Imperfect Desires

Nora had fallen in love with this toddler of hers. Although Ava didn't talk coherently, her little babbles her soft giggles, and her effort of trying to walk steadily really amused Nora. It warmed her heart. 

She had woken up a couple of hours ago but didn't leave the room because she wanted to spend some more time with her baby girl. And since the maids had already gotten Ava's breakfast in the room, she didn't have to leave the room. She knew once she left the room, she'll have to come back to reality. But that was inevitable and since it was inevitable, she decided to live in this moment for a bit longer.

As much as Nora knew Xiu, she wasn't surprised to not find Xiu with her when she opened her eyes. She, however, thought that Xiu must have left for home. And that's why she didn't think more about it.

After dressing Ava in new clothes, she picked her up and finally left the room. Oddly, she found no one outside. Not even a single maid was in sight. Pursing her lips, she thought about it a bit before she ended up right in front of the door that she was now familiar with.

She knocked on the door and heard the voice from inside before opening the door to step in. Ah-Si was standing before her with a towel on his head. He must have just taken a shower. Nora stayed silent but seeing how the little one was wiggling in her arms, she put Ava down who tried walking up to her father. At last step, she faltered a bit but before she could fall, Ah-Si bent down to hold her.

"My dear princess, don't you remember what dad said? No running around." He picked that giggling baby up making her laugh louder. "Don't give dad those beautiful giggles. How will I stay mad?" 

Seeing him acting so naturally with Ava, Nora couldn't move her eyes away. She even forgot why she came as she stood at a side in complete silence.

She watched how Ava lifted her small hands to touch Ah-Si's face, right where it was purple now. Ah-Si slightly flinched at the touch but his smile didn't falter as he tapped Ava's small nose. "No, it doesn't hurt. Stop pouting so adorably." Indeed, the little girl was pouting as if she could feel her father's pain. She looked like she was gonna cry now. Ah-Si hugged her tighter as he kept murmuring, "It really doesn't hurt. Don't be sad baby. Dad's okay."

While he was rocking Ava around leisurely, his eyes finally fell on Nora's figure and he froze instantly. Right, he didn't even notice how his daughter got here in the first place. He just heard Ava's voice and only focused on her.

He cleared his throat as he began, "Sorry, I didn't see you there."

"It's okay," she answered honestly. She was genuinely okay with watching this heartwarming scene between a father and daughter. She really didn't know he was so good with little kids. 

Ah-Si waited for her to say something. If she was here, she must have something to say but why was she silently just looking at him? Was there something on his face? He even lifted his hand to touch his face to check.

"So you have something to say?" he finally decided to start the conversation himself.

"Umm... I just came to give Ava to you," she replied.

"I thought you'd want to take her with you?" 

"Can I?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "Xiu will kill me this time if I said you can't." He was trying to joke around but when Nora saw him limping slightly she pursed her lips tightly. His kneecaps must really be in pain. Seeing her reaction, he tried again, "I was just joking. You can take Ava if you want."

"I'm... I'm sorry."

"Huh? For what?"

"For what Xiu did. She gets a little possessive when it comes to me and..."

"I didn't mind it though," he chuckled softly. "I'm actually happy to know that you've someone like her in your life. Besides, she already apologized to me." Nora didn't expect to hear that from him. Xiu could apologize to someone that easily? That was surprising. With a perpetually tired voice, he continued, "Actually, I should be the one saying sorry to you." Nora's eyes widened. "I had no right to stop you from seeing Ava. I'm really sorry for being a jerk to you."

"You don't have to..."

He shook his head to interrupt her, "No, I have to. Not just for this. I'm sorry for not being clear about my feelings. I'm also sorry for leaving. And most of all, I'm sorry I wasn't there when you really needed me."

Nora had nothing to say. Except that she was also sorry. If he didn't try hard enough neither did she. They were at this point because both of them lacked in some way. It wasn't just one person's fault that they drifted away like this.

"Now, you don't have to forgive me just because I'm apologizing but I have a request." Nora looked up into his eyes. The helplessness and vulnerability in his eyes startled her. "You can hurt me in any way. I'm willing to go through anything you ask but please, don't take my daughter away from me."

"I'd never do that," said Nora loudly meaning the words more serious than they sounded. "I can never think about taking Ava from you. I know what it feels like to grow up without a father and I wouldn't want my daughter to go through that." She could see how Ah-Si visibly relaxed to hear that. He really was anxious. "But I hope you let me be a part of her life."

Ah-Si didn't react to that as he waited for her to continue, "I don't know how but I'd like to stay in her life as well. As a mother, I want to see my daughter grow up as well." She took a brief pause before adding, "Can we leave our differences aside for her?"

Nora was a bit taken aback when he simply nodded. She didn't think he'd agree so easily. She was ready to have a long argument but it seemed like he gave in way too easily.