Imperfect Desires

*Flashback Continued*

The ringtone didn't belong to Chen Xiu's phone. It was the landline that was ringing incessantly. She who had been watching the grey blanket of wool enshrouding the sky slowly stepped back and pressed the button to attend the call. 

However, she didn't speak but the person on the other end also didn't speak. There was a long silence and it stretched out for far too long. If it was a normal person he'd hang up by now but neither of the sides intended on doing it. Oddly, one could feel a strange atmosphere.

Chen Xiu sat down at the edge of her soft bed as she finally heaved a sigh and said, "Do you really think you can reverse the damage you have done?"

"Xiu~" A very soft cry was heard from the other side.

Chen Xiu shook her head as she spoke desolately, "Please, don't say my name. I've always loved my name. You're just making me hate it now."

"I didn't know you're my daughter," the woman said.

Xiu laughed at that but without any emotions, "And that is supposed to make it alright? If you know I'm your daughter then none of this would have happened? But let me ask you one thing, if it's your daughter's wish then it's acceptable no matter how unreasonable it is but if it's a common person's wish to simply breathe in peace, they are not even entitled to do so just because they could become a hindrance to your daughter? What kind of thinking is that?"

Xin Suyin was silent for a moment before she said, "I'll make it alright. I'll fix everything for you. You love Zhou Jinhai, I'll get him for you. I'll give you anything you want. Let's just have a talk, eh?"

"Talk?" repeated Xiu. "Isn't it too late for this? You said you can fix everything, maybe you really are powerful enough to do so. But can you bring back my soul?" She stayed silent for a moment before continuing, "You said you can give me Zhou Jinhai but let me ask this when have I ever asked for him?"

"Don't you love him?"

Xiu rolled her eyes to herself, "Love? That's not enough. I'd never beg a man to come back to me who left me for another. I might be your blood but I am not you! I'll never think about snatching someone."

"I never snatched anyone. Liu Mingfan was meant to be mine!"

Xiu could hear no remorse in her tone and it really made her laugh at herself who always looked for the good in others. What a joke! She really was too naive for this tricky world.

"I can still feel a cold chill running through my bones," started Xiu and instantly shut Xin Suyin up. "It's like the cold has crawled up to my heart and now, it's eroding every single part of me."

"I... I..." Xin Suyin couldn't bring herself to say anything. Xiu's words were a clear reminder of how she locked her up in cold temperature for days. "I'm sorry."

"Do you think I need your apology? I really don't need it," told Xiu calmly. "I still have the same question though. Does a normal person have no right to breathe in peace? All you influential people really see us as ants crawling under your feet, eh? Why do our lives seem so cheap to you all?"

Xiu looked at her hands and in a daze continued, "You know someone once called me a porcelain doll. He said I look too beautiful to be real. So beautiful that he's scared I might break if he even touched me carelessly." Xiu exhaled a breath, "I refuted his words strongly by saying that I might look like a porcelain doll but I ain't that weak. I'm stronger. I strongly believed that I'd survive this bitter life of mine. I never thought the person to break me, in the end, would be the person who was supposed to protect me from the world."

"This is all of Chen Hana's fault. Listen to me, I won't let her live in peace. I'll destroy her!" 

Xiu wasn't affected by her temperament rather she found it funny as she said, "It's funny how you can see what she did to you but you can't seem to see what you actually did to her."

"Did she tell you?" Xiu could hear the fear in her voice when she inquired. "Don't believe anything she says."

"She didn't say anything to me. Even if she did, I'm not willing to listen. Besides, I don't think I can believe in either of you." Xiu's reply was firm and resolute. "If she did something in retaliation it only means you definitely did something to her. As you said, I just got caught in the crossfire."

Xiu looked out the window at the darkened sky and mumbled, "Mrs. Liu, do you believe in karma?"

"What?"

"At this point, you should really believe in karma. It's a very strange reality of life. Every sky that darkens will light up, either to bright up the dark night or to strike the thunder down."

"What are you trying to say?"

"Oh, nothing. I just have a habit of talking nonsense." Xiu tapped her fingers at the side table as she continued, "You have painted your sky with blood rather than darkness. I'll help you paint it with darkness now. And trust me, you'll never find any brightness in the darkness I'll leave for you. That's a promise."

"What are you intending on doing?" she questioned feeling a premonition in her heart.

"Before I tell you that, can I ask you something?" Taking her silence as a yes, Xiu asked, "Did you know that Niu Peizhi had my meds mixed up?"

"That..."

Xiu chuckled, "I got my answer. Thank you for letting me know."

Before Xin Suyin could make sense of her words, Xiu had hung up the call and stood up. She slowly walked up to the balcony again. By this time, the raindrops had started falling.

'I wonder if you'll miss me if I'm gone. I wonder if you'll believe in me once I'm no more.' Wondering this to herself, her bare feet touched the surface of the wicker chair as she stood on it looking down.

She looked on in fascination before she heard another whisper in her ear, "If you can't get the warmth in this life, you shouldn't leave the warmth in their life either. So what if they don't believe you? You should teach them a lesson!"

Just with that thought, the bright girl had stopped struggling with that inner demon and smiled saying, "That's right. The coldness I'm feeling, others should learn to get used to it as well."

She had always been scared of pain. But the coldness she felt last week really made her feel like she had turned numb. She believed it wouldn't hurt as much as it hurt to struggle. The constant struggle of breathing every second. This struggle was far worse. So why not just give up all for once? This was the final struggle. One-step and eternal sleep.

It seemed a lot easier and bearable than life right now.

Closing her eyes gently, she smiled in satisfaction. She slumped her body ahead and...

*End of Flashback*