Chapter 380: I Told You to Go Have Some Fun, Didn’t I? (10)

Yuanxiao Festival!

Yuanxiao literally means First Night, using the characters for “first” (元) and “night” (宵). It refers to the night of the first full moon of the new year—specifically, the fifteenth day of the first lunar month.

Amazingly, it has absolutely nothing to do with the Western word “one.”

It’s simply the name for the First Full Moon Festival back in Qing’s hometown.

To those in the Central Plains, the Yuanxiao Festival marks the end of the New Year’s holiday season.

By the time the first lunar month rolls around, there really isn’t much left to do.

After indulging in endless feasting and merrymaking since Lunar New Year’s Day, once the streets light up in a dazzling display of lanterns symbolizing the full moon—ah, today must be Yuanxiao Festival—that’s when people realize the holiday’s finally coming to a close. The last big celebration of the year.

But Qing isn’t particularly interested in the Festival part of Yuanxiao.

She cares more about the yuanxiao itself—

The sticky rice balls.

Normally, people eat these yuanxiao as tteokguk—rice cake soup.

Yes, it’s technically tteokguk, but with honey-filled rice cakes.

Usually, they boil glutinous rice balls filled with sugar and sesame, or red bean paste or sweet fillings depending on the region, in a clear broth.

Sticky rice balls in clear meat broth.

Qing shuddered in horror at the atrocities of the Chinese people.

What the hell—how could anyone!

How could anyone dump sweet rice balls into a meat broth!?

Absolutely unforgivable!

This kind of dish should never exist in the world!

Meat soup with honey rice balls!? That’s beyond absurd!

So they all had to be destroyed.

Fueled by righteous fury, Qing heroically sacrificed her own body to eradicate the monstrous dish—by devouring every last one.

A noble sacrifice. A sacrifice of sweet and salty proportions.

It’s a festival to pray for abundance.

Having eaten and cleared away all the leftover yuanxiao so none remained in the world, her upper belly, now swollen with glutinous rice, jutted upward like a mountain.

“Truly, Big Sister! This foolish Unaram could barely manage two bowls, yet Your capacity—Your capacity is vast beyond mortal comprehension! How can a human body consume seven entire bowls of yuanxiao!? It’s a miracle! A marvel! Just look at this majestic belly, towering with such imposing grandeur! The Five Sacred Mountains of the Central Plains would hang their heads in shame! A Taishan of flesh! A skyscraper of might! Touching the heavens! This Unaram is in awe!!”

Qing, sprawled on her bedding with a full belly, listened as Unaram squealed excitedly beside her.

Qing felt... a little weird.

What was that?

That felt like a subtle jab?

“...You’re saying that in a good way, right?”

“But of course! Eating is combat! Combat is eating! What one eats becomes the body! Thus, eating is the body! And Your strength—surely it comes from this inhuman appetite! This divine consumption far beyond any mortal limits!!”

“Sss. Yeah, that definitely felt like a jab.”

“Still, this humble girl Unaram! Has one request of You, Big Sister! May I... may I touch that enormous food pouch, just once with my own hands!? My eyes cannot believe what they see!”

Truthfully, Qing was in a very good mood.

Her belly was full. Her body relaxed.

So if the girl wanted to poke her belly a bit—

“If you touch it gently. Don’t press. Stuff might come back up.”

“An honor! A supreme honor!”

With that, Unaram reached out carefully and stroked Qing’s taut, round upper belly.

Her touch was absurdly delicate, like one would use on a pregnant woman.

Then, gradually, her hand crept upward, and the soft strokes turned to light caresses—until Qing, unable to suppress the ticklish sensation, squealed in a high-pitched shriek.

“Ah shit, Unaram? That’s not my belly, you know? Logically, would I have food up there?”

“Ah! Forgive me! I was misled by the sight of three towering peaks joined together—I thought it was a single mountain range! But truly, with such grand provisions stored in the chest, no wonder you radiate such majesty!”

Qing tilted her head.

“Chest-head”? What’s that? Chest and head ? Chest-head? Oh. Wait a second—

“Indeed! It must be that only by stuffing your belly to the brink of rupture can you nourish such enormous twin heads upon your chest!”

