Heart of Darkness

Roxana looked at the medicine box in Alexander's hands. Why was he treating her so well was still a mystery and sometimes she wondered why he looked at her like that. In a way that made her heart flutter. A way that made her feel like a woman. And not just any woman, a desirable one. She must be mistaken since she was a man right now. 

Suddenly he stood up from his seat and slowly walked around the table to her side. She thought that he would only give her the box when he suddenly sat in the chair nearby she panicked a little.

He opened the box and dipped his fingers into the paste. "May I?" He asked. 

Roxana was too shocked to answer and before she could bring herself to speak again, he applied the medicine to the bruise on her cheekbone. Her eyes closed and she tensed as he massaged the medicine onto her skin with his two fingers. He was so very gentle for a strong man like himself. 

When he stopped she opened her eyes and found him picking up more of the paste before he reached for her again. 

This time he traced her jaw with his two fingers and she shuddered, drawing in a sharp breath that brought along his minty scent to her nostril. 

He paused, thinking that it hurt but she was in no situation to pay attention to any pain. Her heart was erratic in her chest. She didn't know what was happening but it felt like she was in a very small room where this man breathed in all the air leaving her none. 

Alexander continued to apply the medicine to her jaw and she wondered why she wasn't stopping him? That was until he applied the medicine to the side of her lip. She was so close to fainting from lack of air. 

With one stroke of his finger, he applied the paste into her lower lips. And then he stopped and drew back to look at her. She was in too much shock to move but she noticed the change in his eyes. The midnight blue. They burned into her already burning face and her body was hotter than the teacup on the table. 

"I need to leave. Drink your tea and I'll see you at dinner." He said with a sudden thickness and huskiness in his voice. 

All she could do was nod as he stood up and then he left. She remained still listening to his footsteps fading into the distance and then she let out a breath. 

What was that? What just happened?

She looked around to see that no one was there and was relieved to find no one nearby. Roxana touched her burning cheek, trying to cool them with her fingers but she was hot all over. 

Wait! 

Why did he do that? She was a man! 

A man!!

Slowly something came to mind but she shook her head in refusal. The rumors. They couldn't be true. Did-did he like… men? 

The world stood still for a moment and then spun around her. He liked men. He liked her when she was Rox. Could this get worse? She was in trouble. She needed to find an item fast and run away before the king himself found out that she was a woman. 

Rising from her seat, she went on a hunt around the castle. What could she steal? What, what? Nothing that decorated the castle was easy or worthy of going through such hassle. 

She needed to be in the King's chamber. Steal his jewelry. Diamonds, gold, and silver. Yes. But being in the king's chamber. No. 

Oh, Lord! This unworthy human seeks shelter in you. She would need to have dinner with him later. Trouble, trouble. Her heart raced again, beating fiercely. 

After walking around, she came back to the garden. She took the plate with delicacies and went to the defense quarters. 

"Rox!" A few trainees came to congratulate her and ask about the Royal lunch. 

"It was delicious. I brought a few sweets." She said and they were quick to snatch it from the plate. Roxanna hid and saved one for Ronny. He sat brooding in a corner, watching her with fury in his eyes. She walked up to him slowly. "You fight really well." She said. 

He ignored her. 

"I brought you some sweets." 

"I don't want it." He hissed. 

"You only get royal sweets once in a lifetime and trust me, they taste heavenly. It would be a shame if you missed it." 

His eyes narrowed. 

"Try it. It removed all my pain from your punch." She held it out and he snatched it from her hands. 

She sat down on the floor with him. 

"Why are you being nice?" He asked skeptically. 

"Well, I am not being nice. I am bribing you. After that punch, I would not want to be your enemy."

He scoffed. "You are a smart little boy." 

He took a bite and his eyes widened. He chewed slowly as if he couldn't believe the taste.

"I told you." She smiled. 

He finished it at once and then looked at her face. "You look more manly now." He said. 

Of course. She wanted to roll her eyes. But at least her bully was more friendly now. 

Roxana's shift ended one hour before dinner time. All she wanted to do was go home. Run fast and never look back. But without money, she wasn't going anywhere and dinner with the King was becoming more frightening with every passing moment. 

She sat in the garden, allowing her thoughts to scare her until she was shaking slightly. She thought of the king reaching for her shirt, unbuttoning it just to find out that she had breasts. 

Surprise! 

Unless he was truly captivated by them, captivated enough to forget that she lied to him, she would end up dead. She surely had nice breasts but she was also sure that he had already seen plenty of them in all shapes and sizes.

At least, if her breasts were small, she could still pretend to be a man unless he decided to take off more of her clothes. But no, her breasts screamed woman. 

Oh lord! 

He was not that kind of man. Even if he liked her as a man, he wouldn't just undress her. Would he? She couldn't be sure. These wealthy people had twisted minds thinking they could do as they pleased. 

Her stomach turned at the memory of Henrik, the man she was supposed to marry. His forced kisses and touches became unbearable. He made her feel bad whenever she denied him or tried to get away saying they should do those things once they were married. Until one day when he overstepped the boundaries and stripped her, just to shame her later. And leave her. 

She scoffed. After that day she was going to leave him anyway. The only regret she had was that she didn't leave earlier. 

