Imperfect Desires

*BLARGH!*

Xiu placed her head against the cold tiles of the bathroom as she sat on the floor with a dull and lifeless expression. She had tried so badly to keep herself from vomiting but to no avail. Even though she had tried her best to appear as her bright and full-of-life self before Dylan and Ying, she lost the energy to keep up the facade after both of them left.

She tried to stand up but her wobbly knees didn't allow her. She could only sit there on the cold floor trying to gather some strength. 

Finally, when she managed to make her way to the bedroom, she took some antibiotics and painkillers to improve her condition and fell down on the bed face-down. She wanted nothing but to close her eyes now to ease her aching head. Perhaps, she was too drained out or the medicine took effect, but she fell into slumber within minutes.

*Sob... Sob... Sob...*

Xiu's brows creased up slightly as the sound fell into her ears making her roll over in her bed. She put the pillow over her head and continued to pretend like she heard no sound.

*Sniff... Sniff..."

When the sound came again, Xiu opened her eyes and threw the pillow away. The sun had already set because of which her room was shrouded in darkness now. But not just her room, even the whole apartment was engulfed by the dark night. Not a single light was turned on. Then where the hell was the sound coming from?

'Don't tell me there is really a ghost in my place now?' Xiu's heart shook her ridiculous idea and she got off the bed to look around. However, she had just taken a step when she bumped into something and fell over. "Ah!" Xiu rubbed the side of her bum before looking at the thing she bumped into.

She squinted her eyes and when she got accustomed to the darkness, she voiced out in confusion, "Nora?" She hurriedly turned on the lights in the room and looked back. It was indeed her best friend who had been crying at the side of her bed with her face buried in her knees while she hugged herself for comfort. 

Nora looked up slightly and saw her red eyes, Xiu was startled and anxious. "Xiu'er!" she called out in a choked-up voice making Xiu even more worried.

Xiu kneeled down beside her and put her arms around Nora's shoulders pulling her in a hug from the side. Nora buried her head in Xiu's chest and continued to sob hysterically. Her shoulders were shaking, even her whole body was trembling and Xiu had no idea what was going on. She had never seen her best friend in such a bad condition.

She calmly and gently rubbed Nora's back in silence. She didn't want to rush her into telling her anything. She knew Nora would come around on her own and that's why she was just gonna wait right beside her. In the meantime, she was gonna make sure that Nora won't feel lonely. Just like Nora had never made her feel lonely during the time of her rebirth where everything was scary and unknown to her.

When Nora's sobs turned into hiccups, she pulled away and offered a glass of water to her which Nora accepted without hesitation. "Feeling better?" Xiu asked while stroking her hair. Nora's face was a mess, stained with tears and swollen eyes. But Xiu wasn't gonna say anything about that. 

Nora nodded her head before looking into Xiu's eyes. She could tell Xiu was holding herself from asking anything.

"Good. Now let me get my baseball bat!" Xiu stood up with a determined look in her eyes. Nora held her wrist and looked up at her inquisitively. "What? I'm gonna beat the crap out of whoever made my sister cry." Nora wanted to laugh at Xiu's words but ended tearing up again. She pulled Xiu's wrist and made her sit on the bed while she placed her head on her lap.

"Can you promise, you won't hate me?" Nora's voice made Xiu frown.

"Why would I..."

Her words were interrupted as Nora continued, "What I'm about to tell you might really make you hate me. But I don't want to lose you."

Xiu couldn't see her expressions but she could hear her sincerity in her voice clearly. She placed her hand on Nora's head and said, "I can never hate you. No matter what. I really can't hate you. Not even for a second."

Nora stayed silent in reply and Xiu didn't try to break this silence. She allowed this time for Nora to gather her thoughts. And when she was done, she narrated the story which she told Ah-Si in the morning. Xiu was shocked, to say the least. She never expected any of this.

"You know just like he said, I went to see Mel right after coming out of his house," Nora continued.

"What did she say?" Xiu held her breath as she waited for her reply.

"She said, Ava is indeed my daughter." Nora's tears fell making Xiu's pajama bottoms wet but Xiu didn't pay attention to that. She was still in disbelief. "She said because of premature birth, Ava was really weak and the doctors really said that she might not be able to survive. But she did, she was kept in the hospital for almost a year before her condition was stable."

Nora looked up at Xiu as she cried, "Can you believe it? Xiu, I didn't even know that my daughter was in pain. She was struggling with life and death. But I as a mother was clueless and oblivious to her own blood's struggle and pain. I was busy trying to start my life afresh while my daughter was still suffering all alone. She must be so scared all alone. But I didn't know. I didn't know anything."

Her sobs broke Xiu's heart and unknowingly tears had pooled into her eyes. She didn't know what Nora was feeling but her heart was breaking just listening to her. But she still needed some answers.

"Then how did she end up with her father?" 

Nora rubbed her tears away as she answered, "Mel said that grandmother used a lot of money to find his whereabouts. She saw me starting a new life and that's why she didn't want to bring that past back to me. So, she chose to send Ava to her father's door. Can you believe it? My own grandmother did this to me."

"Why did Mel not say anything to you? Why she hid it for so long?"

"Mel didn't know anything. When my grandmother died half a year ago, that's when she found out everything. But she didn't know how to tell this to me now after years." She hugged Xiu's waist, as she continued, "Xiu, I really didn't want to lose my baby. I just lost my mind at that time. I was too stressed and my grandmother's words managed to get to me. That's the only reason I even thought of abortion. I accept that I chose to drop the idea because of my own selfishness but I promise that I loved my baby wholeheartedly." 

Xiu's silence really was getting to Nora now. Was her best friend also planning on leaving her alone? Was she really such a bad person? She was already hurting from the look Ah-Si gave him when he said he didn't trust her anymore. Then hearing everything her grandmother did break her even more. If Xiu also turned her back on her, Nora might not be able to handle it.