Chapter 694: Two truths and a hickey

Cass bubbled the water at his lips, watching as the bubbles gurgled up. His body was warm, loose, and his eyes watched the others from his corner.

Lucian, Gideon and Edgar were together. They had gravitated towards each other, chuckling and touching each other and Cass? Well, he was a little in his head again. Why?

He was feeling a little bitter about the state of his body, and then feeling bitter about how he had to fix it. Not that he was opposed to the others touching him, but while it had been easy to go along with the flow earlier, he was feeling a little bitter now.

He had to use his vagina. There, he’d said it out loud. His vagina. Cass had one. He was probably one of the few men who had a homegrown, au naturelle, vagina. He was sure there were other men out there who had them, but they didn’t also had a natural dick as well.

Cass grumbled, but because it was under the water, none of the others heard it.

He watched as Edgar fawned over the other men, touching their chests, straddled between the two of them. Gideon was looking at him with clear adoration, which made total sense.

The man had liked Edgar since time immemorial. He had probably never known a time when he hadn’t liked Edgar. Cass wasn’t even jealous that the two had such a bond because he more often found it annoying when they ganged up on him, and then sweet when he caught them.

Lucian was looking at Edgar with a sweet expression as well, but it was different. There was just something that couldn’t match the way that Gideon was looking at Edgar, and honestly, Cass would have been jealous if both men looked at Edgar the same way.

He would have wondered why he was even here, kind of like what he was doing at the moment, but sadder.

Edgar had his back to Cass, his hands on the other men, his laughter bright. He was envious of Edgar and his normal body. Not jealous, not angry, just...a little bitter, Cass guessed? Edgar didn’t have to worry about the shit that he worried about. He could just...be a man, drink some blood, and be done with it.

He knew it wasn’t that simple. Cass wasn’t an idiot, he was just...moody.

He was the one who had separated himself from the others. He was the one watching them, not participating. He was the one putting himself in a sour mood. He knew, logically, that if he went over they would welcome him with open arms, but emotionally? Cass was going through it.

He was finally admitting he had a vagina, that it needed to be fucked, and that he could get pregnant as far as his doctor was concerned. At this point he might as well let Lucian bite him, get fucking married and have 2.5 dragon babies.

That would be a happy ending, wouldn’t it?

Cass’ chest ached as soon as the angry thought crossed his mind. No, that wasn’t-that wasn’t fair to Lucian. If he just let the man bite him with such a half-assed thought it would hurt everyone. That wasn’t what Cass wanted. He was just feeling sad. He was...

He was mourning what he’d been.

He sighed, blowing more bubbles from his corner of the bath. His eyes moved away from the trio having a good time and towards the tub. Lucian had done a good job. The tiling was nice, the bench under his ass was sturdy. It was smooth, but not slippery. Cass could spend a lot of time contemplating here. He could feel it.

A sudden wave of warm water had him sputtering, coughing as it went up his nose. Laughter followed it as Cass sat up straight, wiping his face clean.

"What are you doing over there with such a sour look on your face?" Edgar asked, his blue eyes bright. Cass glared at him, pushing his now wet hair out of his face.

"Leave me alone, Edgar." Cass snapped, then froze at the way that Edgar’s eyes grew immediately hurt. Fuck. He wanted to apologise immediately but the words caught in his throat. Lucian frowned, Gideon looking shocked and before Cass could apologise or flee, Lucian was there.

He wasn’t sure how the man had moved so quickly and silently in the water, but there he was. His arms coming out to enfold Cass, pulling him against his wet, slippery chest.

"Hey, what’s wrong? You don’t normally snap at Eddie, just me." Lucian asked, his eyes full of concern. "Are you upset? Do you not want to go through with what we’re going to do after our bath? Are you scared again? Tell me what’s wrong, Cass." Lucian asked and Cass scowled. He didn’t want to tell them because he knew that they would get upset. He wanted to push them away, wanted to get angry again but...

That wouldn’t help anything.

"I’m just feeling moody." Cass admitted as Lucian pulled him into his lap and turned them until Lucian’s back was against the tile, sitting where Cass had been only seconds before. He tucked Cass against his body, supporting him carefully, like he was important to him. Cass bit his lip. Fuck.

"So you snapped at Edgar?" Lucian asked and Cass frowned.

"I didn’t want to do that." Cass admitted. "He’s done nothing wrong." Cass said.

"It’s okay." Edgar whispered. "You can get mad at me sometimes. I’m fine." That response alone told him that it wasn’t fine. Cass frowned more, before he knew that he couldn’t keep all of this inside of him. They had worked through so much, he’d already fucking cried today, he should just...