She closed her eyes, forcing the large lump down her throat. That day, she hadn't even been able to tell Fanny. She knew he would be angry and get in trouble. She had only told him later once they left the kingdom. 

Roxana shivered again when suddenly a warm fur coat fell around her shoulders. With a jolt, she looked behind her. Alexander stepped over the bench with his long legs and came to sit beside her. "Are you cold?" His voice made her shiver again. 

"A little." She said. 

Why did he give her this? Suddenly she wanted nothing from him. Well, at least as long as she didn't look at him because then…

"Then?" 

Then she wanted everyth…

She turned to him eyes wide. Did he say that or was she hallucinating now? 

"Your Majesty, did you say something?" 

"If you are cold… then we should get inside." 

"Oh.." She was partial hearing now. 

But wait! Inside? 

No. 

"Your Majesty, if you don't mind. I am not cold anymore. You gave me your nice coat and I like the time of the sunset." What was she saying? She bit her lips forgetting that it was bruised. 

"I don't mind." He said.

Roxana looked up, pretending to enjoy the weather but all she could sense was the warmth of his coat and the scent that it carried. His scent. Minty and fresh. 

How could someone smell so pleasing? 

"Rox." 

"Yes, Your Majesty." She said almost too loud. 

"I want to make you my personal guard." 

Her jaw dropped and her heart sank. "Why, Your Majesty?" She blurted. 

"You don't want to?" He raised a brow. 

"Uh… of course I do, Your Majesty. It is such an honor. I just… what have I done to deserve this?" She wanted to cry. 

He smiled and she would have melted if she wasn't so miserable. 

"You are a great fighter. Brave. You seem like a smart young man. A lot of strength is hidden in your small body and you seem to care for me genuinely." He touched the side of his stomach reminding her of when she dragged him across the hall. 

Her face burned. 

"I need good loyal people by my side, like yourself." He added. 

Right. The only time her charm worked against her. 

She breathed out. "I am… honored, your majesty." That was all she could say. 

Wouldn't she be so lucky if she was a woman in this situation? This was her punishment for cheating. 

"I am going on a trip to our neighbor kingdom. You are coming with me then." He said. 

Trip? This could get worse then. 

She turned to him fighting the urge to spit it out but she was already doing it in her head. 

Listen, young handsome king Alexander. I came here to steal from you. You need to be guarded against me NOT by me and I will steal. If not your crown then…she looked into his eyes and lost track of her thoughts. 

"You wanted to say something?" He asked. 

"Uh… a trip sounds fun." 

"Good." 

Not good. Spare me. Please. 

"Come. Let's have dinner now so you don't go home late." 

Oh. Thoughtful too. And dreadful. How can you be an angel and a devil at the same time? Please, don't throw me back and forth from heaven to hell. 

She followed him feeling anxious the whole time. Maybe she should do something to disgust him while having dinner so he changes his mind about her. 

Again he held the chair out for her and she sat down. He was treating her like a lady. Now she wished Sir Fulker was here to shout at her to be a man. 

The dinner was several plates of different food. She could pick from chicken, meat, vegetables, rice, bread, anything. Her mouth was already watering. The servants served their plates with whatever they wished to eat. Roxana wished to have a little of everything and then she began to eat a little more wildly than normal. She used her knife and fork, sometimes in the middle picked something with her fingers and hands. She smeared her mouth and then glanced his way to see if he was paying attention to her clumsiness. 

He was but he only seemed amused by it. "You are like a child," he said picking up his napkin. He reached for her face and wiped her mouth gently. 

Oh, so he was the caring kind. Why? She wanted to weep. 

Why? She loved herself a caring man. But for herself. Not himself. Not for Rox. What was this misfortune?

"Thank you," she croaked.

No! That was what she would say as a woman. As a man, she should look repulsed. Confused. Scared to death. How would a man react to such an approach? She was clueless. 

"Eat slowly," he suggested. 

She nodded. 

They ate in silence and not to make it uncomfortable, Roxana always had her mouth full. Until her stomach was full as well and she felt drowsy and slow. Oh, now she would have loved to sleep on her mattress. 

"You look tired," he said. 

"Oh no!" She forced her eyes to open wide. "I am alright." 

He leaned back in his chair, relaxing. Roxana was would be tense, if she hadn't been in pain from her full stomach but the eerie silence was becoming unbearable. 

"Do you want to take a walk?" He asked. 

"Yes," She hurried to say. 

In the cool night breeze, Roxana could breathe in relief. She followed him down the stepstones and around every corner. The silence went from being awkward to soothing. 

No matter what happened, coming to the castle had been an adventure. She was able to eat delicious food, fight a big man and win, dine with the king himself and walk with this mysterious and mesmerizing creature. One that seemed to belong to the night and every dark potential that came with it. 

The king came to a halt and turned around. "Shall I walk you home?" 

Roxana blinked confused. How was he supposed to do that? 

She thought she heard a low sigh from him."It would feel good to leave this place." 

Roxana remembered him alone at the river. Perhaps he did it occasionally. Leaving the castle without guards to get away from all of this. It must be suffocating. 

"Your Majesty, It is dangerous." She said and then felt bad for him. "Maybe if you changed your clothes and… hide your face." 

Was she really suggesting this? It was dangerous. But then, what was life if not taking risks and enjoying freedom?