Imperfect Desires

Nora rubbed her hands together, feeling nervous. Their silence was getting to her in a bad way now. Why were they so silent? They needed to say something!

"Mom... Dad..." she called out softly.

Clara raised her hand to stop her from continuing as she mumbled, "You're telling me I have a granddaughter?" Nora nodded her head. "And she's three years old already?" Nore bit her lips as she nodded again. 

"Mom, I'm really sorry that I hid this from you but I didn't want to let you down."

Clara rubbed her forehead as she said, "You hid such a huge thing from me and you think I won't be disappointed?"

Nora shook her head and tried to hold her hand which she pulled away. "I didn't really want to hide it all. I really didn't know. I wasn't thinking straight at that time."

"Is that why you decided to confide in my mother? You chose to trust my mother when I couldn't trust her all my life?" Nora's eyes widened. She knew her mother never had a good relationship with her grandmother. "Instead of coming to me, you ran to her? Where did I go wrong? How was I not enough for you? How did I make you feel like you couldn't share this with me? Maybe, I'd have been disappointed in you but for how long? You're my daughter, eventually, I'd accept all your flaws and mistakes. Then why did you not trust me?"

"Mom..."

Clara stood up from her chair and turned to leave. Nora was scared as she looked at her father.

Jing Ge also took a deep breath. He still couldn't believe everything that Nora told them. It was hard to think that their daughter had hidden something like this from them. She suffered all alone but didn't let them know? They could have been there for her but no, she chose to stay silent. Even for years and if she hadn't found her daughter now, was she planning on keeping this a secret for life?

"Where is she?" he asked in a heavy tone. Nora raised her brow looking perplexed at his question. "Your daughter. Where is she?"

"Umm... Ava is with her father," said Nora.

He nodded in understanding. "How is she?"

"She hasn't started talking yet but the doctors say it's nothing to worry about. She's healthy and very happy."

He came to her side and hugged her gently. "Sorry, dad didn't know you're going through so much on your own. Sorry that dad didn't know anything about your pain. I should have paid more attention. But I guess I wasn't a good father."

Nora was startled as she looked at him shook her head. "No, dad. You're best. It's not your fault that I turned out to be such a person. You did your best in everything. It's me who failed you. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

Jing Ge stroked her head affectionately, "I think we went wrong somewhere. Otherwise, our daughter wouldn't have hidden something so important from us." Nora felt guilty in her heart. "But don't worry. Dad is not upset with you. Dad is not even disappointed in you. You're the only daughter I have, how can I be disappointed in you?" Nora's heart shook a bit. "But give dad some time to process this. Okay?" He looked into her eyes. "Your mother and I both need some time to process this all. But we're not angry with you. Not at all."

He smiled gently at her before he also followed his wife. Nora was left alone in the dining room or so she thought. 

"Jackie..."

Jackson had listened to her from the start to finish, he walked up to her and tugged at her hand. Nora bent down to his height as he asked, "Did it hurt?"

"Huh?"

"When grandmother told you that your baby is no more, did it hurt?"

Nora didn't know where this question came from. Why was he asking her that? But she still nodded her head. "It hurt very much." Tears had again formed in her eyes now. 

Jackie looked down as he asked, "Is it hurting now when mom doesn't want to let you explain?"

Nora's tears fell down. She couldn't get the image of her mother's expressions out of her mind. The way her mother looked at her said so many things that it pierced Nora's heart brutally. "It's painful." She mumbled softly.

Jackie wiped her tears with his small hands and he said, "Mom is also hurting because you turned your back on her. You chose to lean on another person than her. Nono, mom loves you dearly even though her way of showing it is different. But you know that what you did has broken her now. You made her feel like a failed mother."

Nora was stunned to hear his analysis. How was he at such a young age was able to understand it but she wasn't? Now that he pointed it out, Nora realized that what she saw in her mother's eyes earlier wasn't contempt or anger. It was like something broke inside her. 

So, that means she broke her mother? But that wasn't her intention though. That was really not her intention. It's really not like she didn't want to lean on her mother. But... How was she supposed to justify what she did?

"Are you not upset with me?" she asked Jackie who shook his head. "Why not? I thought you'd be really mad."

"I'm mad but I'm mad at myself because I'm too young and I can't protect you like I want to. Sorry, Nono, Jackie is still not good enough."

Nora pulled him in a hug immediately. "Stupid little brother, you're good enough. It's me who's lacking way too much." She really didn't expect that her brother would handle this so well. She was expecting a whole lot of drama from him but he didn't do anything like that. It warmed her heart to know that he was willing to stay by her side. At least, someone was with her.