Imperfect Desires

Anguish!

It was certainly a sense of anguish because it felt worse than just pain. And this anguish was slowly starting to rule inside Xiu's heart. Her head was pounding just a moment ago but now, she felt extremely light-headed.

She felt stuck in a helix which was slowly turning as it unraveled the feelings and memories that didn't belong to her. Her mind was slipping through the gap of emotions and she felt like drifting and drifting and drifting away. Or was she really drowning?

She wanted to breathe and yet she couldn't catch her breath. The darkness was threatening to swallow her whole. And just when she thought she'd lose herself to this overwhelming feeling, someone held her shoulder and shook her violently.

"Oi! Look at me! Why are you scaring me?"

Dylan's voice was loud. At first, he had only seen her tears falling down but when he came close, he observed the abnormality. She was sweating profusely, her eyes weren't focused at all and she didn't respond to his voice. He had called her name several times but she didn't react as if she was in her own world and she couldn't even hear him. 

Meanwhile, Xiu felt like someone had poured a bucket of cold water all over her as her trance was broken. She was breathing heavily when a glass of water appeared before her eyes, she lifted her eyes to look at Dylan who seemed really worried.

"Drink it. Don't scare me with that look." Although he was grumbling, Xiu could still hear his concern in his voice. Xiu took the glass from his hand and tried to give him a small smile. "Are you okay? What happened?" Seeing how she calmed down after drinking some water, he questioned.

Xiu leaned her head against the headrest and closed her eyes saying, "Nothing. I overestimated myself." Indeed, she thought she could read those letters anywhere without losing herself but she really overestimated herself. Just a moment ago, she had felt trapped in that sense of anguish when the snippets of Destiny's memories flashed past her mind.

"Do you need a hug?" asked Dylan and when Xiu opened her eyes and frowned at him. He smiled awkwardly saying, "Ma says a magical hug is enough to fix everything."

"I do need a hug," nodded Xiu in agreement surprising even Dylan. "But not from you. I'd prefer my Baobei's hug."

Oh, there she goes again. Dylan should have expected something like that from her. Why was he even surprised? No, he was feeling more bitter now.

"But seriously, what happened?" he again focused on the main point here which was her odd behavior. He couldn't tell why or how but the look in her eyes was solemn even more so than ever. She took a handkerchief and languidly wiped her sweat off of her face. "Were you having a panic attack?"

"Maybe," she sounded uncertain. "Maybe not."

"Can you please answer me straightforwardly? I'm worried right now."

"Why are you worried?" she glanced straight at him. "I was just lost in daydreaming. Nothing too serious."

"What's with the perspiration? And those tears? Are these also the result of daydreaming?"

Xiu nodded her head seriously. "You have way too many questions."

"And you have not answered even one."

Dylan noticed her chewing on her nails and furrowed his brows. She didn't have this habit before. But since she was not answering him about anything and seemed like she was again in deep thoughts, he decided to change the topic, "I told you to send the pictures to me. Why did you send those pictures to my mom?"

"My hand must have slipped," replied Xiu distractedly.

"Are you for real?!" exclaimed Dylan. He knew she did it to mess with him and she wasn't the kind of person to shy away from accepting it either. But even before he could say anything else, his phone rang. He pulled it out from his jacket and his eyes sparkled seeing the caller id. "Hi, Cali! I can't believe you're calling me."

"Can you pass the phone to Xiu? Or give me her number," came Cali's reply shattering Dylan's excitement.

His lips twitched as he glanced in Xiu's direction and said, "You aren't looking for me?" Sighing heavily, he passed the phone to Xiu saying, "It's for you." 

Xiu looked confused but she took the phone from him, "Hello!"

"Oh, hi! It's Cali."

Xiu glanced at Dylan who was trying to lean over as if wanting to eavesdrop. She rolled her eyes at him and replied to Cali, "You're looking for me?"

"Yes. I was wondering if we can go out on dinner some time," suggested Cali hesitantly. "I mean you're Regan's girlfriend and as one of his closest friends, I'd like to know you."

Xiu didn't think there was anything wrong with what she said, so she agreed immediately, "Sure. How about tonight?"

"Really?" Cali sounded way too excited but had to tone down her excitement because she didn't want to come off as any more creepy than she already was being.

"Yeah. Let me send you my contact details. We'll decide everything then."

"Sounds good to me." 

They both shared a few more details before Xiu hung up the call and gave Dylan's phone back to him. He looked pissed off. Or was he jealous? 

"Are you going out with Cali?"

Xiu nodded her head.

"I hate you!" he grumbled.

"She's the one who asked me out. It's not my fault."

"I still hate you!"

"Suit yourself then." Xiu didn't want to pay any heed to him or his tantrums. She had way more important things to think about and sort out in her head.

Even when Dylan left, she was lost in her own world. She couldn't understand why this letter hit her way differently than the first one? Even though the first letter had come as a closure. She finally learned what connection she shared with Destiny. But why this seemingly simple letter affected her to this point?

For that day, Xiu had been distracted for the whole day. She couldn't focus on anything. She even made several mistakes but Dylan overlooked it. And since he was overlooking it, she felt guilty.

By the end of the day, she had come to a conclusion. It was a decision she had taken a while ago but was postponed for a long time now. It was time to take action. She couldn't delay it any longer. As much as she was reluctant to do it, it was not the time to feel sentimental.

In the evening, Dylan was focused on going through a file when she placed something on his desk. Dylan lifted his eyes to look at her and then at what she placed at his desk, his eyes widened in shock.