Imperfect Desires

-The Next Morning-

In Xiu's bedroom, she was lying down on bed wide awake at 9 in the morning. No, she wasn't gonna sleep till noon since she had slept too much yesterday. Also, she had to send Jackie back home at 8 in the morning so later on, she lost the urge to sleep anymore.

Instead, she picked up Destiny's mystery box and took out the fifth letter.

'Today, I won't talk about myself. This letter is about you... Not the Goddess Xiu that everyone knows of. Instead, today I want to talk about the innocent girl named Chen Xiu. A girl who is lost between her characters and herself. A girl who is slowly forgetting herself.

This is my fifth letter and it's all the more special because I can't believe I'm writing it with you right before my eyes. I feels surreal that I can touch you right now. Like the real you in flesh is right here by my side.'

Xiu sat up on the bed when she read the last sentence and her hand holding the envelope and the letter tightened but it only made her realize that something else was inside the envelope. Xiu dug through it and found a picture that shook her core.

In the picture, she was there. She as in, Chen Xiu. And Destiny was there as well.

Xiu kept staring at the photo for a long while. The Destiny in that picture was just as she remembered. Same vibrant blue hair, emo look, nose, and lips rings along with tattoos that she knew only now were actually fake. Back then, seeing her black studs and choker, Xiu had taken Destiny as just a rebellious teenager. All in all, she was unrecognizable. 

But Chen Xiu in that picture was also unrecognizable as she laid on the hospital bed looking like a dead person. While Destiny's face was pale because of a lack of exposure to the sunshine, her own was pale because of sickness. The picture was taken in the hospital room when she was lying unconscious. 

Xiu rubbed her bottom lip as she stared at the picture for a moment longer and turned back to the letter in her hand.

'It's funny how fate brought us to each other again. Once you saved my life by offering me your blood, today I helped you by beating those thugs. By the way, you looked doubtful so let me clear it up, I really am a professional kickboxer.

But just as I wrote earlier, today we won't talk about me. I want to talk to you. I honestly want to tell you to start learning to live. 

You're right, sober Xiu is really dull but drunk Xiu really has the spunk. However, it won't change the fact that drunk Xiu is careless and sober Xiu is way too careful with life. It's like you have two different personalities. The doctor thinks that you're losing your memory because of the alcohol and it can become dangerous with time if you didn't quit. 

So, I think you need to give up on drunk Xiu.

I know you won't do it though. The time I spent talking to you made me learn a lot about you.

If you gave up on the wild side that drunk Xiu brings out, you'll be giving up on yourself. The sensible sober Xiu is a beautiful person. But the reckless drunk Xiu is real and a little naive. 

You have a beautiful soul. How come you have no faith in yourself?

I don't know how to feel right now. I admired you for so long and just now, I got to know that you don't even love yourself. You're still the same kind person who wants to make the world happy. But now I know that you are not happy and you don't try to put any effort into making yourself happy either.

Sister Xiu, isn't it funny that I thought all you want is happiness and that's exactly what you're running from?

Seeing your wild side tonight made me finally realize that all you actually wish for is freedom. You want to be free from that screen. You don't want to be the Goddess Xiu, you want to be a human. A person whom people would at least allow to breathe instead of trying to control every single thing you do.

It must be tiring but I can assure you, better days are ahead. You just need to have faith in yourself. Don't ever give up on yourself.'

Xiu folded the letter and put it back just the way it was. "Don't give up on yourself?" Xiu sniggered. "I wasn't strong like you. I just had to give up."

"Xiu!" 

Xiu slid the letter under the pillow and stared at Nora who suddenly barged into her room. "What's up?"

"Which one looks good?" asked Nora as she showed her two dresses. One was in red color and the other was black. 

"Where is he taking you?"

"I don't know," answered Nora.

"If you don't know why are you dressing up for a dinner date? Wear something casual, don't be so obvious now."

"Are you saying that I'm being way too obvious?" Nora's face fell as she stared at the dresses in her hands.

Xiu nodded her head, "You look like a predator who is gonna pounce on the prey at any chance given."

"Xiu!"

Xiu laughed at her, "Sorry. I won't joke now. But you really need to change." Xiu got up to help her as she said, "Isn't it ironic how you used to say that you'll never need my help when it comes to dating and dressing up since you're an expert? Now, look at how you're running after me."

"You're actually enjoying this, aren't you?" 

"Very much," replied Xiu without holding back her smile. "When is he picking you up?"

"In an hour or so."

"Wow! You're still choosing the dress? What did you do last night?"

"I was lost in..."

"Daydreaming?"

Nora pouted at Xiu while the latter just shook her head helplessly. Oh, it was fun to see Nora at the other end of teasing. When she started dating Darren, Nora had done her fair share of teasing. Now, the tables were turned.