anyways, why are we even talking about her? My favorite aunt in the whole world is here, is this time to bring up the name of that useless best friend?"

Xin Zimen rolled his eyes at his son. "Forget about that and tell me why did you run here? What results did you get?"

Xiao Li looked at Su Xixi who said, "What? Is there something you have to hide even from me?"

Xiao Li smiled at her and shook his head, "How can I hide anything from you? You're like my own mother to me. I can never even think of hiding anything from you."

"I think she already knows that," Xin Zimen chimed. "Now, ignore her and tell me what did you find out?"

Xiao Li passed the test results to his father saying, "This is Liu Nuan's paternity test results."