"I’m bitter about how my body is changing." Cass said. "Talking about what Gideon was conflicted about earlier got me thinking and it pulled me down into this line of thought. I’m bitter that I’m a man and I have a vagina. Not only that, it can carry a life and I didn’t have a choice in it. I was fine, I promise I was, but thinking about how I’m not even half of the man I was before now is just..." Cass felt ridiculous even saying this out loud. "I didn’t want to bother you guys with this. I’m sorry."

"You’re not bothering us." Lucian told him immediately. "I like when you tell us what’s bothering you. We can’t help you otherwise." Lucian was being sweet, soft. Cass didn’t feel like he deserved it. "It’s a lot to take in, isn’t it?" Lucian asked and Cass squeezed his lips together in a firm line, holding back his emotions. He gave a nod. "That’s okay, Cass. You’ve been doing remarkably well, keeping it together as long as you have. You’re allowed to be angry and bitter and upset. I’m sure Cassian was, which probably helped protect him in a way. He was able to keep anyone away who would ask too many questions. You’re just...falling on old habits." Lucian told him gently.

"Exactly." Gideon spoke up, and Cass glanced over. Gideon was carrying Edgar over, closer to them. Cass winced, but Edgar wasn’t upset. He looked sad. When he was close enough he reached for Cass, taking his hand in his.

"I’m sorry I can’t be more understanding of what you’re going through." Edgar whispered. "I wish I could be. I want to be able to help you and support you. I thought I’d be better at helping you because I know what it’s like to have your body change against its will, but...I guess it’s not the same." Edgar gave a soft, bitter smile that had Cass’ heart breaking. Now why the hell had he snapped at the poor, sweet thing? He felt like an ass.

"No, Eddie. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lashed out. You weren’t...you weren’t even doing anything. I was just bitter because all of you can be as masculine as you want. You don’t have to worry about the same things I do. You don’t have to worry about getting pregnant or making the world end." Cass said. Edgar squeezed his hand.

"You don’t have to worry about that on your own either, Cass. We’re here. We’ll support you. You’re...You’re ours, Cass, the same way we’re yours." Edgar’s face was bright red as he said that. "So your worries are our worries, and vice versa." He squeezed Cass’ hand. Cass was a little flustered by his words. He didn’t notice Lucian leaned in until his face was pressed against Cass’, rubbing against him like a damn animal scent marking him.

"Exactly." Lucian growled. "You’re not alone, and it’s not like you’re getting pregnant by anyone else but us." He seemed to upset himself as he said it.

"Lucy’s right." Gideon piped up. "I wish there was another way to feed you so that you wouldn’t worry about pregnancy, but if we want to help you confront your grandfather and support Christopher the way that you want to, this is our only solution to speed that up. I’m sorry that there is no way to make it so that I couldn’t impregnate you without drugs." Gideon sounded so sincerely apologetic that Cass felt his anger fading.

He hung his head, embarrassed.

"I feel undeserving of your kindness and care." Cass admitted and Lucian rubbed his face against Cass’ harder. Edgar squeezed his hand tighter, too tight, actually.

"There is no way." Edgar breathed. "You’ve been so patient with us, and forgiving. There aren’t that many people who would do the same. I know Sam hasn’t fully forgiven us for what we’ve done, how we’ve treated you. We’ve got a long way to go, and you are deserving of the damn world, Cass. Don’t say that. It’ll make me feel terrible." Edgar pleaded.

"Exactly." Lucian growled. "Don’t speak so poorly of my future bond mate." He sounded offended.

"I second what both of them said." Gideon agreed seriously. "And if you’re so upset about how your body is shaping, just remember that the body that you’ll have after this is yours. This is just your second body. I’ve done research and it should only come out when you’re underfed. Once it’s developed, you’ll probably never have to worry about it again. We’ll never underfeed you." Gideon promised. "But, if you’re so worried, I’m happy to train you so that you are happier in your body. You won’t be as fragile anymore. You’ll be able to gain muscle." Gideon’s words made Cass emotional all over again.

"Fuck, I’m so damn needy." Cass belittled himself and received a warning growl from Lucian.

"You are, but I don’t like the way you said that." Lucian warned. "I like you needy. It makes me feel like you need me. That’s not a bad thing. It’s our job to provide and make your life easier. You’re ours, Cass." Lucian promised. It felt a bit like a threat hearing it from Lucian in that growly voice of his.

"Okay, okay. I get it." Cass relented and Lucian leaned in, sucking on the tender skin of Cass’ throat until it burned. "Ow!" Cass exclaimed and Lucian pulled back, his eyes fierce.

"If we were bonded, I would have bitten you again. Foolish man. This is a warning mark. We don’t hit our weaker bond mates when they do something stupid, but we make sure that their bodies never forget." It was a warning and a promise wrapped in one. Lucian was sweet and supportive, until it came to Cass degrading himself.

Cass had nothing to say to his words nor the heated look in his orange eyes. Instead he felt the pulsing, hot mark on his neck like the warning that it was.