Imperfect Desires

Ying didn't know why but she could only smile at Xiu's words. To be honest, she thought Xiu would call her pathetic but instead, she was arguing that everything she did was justified and reasonable. 

"Someone in my life once taught me, the essence of love is torture," she finally spoke after taking a long pause to stare at Xiu's face. 

Xiu furrowed her brows at her, "I've finally understood you."

"What do you mean?" questioned Ying in confusion.

Xiu took a deep breath before speaking, "You're just like a blank canvas."

"A blank canvas?" Ying was even more perplexed.

Xiu nodded her head, "Yes, a blank canvas which has no color of its own. You let every person in your life paint you in the color they like and you become a beautiful painting. But at the end of the day, those colors don't belong to you. You're just hiding behind the colors people chose for you because you don't even know what color can define you."

Ying's heart shook at the way Xiu described her. She felt like an open book before Xiu. Because Xiu had perfectly described her. She indeed was like a blank canvas. She had done everything in her life what others asked of her. And the only time she wanted to be herself was when she desired for love in her life. But in the end, even that wasn't her own. 

"Isn't it really tiring?" asked Xiu. "At this point, I feel like you're just being unfair to yourself."

Ying stood up and said, "The doctor said you shouldn't talk so much. Now, I really think you should go to sleep."

Xiu scoffed at her, "And now you're even running from me." Xiu crossed her arms over her chest. "I let you off even when you act suspiciously but yet, you don't trust me enough to share your feelings or worries with me."

"I act suspiciously?" 

"Don't you?" challenged Xiu. "No woman in the world is dumb. We just pretend to be dumb sometimes. It's a matter of choice." 

"Huh?"

"You really think you moving into the unit right beside mine is not suspicious? You popping out almost everywhere out of nowhere is not suspicious? You come to my house with food and my toothbrush disappearing right after you left wasn't suspicious? You suddenly befriending Calista Novell and appearing at my office to see me is not suspicious?" Ying stared at her wide-eyed.

"You..."

"The moment she told me her name is Calista Novell, I was already suspicious. Then her trying to befriend me out of nowhere was also suspicious. But when you told me her paternal family is also from Italy, I was certain that she had a connection with Destiny Novell who happens to be me."

"You're smart," said Ying. She was really impressed with Xiu right now. "We didn't want to lie to you. It's because of your amnesia that we decided to take it slow. Cali doesn't want to burden you." Ying tried to clear this up so Xiu doesn't think they were trying to deceive her because that wasn't their intention at all. "Cali would be so happy to know that she doesn't have to pretend anymore before you."

"You can't tell her this." Ying raised her brows at Xiu who continued, "I still have a lot to cope with. I really don't want to add a relative in my list whom I don't even have any impression of. I'm also tired. No, I'm drained now. You have no idea how twisted my life is becoming because of this amnesia."

"Calm down, I won't say anything," Ying rubbed her back to soothe her since Xiu's face was contorted in pain. It wasn't physical, Xiu was emotionally hurting to the point that it was becoming suffocating for her. "Relax! I'm right here."

Xiu calmed down after a while and looked up at Ying as she questioned, "You know who I am, right? I mean you know all about Destiny Novell, right?" Ying nodded her head. She couldn't bring herself to hide anything from her. "Then do you know about Destiny's parents?" Ying found it weird that Xiu was referring to herself as a third-person but didn't comment because Xiu added, "Do you know about Destiny's father?"

"I... Umm..."

"Don't try to lie to me. You're really bad at it," said Xiu in a warning tone.

Ying sighed out, "I don't know him. I have a hunch but I'm not really sure about it yet. But I do know someone who knows about your father."

"Who is he? Can you tell me?"

Ying couldn't help it. The way Xiu stared at her was really too much for her. However, the luck was on her side tonight because suddenly the door of the hospital room was pushed open and a team of over a dozen people in grey suits rushed in cramping up space.

"What the..." Ying couldn't even curse at the people who intruded as she stared at them. 

A woman stepped up and extended the phone towards Ying saying, "Young Miss, your Madam would like to have a word with you."

Ying rolled her eyes and took the phone, "Old lady, can't you wait?"

"We were talking over the phone and the next second, I got no reply. Do you have any idea how scared I was?" 

Ying listened to the harsh voice which sounded way too worried for her safety. "I don't even know what to do with you, old lady! I'm not a kid for whom you sent your people to look for. I can take care of myself very well."

"But you're the only granddaughter I have, can't I worry about you?!"

"Yes, you can. But do it like normal people. You don't have to announce it to the whole world that I'm Yan family's one and only young miss and my dearest grandmother loves me the most."

"Of course, I love you the most. I only have you."

Ying was silent when she heard that and looked at Xiu who was staring at her weirdly. "I'll talk to you later, grandmother." She gave the phone back to the woman who listened to the instructions before hanging up. "What did she say?"

The woman in gray suit took out a phone and offered to Ying saying, "When we were searching for you we found your phone. Madam has instructed that you don't lose it again. Also, madam will pay you a visit in two weeks."

"What?! Grandma is coming here?" Xiu found something weird in Ying's tone but she couldn't tell what it was. "Why?"

"Of course, to meet young miss. She misses you a lot. Please, take care of yourself and feel free to contact me if you need anything."

Ying waved her off in annoyance and waited till the whole parade of people left the room before breathing heavily and dropping on the chair, looking listless.

"Ying Jie, that was?"

"That's my grandma's love for me. I lost my phone, she got worried, she asked her people to track me down and one thing leading to another all of them just came here."

"Your grandma did it all just because she wanted to hear your voice? She must really love you."

Ying stared at Xiu with a complicated look. "That's the biggest problem, she loves me way too much." She lowered her voice as she chewed on her nails while adding, "And I hope, she won't create any more trouble for me."