Chapter 43: My Best Friend Asked Me to Stay Away From Her

Adrián arrived at Kuoh’s campus at eleven-forty.

He parked Silvano’s black car three blocks away from the main building—he didn’t want to show up in an unfamiliar car and draw attention—pulled up the hood of his hoodie, and walked the last few blocks with his head down and his hands in his pockets.

The campus looked exactly the same as always.

Students walking between buildings.

Groups sitting on the grass.

Someone playing guitar somewhere in the central garden.

A group of girls laughing.

The smell of coffee drifting from the café in the building next door.

Everything normal.

Everything human.

And some small part of Adrián’s mind realized just how much he had missed this.

Even though it had only been nine days.

He reached the central courtyard.

Stopped in front of the large tree.

The bench was empty.

He sat down.

Pulled out his phone.

11:47.

Thirteen minutes early.

He put the phone away.

Ran both hands through his hair.

Looked at the grass.

The tree.

The Social Sciences building.

The bench.

The shoes of two girls who walked past arm in arm, talking about an exam.

He sat there.

11:50.

11:55.

12:00.

Yuki appeared on the garden path.

Adrián saw her from a distance.

She was alone.

No backpack.

No food container.

Her hands clenched tightly at her sides.

The cream-colored knit sweater hanging slightly off one shoulder.

Her bangs covering her eyebrows.

Her honey-colored eyes wide open.

She was walking slowly.

Very slowly.

As if every step took effort.

She stopped in front of the bench.

"Hi."

"Hi, Yuki."

"..."

"Sit."

Yuki hesitated for two seconds.

Then sat down.

At the opposite end of the bench.

Far away from him.

Knees together.

Hands tightly clasped in her lap.

Silence.

Adrián glanced at her from the corner of his eye.

Yuki’s eyes were swollen.

Not badly.

Someone who didn’t know her well probably wouldn’t have noticed.

Adrián had known her since they were eight.

"...Yuki."

"Adri."

"..."

"I want to talk first. If you don’t mind."

She swallowed.

"It’ll be easier."

"Okay."

"...Okay."

Yuki breathed.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

She brushed a hand through her bangs.

Adjusted the sweater over her shoulder.

Looked at the large tree.

"Adri, I..."

She closed her eyes for a second.

"I didn’t come here to fight."

Her fingers tightened in her lap.

"I didn’t come here to make a scene. I didn’t come here to demand explanations I already know you’re not going to give me."

She breathed again.

"I came here to tell you something."

Her voice became quieter.

"And I’m going to try to say all of it before you interrupt me, because if you interrupt me, I don’t think I’ll be able to finish."

"Okay."

"...Okay."

Yuki took another breath.

"Adri. We’ve been friends since we were eight."

She looked down at her hands.

"I know you."

A pause.

"I probably know you better than you know yourself."

Adrián said nothing.

"And all these years, I always knew there were things you didn’t tell me."

"Elena."

"Your dad."

"The nights you didn’t sleep."

"I knew."

Her voice trembled slightly.

"And that was okay."

"I was willing to stay beside you even if you didn’t tell me everything because I..."

Her voice cracked.

She stopped.

Tried again.

"Because I thought eventually you would trust me."

A pause.

"When you were ready."

"Yuki—"

"Don’t interrupt me."

"Sorry."

Yuki breathed through her nose.

"These last two weeks..."

Her hands tightened again.

"These last two weeks, I watched you change."

Adrián went still.

"In the strangest way."

"Not physically. Physically, you look the same."

"But something..."

She searched for the words.

"Something about the way you walk."

"The way you breathe."

"The way you look at things."

"Like you’re noticing information you never noticed before."

"Like you’re always..."

She frowned.

"Scanning everything."

"..."

"At first, I thought it was stress."

"That losing your sister was hitting you hard again."

"That it was the new city."

"That it was anything."

She swallowed.

"But then I saw the girl with the red pigtails."

Adrián felt his chest tighten.

"And then you avoided me for an entire week."

"Yuki, I—"

"And then I went to the pool hall to apologize."

Her voice shook harder now.

"Because I realized I was the one who had treated you badly in the courtyard."

"Not you."

"And I found you with another girl."

Adrián closed his mouth.

"Another girl."

Yuki stared straight ahead.

"Sitting on the pool table."

"Drinking wine at three in the afternoon."

