Imperfect Desires

Have you ever been in a situation where your mind and heart stopped working and only your mouth worked on its own having a mind of its own? For instance, you finally said something that you had been holding in for way too long but almost instantly ended up regretting it? 

If your answer is no, you're lying to yourself.

Because we all at least once regretted saying something to someone. 

In Ying's case, she felt invigorated, liberated, and unchained after she said her piece to Xin Xiaoli. But as soon as she walked out the door, she wanted to bang her head against the wall for having an outburst out of nowhere!

 Yes, she blamed it all on Xiu and Xin Zimen for filling her mind with stuff like she needed to free herself from the shackles of other's happiness and look for her own instead. If those two had not enticed her so much, she would have never spoken like that to Xin Xiaoli. 

Argh! What the hell is wrong with you?! 

Ying was pulling her hair in exasperation. It was very rare for her to let her emotions drive her like this. She was way too sensible to actually pull a stunt like that. When did she get so petty?!

"No, I wasn't being petty! I was fighting for my self-respect!" She reminded herself in a loud and clear voice while her hand rubbed over her chest as if to soothe her heart. "Who is he to tell me I can't come here? This is also my home! He doesn't wanna be friends, that's his problem." She shouted with arrogance and such swag while looking at the door before giving it an air kick and turning to leave. 

However, in her own world, she missed a step of the stairs and almost fell. Her reflexes kicked in and she was saved from the embarrassment as she did a flip over and landed on her feet. Standing straight up, she looked around and checked whether anyone saw that or not.

Rubbing her nape, she mumbled, "No one saw me fall. No one at all."

"Ying!" 

She was startled when she heard her name being called out again and turned around to see Xin Xiaoli walking out towards her. 

"Why are you following me? Don't be so anxious, I'll definitely bring a thick red-packet on your wedding." 

"Do you really think I'm running after you for that? Why would I need your so-called thick red-packet?"

Ying crossed her arms and scoffed, "Of course. You don't even need this best friend. Why would you want her red-packet now? Fine. Great! I won't bring any!" Xin Xiaoli's face twitched while she didn't finish here. "You know what? Don't send me an invitation as well. I won't have to come either."

She was about to leave when he held her wrist and pulled her back.

"What? Left your brain at the food stall? Or perhaps you dropped it in a gutter?"

"Hey!" 

"Shut up!" Ying was instantly quietened. Only because she could see his eyes narrowing. He was usually a very calm person like his father but she was aware of his temper very well. "Invitations are sent to strangers, not to family members." Ying's eyes widened significantly. "When did I exactly say that we are not best friends anymore? Stop trying to put words into my mouth."

"I think you're saying that to the wrong person. Because the one who puts words into your mouth ain't me."

Xin Xiaoli smacked on the back of her head making her gape at him with wide eyes as she pounced on him like a cat with her claws out to get him. 

So the scene went something like this... They both fell on the ground. They both groaned in pain but still didn't stop trying to outdo each other. While she was tickling him because that was his weakness, he was pulling her ear because that was her sensitive spot.

"Let go!" said Xiaoli.

"You let go first," retorted Ying in the same manner as she punched his stomach.

He returned the favor with pinching her shoulder.

"Hey! Don't do that! No pinching! It's against the rule!" screamed Ying at him.

"Tickling is also against the rule," he reminded her kindly. 

"Okay. At the count of three, let's stop." 

"Fine."

Ying nodded and counted, "One. Two..." She didn't count the three because both of them had already let go. Sitting on the ground, she tilted her head to look at him and he did the same. Was it weird that she felt like laughing? Even if it was, she laughed and so did he.

He abruptly stopped and rubbed her hair, "Stop making me choose between you and her. I can't give up on either of you." Ying stayed quiet in reply as she lowered her eyes. "Meihui never liked you. No matter what she always had her own reason to hate you."

"I'm not afraid of her," replied Ying. "I don't even care what she thinks of me. But it hurts to know that you chose to listen to her and asked me to stay away from you."

"Because I don't want you to get hurt. It's not for her. It's for you!" Ying stared into his eyes. "You know I can't stop loving her. Okay, maybe you're right. She is my stubbornness. But I can't let go of it now. And seeing her with me, you'll only get hurt. I can't do that to you."

"But did you even think that losing my best friend is far worse than losing my love?" He saw the helplessness in her eyes. "We grew up together. It hurts more to know that you'd rather push me away than explain to me why? Didn't we promise not to ever lie to each other?"

"You broke the promise first when you kept hiding your love for me."

"Yes, I was being selfish. I didn't want to lose you. So, I stayed quiet. So what? Is it a crime to love? Or is it a crime to hide my love? I don't deserve the punishment that I'm going through." She held onto his hand as she said, "I can accept the fact that Meihui got the person I loved. But why am I losing my best friend to her as well? Why?"

"What the hell are you talking about? Our friendship is far longer than anything else. We literally had been the best buddies. The duo that wreaked havoc and made everyone envious. I know I can get selfish when it comes to love but that doesn't mean I'm willing to lose you. You're like family. I can never even think of leaving you."

They silently sat there looking at the sky. It had been two years since she had actually had created such a scene with him. Indeed, before anything, he was her best friend. One, that her heart wasn't willing to lose. He meant way more than just her first love.

"I'm sorry!" he broke the silence. "I'm really sorry for hurting you."

She knew if she let her ego win, there would be no friendship left between them. If she also chose ego, there would be no difference between her and Meihui. Not only that, but the person asking for an apology was also none other than Xin Xiaoli. She was even willing to give up her life for him... Wait! No! She shook her head. Of course, he won't ask for life. Because that was too precious to her.

Ying pushed his arm playfully, "Whatever!" She took a deep breath seeing him smile as she added, "So I really don't have to get that red-packet, right?" Xiaoli glared at her and she backed off. "Okay. I'll bring it. I promise."

Ying looked down at the pendant around her neck and her smile widened. She also learned her own meaning of those interlocked rings, "Love and Friendship have a distinct line. It's often very thin. However, it's not fair to choose one and give up on the other." So what if she had no chance with love, she wasn't gonna lose her friendship for it either.