Falling in Love with the King of Beasts

LERRIN

His words echoed in the stomach of the Great Tree, but Suhle's only answer was the hitch of her breath and tears falling in a new wave. It was the Lion King who answered him.

"She is good. The best female I know, bar my own Mate," Reth rumbled from across the room.

Lerrin lifted his gaze to stare down the Lion and the two did battle again—this time, a battle of minds and wills. 

"She speaks true, Lerrin. Scent her for it. Whatever she told you, whatever motives she described, they were real."

The tiniest flare of hope lit in his chest as Lerrin looked down at her again, his nostrils flaring as he inhaled her gorgeous scent.

Her eyes widened and her fingers squeezed even harder on his arms. "Yes!" she said quickly, licking her lips. "Scent me true! I never lied to you. I never had any agenda that I did not describe!"

Lerrin blinked. For a moment he could see the fine line she walked—her heart for her people, her desire to see them thrive, her fear for where they were going. Her willingness to put herself in the path of danger to attempt to influence their path…

He swallowed. Hard. 

Was it possible she really had only come to the Lion because he'd asked her to? He was afraid to ask. But Reth must have anticipated the question.

"She told you true, Lerrin. I do not send her. She offers herself—or brings me information I didn't seek. Her heart is good and true. And it's very clear that she loves you. I've never seen any male evoke this kind of reaction from her. I had to lock her in to keep her from running to you, despite the imminent battle. She would have resisted my orders not to return to the wolves, had they been left in place, because of her feelings for you." 

Suhle nodded, her eyes never left his, her tears spilling, tracking down her cheeks to patter to her arms, or the wood under their feet.

For a moment, Lerrin could breathe—could see what she had intended, what she'd hoped to achieve. For a moment he could see her courage again.

Reth cleared his throat, but spoke gently. "Hear me, Lerrin: Suhle is not an agent of the crown. She is a personal friend. A trainee—a former acolyte whose values and goals align with mine. She is a blessing from the Creator… for all of us."

She is a personal friend…?

The memories raced in—the moments he'd asked her about her past and she'd never mentioned Reth. The conversation they'd had about Asta—about her hiding among the faction and Suhle's insistence that he should forgive her if she worked for his good, even without telling him. His warnings—his gut-wrenching fear about sending her to the Tree City and her quiet confidence.

All opportunities to tell him.

And none of them taken.

He leaned down and took her by the arms and her eyes widened again, until he opened his mouth and snarled through his teeth. "If you believe you have not deceived me, that only proves that you are adept at lying to yourself!"

The urge was there to shove her away, but even in this moment, even in his rage, he could not bear to see fear in her eyes.

His hands on her arms prickled and stung where he touched her skin, as if he gripped cinders of his rage. He let her go like her skin burned him.

"Lerrin! No!"

But he lurched away from her, shaking his head putting a hand up to stop her from touching him again—an order he knew she would obey because of her own aversion to unwanted touch. 

I trusted you, he sent. I trusted you further, deeply, more wholly than anyone in my life—more so even than my family! And you betrayed me. 

No!

You should have told me. You should have aligned yourself with me.

I did!

Lerrin shook his head and a growl puttered in his throat. "Answer the King's questions, then take whatever you please. Make it good. It is the last time my mind will be open to you."

She sobbed, pleading with him, humiliating herself to beg him to reconsider. But he only stared, flat-mouthed and heartbroken at the wolf he'd thought would be his True Mate. He'd thought she would be everything to him, for always. 

He'd thought finding her was worth losing his family. His family!

"Lerrin," Reth started, but Lerrin snapped him a searing gaze.

"Ask. Your. Questions," he snarled. "She can answer them. Then, when you finally know my honor, when you finally believe my truth, take her out of my sight. Never bring her to me again. I submit to you. I do not submit to her."

Reth sighed, but Lerrin just stared until he nodded slowly. He asked his questions quietly after that, quickly and efficiently. Suhle answered through tears, rifling through Lerrin's memories, but punctuating every one with cries of her love, pleas for him to understand.

He made himself ice. He stood cold and unmoving, until Reth finally nodded again. Then the lion's eyes dropped to Suhle, who knelt on the floor, her head bowed. Unlike every other wolf with the exception of his family, Lerrin and Suhle had never needed eye contact or even close proximity to send to each other. 

Lerrin's stomach twisted. 

"Suhle," Reth said kindly, "Can you find anything else, see anything else, that you think I should know? Is there anything that would help or hinder our desire to bring peace to the Anima and unite what good is left in the rebellious tribes? Take your time."

Lerrin's upper lip lifted to bare his teeth. He knew what Reth was doing, giving her an excuse to stay in his mind, to swim in his memories, to speak to him.

But Suhle only brushed his mind with her own, a feather-touch, as if she found the core of him and cupped it in her hand, stroked it with a gentle finger.

She looked up then, her eyes red and shining, her face twisted in grief, but her jaw set and hands fisted on her thighs.

I love you, she sent, the words strangled by grief. You are mine and I am yours. I will wait for you, Lerrin. I will not take another. When the day comes that you realize… that you can see what I have for you… I will still be waiting. No matter how long it takes. You're mine. Only mine, she ended fiercely.

Then she closed her eyes and pulled out of his mind.

He was truly alone.

He barely heard Reth's muttered apologies to Suhle, or her high and broken answers as Reth ushered her to the door.

He barely noticed Reth touching her—and her unafraid.

He noticed only when the door closed behind them and the room echoed with silence. It buzzed in his ears.

And on the wooden floor in front of him… tiny, wet splashes where her tears had landed, one after the other. Raindrops of grief and pain. He could smell the salt in them.

Lerrin shuddered and closed his eyes.

He would have to learn to accommodate this. He was strong. He could do it.

He needed no one. Not even her.