Qing’s eyes narrowed.

“You... keep bringing up my chest, don’t you?”

“Ah! Forgive me! A thousand apologies! This Unaram shall offer the sacred Khotan Bow of Atonement!! HYAAA!!”

Unaram immediately thrust up both arms.

But honestly, the Khotan Bow loses its punch after the third or fourth time in a day.

And then, suddenly, Unaram cried out desperately:

“Big Sister! Forgive me, but—urgh. This girl has eaten too much! I’m struggling to keep it all down! May I offer a regular bow instead!?”

“...Seriously. You’re unbelievable.”

In the end, Unaram (thirty years old) knelt with arms raised in solemn misery.

“To speak honestly, this girl can no longer contain her admiration for Your blessed assets. If Your Ladyship were to choose an epithet, ‘Greatest Chest in the World’ would suit You best. The Han might consider large breasts vulgar, but to we Zhang people, a woman’s ample bosom is the pinnacle of untouchable beauty. What’s more, they do not sag with age and retain such perfect form—this Unaram finds herself struck with awe and reverence every time she lays eyes on them. I simply can’t suppress my burning respect—it keeps bursting forth...”

It wasn’t a jab after all, but a raw confession of overwhelming admiration.

Well, she’d been sticking close for more than two weeks now.

It was obvious this musclehead didn’t have the personality to throw shade.

She was just... a terribly tacky lady.

And so the night of Yuanxiao deepened.

Amazingly, Qing was still carrying out her Wulin League mission with flying colors.

Go hang out at the Rooster Forest Sword Sect Manor, they said.

Even Master had told her to rest and enjoy the hospitality.

So it seemed like Qing had completed her duties splendidly once again.

Until another letter disguised as a love note arrived.

“Do you intend to keep your promise or not?

I’ll be waiting in the Plum Blossom Room at the Hour of the Dog.”

Today’s work wasn’t over yet.

****

The Dragon Palace Pavilion—Namnyeong’s First Inn—was packed to bursting once again.

Perhaps it was the last day of the holiday, and people were eager to finish catching up; every seat on both floors was full, the lively chatter echoing through the inn.

“Haha! Big Brothers, allow this humble one to pour another drink! On a day like this, in the company of the brothers I respect most—what could possibly be better? On that note, may I offer a toast?”

“Of course, how could we refuse our youngest?”

“Then, ahem—To the eternal brotherhood of the Five Heroes of Qinghe!”

“To brotherhood!” “To brotherhood!” “To brotherhood!” “To brotherhood!”

...Wait, didn’t something sound off just now?

What was that? Felt like the number was wrong or something?

Was it just her imagination?

Qing tilted her head as she climbed the stairs.

Last time, she’d been summoned to the Dragon King Room on the seventh floor.

The Plum Blossom Room today was on the sixth.

And now, she was heading to the Peony Room on the fifth.

What the hell? Is the old man short on cash or something?

Qing frowned in mild concern over Bo Yeol’s financial state as she arrived in front of the Peony Room.

She knocked twice. From inside, she heard that familiar shrill old man voice.

—“Who is it? I didn’t call for anyone.”

“What do you mean? You did call for someone.”

The door opened. Bo Yeol, face full of urgency, appeared.

Qing’s eyesight had now reached the level where she could distinguish facial expressions—a truly miraculous feat.

“Do you even know where you are? Hurry, hurry, get inside!”

Current moon phase: early Hour of the Rat.

Qing had shown up a full hour and a half early.

She even strode down the corridor like she owned the place, bold as ever.

“Are you trying to start a rumor that Bo Yeol of the Shadow Division is conspiring with the Celestial Flame Sword? It’s Yuanxiao, I didn’t want you frolicking all night, so I picked the Hour of the Dog—and what is this?!”

“What do you mean what? You didn’t ask me if that time worked. I wanted to wrap this up quickly so I could go check out the night market with Nar—oh, do you know Unaram? She’s the First Disciple of the Rooster Forest Sword Sect. We were gonna walk the market together.”

