Imperfect Desires

"Are you hiding something from me?"

Xiu had been noticing Darren's expressions from the moment she woke up. He had constantly been avoiding her gaze for some reason. Even now at the breakfast table, he was focused on his phone screen while distractedly taking small sips of the fruit shake she made for him.

Darren almost spurted the shake at her question. He lifted his eyes slowly to look at her. She was cupping her face in her hands while staring at him with her eyes squinting suspiciously.

"What do you mean?"

Xiu shrugged her shoulders as she poked the fork in the diced apple and brought it to her mouth saying, "I'm just asking. Since you hid about your diabetes from me, I had to take a crash source overnight to learn all about what you can or can't eat. So, if there is anything else that I should know, timely let me know."

Darren's brows knitted up as he looked at the healthy breakfast at the table. She loved Chinese breakfast but today, she had made prepared everything according to his dietary needs. Darren was really touched by this gesture.

"I can understand that this simple breakfast is for me, but why are you only eating fruits?"

"Because I don't want to make you feel bad." He lifted his brows at her as she continued, "On my way back, I'll go grocery shopping today and get all the ingredients that are healthy. I already have the list." She showed him the note she made last night and Darren couldn't help smiling at her.

"Also, I read that you have to eat every 4 to 6 hours. So, I prepared a lunch box as well. Now, don't make me come all the way to your office to feed you."

"Sweets, my diabetes is not that bad. You don't have to -"

"But I want to," she cut him off as she went on, "You need to be healthy and fit. How else will you manage to take care of a mess like me? I know it takes a lot of effort to look over my crazy ass. So. you have to stay healthy."

Darren chuckled at her response, "So, you're taking care of me just so that I can take care of you in return? It's like give and take?"

"Nope, it's called balance," retorted Xiu firmly. "Every relationship is not all about; give, and take. Some are all about balance."

"I never thought about that..." he wondered out loud to himself. Indeed, he had never taken this perspective of life or relationships into consideration before.

"I know and that's why I'm telling you now," began Xiu. "If you like something tell me. If you dislike something tell me again. You can't keep giving in to me just because I want it. I'll do the same as well. That's called balance and that's how we can make this relationship strong. Besides, communication is the key to success."

"You have a lot to say on this fine morning," said Darren seeing her munching on the fresh apples.

"That's because I feel like you're still hiding things from me," said Xiu honestly. "You need to stop worrying about what I'd feel. Just speak your mind. Yes, I might feel bad but so what? I'm a big girl. I can deal with this stuff. But I won't be able to do anything if you continued to stay silent."

Darren was lost for words. What she said made sense but was it really as easy as she made it seem? "I want to share everything with you. But somethings are a little too complicated to say."

Xiu tilted her head slightly, "Huh? Telling me your dislike for dogs is complicated? How?"

Darren was startled. Wait! She was referring to that? He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It's a known fact that when you're guilty of something, your guilty conscious kicks in. Right now, Darren was feeling guilty of not telling her about his paternal family and when she said, he was hiding something, he definitely assumed she was referring to that. 

"Did mama told you that as well?" 

Xiu shook her head, "Nope. I suddenly was reminded last night how you insisted that you don't want a dog while I was drunk and acting like a spoiled brat." Cringing at the memory of how she acted around him when she was drunk, she went on, "Any particular reason for this dislike with dogs? Allergy? Or trauma?"

"Trauma," he voiced out simply.

Xiu's brows raised up, "Trauma? Really?" Seeing how he nodded, she added, "What happened? Now, that I recall Dylan also doesn't like dogs."

"Yes, we both hate dogs," said Darren and couldn't look away from her inquiring gaze as he went on, "Long story short, a couple of dogs attacked us when we were young and since then we just keep our distance from dogs."

"You got bitten?" she widened her eyes.

"Something like that," was his answer. 

"Interesting," said Xiu out loud.

"Really?"

Xiu grinned at him. "I didn't mean it like that. Forget it. You don't have to worry, I don't want a dog."

"If you want I -"

"It's not because of you," Xiu chimed in. "Pets take a lot of attention and I can't even look after my own self. That night I was momentarily lost because of that cute dog I saw and also because of how drunk I was. I really don't want it now."

Darren tried to stare her down to see whether she was telling the truth or not. And it turned out, she was very serious since she didn't back off at all. Her eyes only lowered when her phone rang.

"Hey, little brother! How come you're missing me so early in the morning?"

Xiu's brows drew closer and closer as she listened to the other person on the call. Her expressions changed from 'smiley' Xiu to 'deep in a thought' Xiu. Darren was curious to know what happened that managed to change her mood so quickly. Not that it was a surprise. But still, he wanted to know what was bothering her now.

"Umm... I'll be there in a while," said Xiu and hung up the call.

"Everything alright?" questioned Darren.

"I'm not sure," replied Xiu staring at her phone screen. "I guess the only way to find out is to actually check myself."