Chapter 44: I Finally Kissed Yuki—Then She Told Me Someone Was Following Her

Adrián moved without thinking.

No calculation.

No plan.

Nothing.

He crossed the six feet of bench separating them in one continuous motion.

One hand went to her cheek.

The other to the back of her neck.

And before Yuki could even process what was happening—

Adrián kissed her.

It wasn’t a careful kiss.

It wasn’t experimental.

It was the kiss of a nineteen-year-old boy who had spent eleven years refusing to let himself do this, who had suppressed the impulse a thousand times since he was fifteen, and who, at that exact moment, on that exact bench, had decided that if he was going to lose her—

he was going to lose her after showing her how he felt at least once.

Yuki froze for half a second.

Her honey-colored eyes flew wide open.

The hands she had been clenching in her lap opened on reflex.

Closed.

Opened again.

Without pulling away from her mouth, Adrián felt Yuki stop breathing for that half second.

Then Yuki reacted.

She grabbed onto him.

Both hands seized the front of his hoodie near the collar and held on as though she were afraid he might disappear.

And she kissed him back.

With all the awkwardness and all the urgency of someone who had been waiting eleven years without realizing she was waiting—

and now that it was finally happening, didn’t want it to stop.

Yuki had never kissed anyone before.

Adrián could tell.

Not exactly because of technique—Yuki had instincts, and apparently those worked just fine—but because of the way she clung to his hoodie.

The way she breathed against his mouth.

The tiny sound of surprise that escaped from somewhere deep in her throat.

And the way she immediately became embarrassed by it and pressed herself closer to him as though she could somehow hide the sound.

Adrián tightened his hand against the back of her neck.

Pulled her slightly closer.

Yuki tilted her head.

Her bangs fell across her eyes.

And for one long moment—

neither of them knew how long; neither bothered measuring it—

nothing else existed.

Not the courtyard.

Not the students who were probably staring.

Not the large tree.

Not Elena.

Not Rhea.

Not the Thief’s Mask.

Not the demonic world.

Just the bench.

Just Yuki.

Just Adrián.

When Adrián finally pulled away—

slowly, not because he wanted to, but because he needed air and knew Yuki did too—

he looked at her.

Yuki was red all the way to her ears.

Lips slightly parted.

Honey-colored eyes huge, still wet with tears, but with something else mixed into them now.

Both hands were still gripping Adrián’s hoodie.

They stayed like that for several seconds.

Breathing the same air.

Foreheads nearly touching.

Neither saying anything.

Then Yuki finally spoke.

Her voice was tiny.

"...Adri."

"Yeah, Yuki?"

"...That was..."

"Yeah."

"...I wasn’t expecting that."

"Neither was I."

"..."

"Yuki."

"Yeah?"

"Don’t leave."

Silence.

Yuki closed her eyes.

Tightened her grip on his hoodie.

Then, very slowly, rested her forehead against his.

She stayed there.

"Adri."

"Yeah?"

"You have no idea what this feels like."

"..."

"You have no idea what it’s like to wait eleven years for something and then finally have it happen at the worst possible moment."

"...Sorry."

"Don’t apologize."

Her voice softened.

"It’s not your fault."

"A little bit."

Yuki let out a tiny, sad laugh.

"A little bit."

They stayed like that for a few more seconds.

Then Yuki pulled away.

Very slowly.

She sat upright again.

Fixed her bangs.

Rubbed both hands over her face.

Looked down at the bench.

"Adri."

"Yeah, Yuki?"

"I still need space."

Adrián felt his chest tighten.

"..."

"It’s not a rejection."

Yuki shook her head.

"It’s something I need."

"I need to process what just happened."

"I need to process the red-haired girl."

"I need to process why you’re different."

She swallowed.

"I need a few days."

"A few weeks."

"I don’t know how long."

"But I need it."

"..."

"And you need to deal with whatever it is you’re dealing with."

Yuki looked at him.

"You need to be able to come to me without giant secrets between us."

"You need to choose me."

Her voice trembled slightly.

"Not choose me by default just because I’m the one who’s always been there."

"You need to be able to look at me and know that I’m what you want."

A pause.

"Not what you have left."

"Yuki, you’re not what I have left—"

"Adri."

She held up one hand.

"Listen."

Adrián stopped.

"I don’t doubt what you feel."

Her cheeks flushed again.

"After... that..."

She vaguely gestured toward the space between them.

"...I really can’t doubt it."

Adrián said nothing.

"But feeling something isn’t the same as being ready to act on it."

Her honey-colored eyes held his.

"And right now, you’re not ready."

"It’s obvious."

"And I would rather wait for a version of you who is ready than have half of you now."

"..."

"Do you understand?"

Adrián breathed.

He wanted to argue.

He wanted to say:

I’m ready.

Choose me.

Stay.

But another part of his mind—

a much calmer part, the part that had remained silent throughout the kiss and had finally started speaking again—

knew Yuki was right.

Adrián wasn’t ready.

He had one foot in one world and the other in another.

And until he figured that out, he couldn’t give her all of himself.

"I understand."

"Good."

"Yuki."

"Yeah?"

"I’m going to fix it."

She looked at him.

"All of it."

"I’m going to find a way to fix everything."

"And when I do..."

Adrián looked toward the bench beneath them.

"I’m going to come back here."

"To this bench."

"And I’m going to tell you everything I can’t tell you today."

Yuki’s eyes filled again.

"And if you still want to be here when that happens, you’ll be here."

"And if you don’t..."

Adrián breathed.

"Then you won’t."

"And I’ll respect either one."

"Okay?"

Yuki nodded.

Several times in a row.

Tears gathered in her eyes again.

"Okay, Adri."

"Okay."

"..."

Silence.

Adrián rubbed a hand over his face.

Looked at the tree.

The courtyard.

Students were still walking around.

Someone had obviously passed them during the kiss.

Someone—

or several someones—

had probably seen everything.

It was almost certainly going to become gossip in Psychology class that afternoon.

Adrián couldn’t bring himself to care right now.

He looked at Yuki.

Yuki was staring down at her own hands.

And at that exact moment—

Adrián remembered something.

"Yuki."

"Yeah?"

"You said you needed to talk to me."

She looked up.

"Last night."

"You said it was important."

Yuki went completely still.

"..."

"Was this it?"

Adrián gestured vaguely between them.

"You wanting space?"

"...Also."

Adrián frowned.

"...Also."

"Yes."

"What else?"

Yuki hesitated.

She adjusted her sweater again.

Brushed a hand through her bangs.

Looked at the grass.

Looked at Adrián.

Then back at the grass.

"Adri."

"Yeah?"

"There’s something else."

"Okay."

"And you’re probably going to tell me I’m being paranoid."

"I’m not going to say that."

"Yes, you are."

"Yuki."

Adrián turned toward her fully.

"After everything that just happened..."

He gestured between them.

"After what I just did..."

He held her gaze.

"Do you really think I’m going to tell you you’re paranoid?"

A pause.

"Tell me."

Yuki breathed in.

Then she spoke in the smallest, most careful voice she had used during the entire conversation.

"Someone’s following me, Adri."