“Wha—what, you—”

He was utterly speechless.

That’s just how Qing’s mouth worked.

The more you talked to her, the more you lost.

“But you were on the sixth floor last time. Why the fifth today? Did the Yoga Flame Hall not treat you right? I looked into you, you’re actually a really famous doctor and martial artist. If you’re at the Dragon Palace Pavilion, you should be on the seventh floor. Full private rental, top of the house.”

“You’re damn right! Exactly! That salt-peddling bastard’s stingier than salt itself. The operation’s dragging on, so they’re already skimping on meals. They don’t want to feed me fancy stuff for too long.”

“Don’t they have money at the Flame Hall?”

“That’s what I’m saying! Tch! Salt-boiling rats like them, acting like they’re noble clans. Hah! I can’t believe this.”

“Right? Daring to sell seawater and not even recognizing a doctor’s worth. And a martial artist-doctor at that—they should treat you ten times better.”

“Exactly! Idiots with swords don’t know the value of a healer. Even the damn squad leaders are no better. That one time—”

Bo Yeol launched into a lengthy tirade.

Qing chimed in dutifully with “You’re right,” “How could they,” “Incredible,” “Seriously?” and “Unbelievable!”—the Five Elemental Responses of perfect agreement.

In the process, she smoothly gathered intel: the scale of the Flame Hall’s strike force, their martial capabilities, the commanders’ personalities, and more.

“And I’ve built an entire school of medicine. Just because I know a bit of poison arts, they treat me like scum. That bastard Chohyeon too. One time—”

And thus came info on the stingy bastards from the Dark Lotus Federation.

“Ah—no, no, this isn’t the time!”

Bo Yeol finally snapped back to his senses, having spilled a treasure trove of intel.

Once the old man killer had you, you’d cough up everything—hero or villain, it didn’t matter.

“If you made a promise, you keep it. It’s already been half a month! When the hell are you going to take the poison!?”

“Ah. Well, see—I dropped it somewhere and can’t find it.”

Qing calmly offered her pre-planned excuse.

Dropped it (in my bag) and now I (who shoved it in there myself) can’t find it.

Qing didn’t usually lie.

“What!? That precious poison!? You should’ve looked harder!”

“I’m sorry... um, do you have another bottle, maybe? I mean, to take poison, I need poison...”

“Hah. You didn’t lose it inside the Rooster Forest compound, did you? If that turns up—”

“No, definitely not. I can guarantee that. If you really don’t trust me, I can put my Master on the line.”

Of course she could say that. She’d never lost it to begin with.

Bo Yeol clicked his tongue in disapproval, brows furrowed.

“Tsk. Do you know how valuable that poison is? Even ten gold bars would be cheap. Tsk.”

“Ah... it’s really that valuable? No wonder you called it one of the Ten Deadliest Poisons. I’m so sorry...”

“Ahem. Each bottle contains venom from a thousand snakes, condensed. The snakes themselves were rare enough, and then I had to—ah, forget it. Here. Just don’t lose this one. In fact, take it as soon as you get back.”

“That might be hard. I have plans with Unaram...”

Qing, having navigated skillfully until now, suddenly veered off course.

“Ugh! Listen! When an elder tells you to do something—!”

“But today’s the only Yuanxiao...”

“Hah. Fine. I’ll give you four days. If Rooster Forest doesn’t report a death within five, your secret will be out.”

“Hm... Since we’re talking numbers, can I ask for one more day? We have five fingers, and top fives are always a thing, so it only makes sense.”

“Haah... You’re lucky you talk fast. Fine. Five days. I’ll give you five.”

“Hehehe. Thank you.”

And of course, she should be thankful.

Because Qing never actually agreed to take the poison.

Let’s go with five days instead of four.

Okay, fine, five days it is.

Qing did lie sometimes—but when it came to promises, she always kept them.

...While exploiting every loophole to twist those promises in her favor, like the devious swindler she was.

If she used even half this cunning in her everyday life, she could’ve avoided most of the danger that constantly followed her.

But really, how could a naïve old man ever hope to outwit a professional elderly-conning scammer?

And so, Bo Yeol got played.

Again.