Chapter 166: ¹⁶⁶: cold water

Chapter 166: 1??: cold water

"I don’t understand," I replied, tears threatening to spill from my eyes as I watched Kael ignore me and continue dressing himself. He hadn’t even looked at me once since he had gotten off the couch, as though I were no longer worth acknowledging now that he had finished saying what he wanted to say.

The indifference was infuriating.

I wanted him to look at me, to at least have the decency to face me while we were having this conversation. Instead, he kept his attention on his clothes, leaving me sitting there with a thousand unanswered questions.

"Look at me when I’m talking to you, Kael!" My voice came out sharper than I intended, betraying the frustration I had been struggling to contain. I waited for him to turn around, even if only to throw another cold look my way.

But he didn’t. "You should be pregnant by now, Athena. That is what I mean," he said, raising his voice while continuing to stand with his back facing me as he put on his shirt.

I fell silent.

"You should have been pregnant the first time we did it," he continued. His words left me feeling hollow, and my gaze dropped to the floor before I could stop it. I stared at the ground, trying to understand why hearing him say something I already knew was affecting me this much.

I knew the purpose of our arrangement. I knew what Kael wanted from me and why he had agreed to this in the first place. There was no mystery about his expectations. So why did his words hurt?

I was feeling hurt by his words, his coldness, his lack of consideration for me. Why did his coldness bother me so much when I should have been more concerned about the problem he was raising than the way he was choosing to speak about it?

I should have been thinking of a way to counter his argument. I should have been preparing an explanation that would satisfy him, something convincing enough to keep him from questioning our arrangement any further.

Instead, I was sitting there, feeling hurt by his insensitivity.

The realization only made me more frustrated with myself. Of all the times to let my emotions get the better of me, why did it have to be now? I had known from the beginning that dealing with Kael would require patience and careful planning. I couldn’t afford to let a few harsh words distract me from what I needed to accomplish. And yet, that was exactly what I was doing.

"The number of times we’ve done all this, even a normal wolf would have gotten you pregnant by now," Kael continued, still not looking back at me. "I’m an Alpha on top of that, so none of this makes sense."

I pressed my lips together. I knew I needed to come up with an excuse quickly. Something plausible, something that would make sense to him and keep him from drawing the wrong conclusions. I could have pointed out that the timing might not have aligned with my ovulation, or offered some other explanation that would give me room to maneuver.

There were possibilities I could have presented, excuses I could have used to buy myself more time.

But instead of reaching for one of them, I found myself caught up in the strange feeling curling in my stomach.

Why was I so bothered by what Kael said about me? More importantly, why did I care so much about what he thought of me?

This wasn’t how I was supposed to react. I had entered this arrangement with a purpose, and I had always known that keeping Kael invested in it would require me to think clearly, to understand what he wanted and use that knowledge to my advantage.

Getting hurt by his words wouldn’t help me achieve any of that. And still, I couldn’t seem to stop it.

It wasn’t even the first time I had felt this way. The last time he had brought up the same subject, I had experienced that familiar ache, that same uncomfortable feeling of being diminished by the fact that he was the one pointing out something that had already made me feel inadequate ever since I had learned about it.

I hated that he could make me feel this way without even trying. I hated that I couldn’t simply brush his words aside and focus on what mattered.

I swallowed, forcing myself to lift my head a little. I needed to say something before the silence between us became any more unbearable.

"So... what do you actually... want to say, then, Kael?" I asked. My voice faltered halfway through the question. I paused, trying to get the words out properly, but my throat seemed to close on its own. I hated how difficult it had become to speak when all I needed was a simple answer.

I took a breath and tried again. "That it is my fault or anything?"

The question sounded painfully vulnerable, and I immediately wished I could take it back. I hadn’t intended to let him hear that uncertainty in my voice, much less reveal how deeply his words had affected me.

Kael was silent for a moment. "I’m not saying anything like that," he replied. His voice faltered slightly toward the end, a small break in the otherwise cold tone he had maintained throughout the conversation.

I lifted my eyes from the floor, wondering whether he had finally turned around to look at me. Had he seen the state I was in? Had he noticed the tears threatening to fall, or the way I was struggling to keep my expression composed?

He hadn’t. He was still staring straight ahead, his hands now tucked into his pockets, as he continued in the same cold, emotionless voice.

"What I am saying is that the next time I come here, you should be pregnant. Otherwise, all this bullshit between us won’t be worth it. I won’t want to continue it anymore."

"What?" I muttered.

I knew this was nothing more than an agreement to him, an arrangement that would give him the heir he so desperately wanted. His words shouldn’t have surprised me. I had always known what he expected from me, and I had never been under any illusion about why he kept coming back.

But the ache in my chest seemed to be telling me something entirely different. It was a strange, unwelcome feeling that refused to settle, no matter how many times I reminded myself of the reality of our situation.

"I am leaving now," Kael declared. He didn’t even look back at me.

I wanted to say something. Anything that would convince him that continuing this arrangement was still worthwhile. I needed to make him believe that there was a reason to wait a little longer, that he didn’t have to give up on it just yet..

I needed to say something that would make him stay. Something that would ensure our meetings wouldn’t keep ending in the same bitter silence, with him walking away and me left to deal with the mess he had made of my thoughts.

But nothing came out of my mouth. All the cunning plans I had once made for a moment like this seemed to have vanished. I couldn’t gather my thoughts, let alone arrange them into the convincing words I needed. I simply stood there, watching Kael’s figure grow more distant until he disappeared completely through the doorway.

Only then did the first tear escape, slipping down my cheek.

I could no longer hold them back. One tear followed another as I struggled to steady myself and pushed myself upright on trembling legs.

My gaze wandered around the room until I spotted my shirt discarded on the floor, a quiet reminder of what had happened between us before everything had become so complicated, before every part of our arrangement had begun to feel like another thing being thrown back in my face.

I bent down, grabbed the shirt, and slipped it on. Then, without looking around again, I made my way upstairs to my room and headed straight for the bathroom.

I needed cold water. Something to bring me back to myself, to clear my head and remind me why I had started all of this in the first place.

Without taking my shirt off, I turned on the shower and let the cold water fall over my head. I stood beneath it, my eyes closed, trying to force myself to remember the reason I had entered this arrangement with Kael, the purpose I had held on to even when everything between us had become difficult.

The water streamed down my face and over my body, passing over the places where Kael’s lips had been only moments ago.

I lifted my hands to my neck and rubbed at the skin, trying to erase the lingering sensation my mind had stubbornly preserved, the memory of his lips against it, his gentle touch, and the words he had spoken that had left me questioning thoughts I had never intended to entertain.