A pause.

"And you had your hand around her waist."

"Yuki, that girl—"

"No, Adri."

Yuki shook her head.

"Don’t explain who she is."

Adrián went silent.

"I don’t want to know."

She finally looked at him.

"I really don’t."

"Because any explanation you give me is just going to make me feel worse than I already do."

Her mouth trembled.

"And I don’t want to feel worse."

"..."

Yuki turned fully toward him.

Her honey-colored eyes were full of tears now.

They hadn’t fallen yet.

Yuki was good at holding herself together.

She always had been.

Adrián had watched her do it a thousand times since they were ten, in a thousand different situations.

This was the worst.

"Adri."

"Yeah, Yuki?"

"I need to step away."

Adrián went completely still.

"..."

"Not forever."

She immediately shook her head.

"I’m not saying it as a threat."

"I’m saying it because it’s true."

She looked down.

"I need space."

"I need to stop seeing you every day."

"I need to stop bringing you bentos."

"I need to stop checking my phone every five minutes to see if you texted me."

Her voice cracked again.

"I need to stop crying in my bathroom because I saw some girl sitting on a pool table with you."

"..."

"I’m not your girlfriend, Adri."

A tear finally slipped free.

"I never was."

"I don’t have the right to demand anything from you."

"And I’m not demanding anything."

She wiped the tear away quickly.

"But I also can’t keep being the friend who waits for you on the courtyard bench with food like nothing happened."

"Because I’m not like that."

Her voice became smaller.

"I feel things."

"And things hurt me."

"And this is hurting me."

"Yuki, wait—"

"Adri."

"Yuki, let me explain—"

"No."

"Yuki—"

"NO, ADRI."

Yuki had never raised her voice at him.

Not like that.

Not once in eleven years.

Adrián froze on the bench.

Yuki covered her face with both hands.

Took a long breath.

When she spoke again, her voice was softer.

More broken.

More honest.

"Don’t explain."

She lowered her hands slightly.

"Please."

"Because anything you tell me right now is going to make me believe you."

Adrián stared at her.

"Because I always believe you."

Her eyes closed.

"And I can’t let myself believe you today."

"Because if I believe you today..."

Her voice trembled.

"...tomorrow I’ll be back on this bench waiting for you with a food container."

Another tear slipped down.

"And I can’t do that anymore."

"I can’t."

Adrián said nothing.

He didn’t know what to say.

Yuki lowered her hands.

Adjusted the sweater over her shoulder for what had to be the tenth time.

Wiped her eyes with her sleeve.

"Maybe when you’re ready."

A pause.

"Maybe when you can tell me the truth."

Another.

"Maybe when that red-haired girl isn’t part of your life anymore."

She looked away.

"We can talk again."

"We can see."

"Yuki."

"Yeah?"

"Don’t go."

"Adri."

"Please."

He leaned forward.

"Don’t go."

"Just listen to me for one second."

"One second."

"Then you can decide."

Yuki hesitated.

She looked at the bench.

At the grass.

At Adrián.

Her honey-colored eyes filled with unshed tears.

"One second," she said.

"Then I’m leaving."

"Okay."

Adrián breathed.

He looked at Yuki.

And he had no idea what to say.

He had all the information in the world.

He knew exactly what Rhea was.

What Ishtar was.

Who the woman in the pool hall had been.

He knew about the contract.

About Marina Ríos.

About Nikolás.

About the Thief’s Mask.

About the five new-moon victims.

About Sariel.

About the three factions.

About the Alastor retinue.

About Kael shoving him.

About Lira and the four hundred birds.

About the pulse that had shaken three noble Houses.

He knew everything.

And he couldn’t say any of it.

Nothing.

Because every piece of information he gave Yuki would be another piece that could put her in danger.

And Adrián knew—

Rhea had told him.

Ishtar had told him.

Silvano had told him.

Kael had told him.

Even Lira had told him, in her own way—

that the other factions already knew he existed.

And they were going to look for him.

And they were going to look for the things he cared about.

And Yuki was what he cared about.

Adrián realized it right there.

On the courtyard bench.

Looking at Yuki with tears filling her honey-colored eyes and her fingers clenched around the fabric of her cream-colored sweater.

Yuki was what he cared about.

And there were no words he could say that wouldn’t hurt her more.

So he did the only thing that didn’t require words.