Becoming a Monster

Chapter 521: Chapter 520: You Don’t Decide

Varkesh didn’t answer her.

His body moved before he could think.

His hand shot out, grabbing her wrist before she could pull it away completely. The force wasn’t strong, but it was enough to stop her from creating distance between them.

"...You don’t get to say that." His voice came out rough and unsteady, but there was nothing weak about the grip he held on her.

Gwen froze.

For a moment, she didn’t try to pull away.

"Forget you?" he continued, his breathing uneven as he forced himself to meet her eyes again. "After everything... You think I can walk away like that?"

His grip tightened slightly; for someone like the old Gwen, whose physique was noticeably frail, the pressure behind his hold would have been enough to make her flinch.

But she didn’t. There was no reaction of pain.

Instead, her gaze dropped to where his hand held her, quietly acknowledging the difference for what it was.

She had changed.

When she looked back up at him, something in her eyes had shifted.

And yet Varkesh was too emotional to notice.

"I came here to take your place."

The pitch of his voice began to rise.

"If someone had to stay, it was supposed to be me."

Gwen’s unreadable expression deepened.

"If you think I’m going to leave after this..." he shook his head. "Then you really don’t understand me at all."

Gwen didn’t like the way this was going. But it was too late. Before she could turn him away, Varkesh looked towards Noah.

His eyes flashed with a hidden hatred, but it disappeared just as quickly.

"Please!" He suddenly kowtowed headfirst, slamming his forehead into the ground.

"Make me just like her. I don’t care what I become, or what you do with me. I can be your most loyal soldier. Or..." He lifted his head, daring to meet Noah’s gaze head-on.

"Even a mindless beast... I’ll do whatever it takes, whatever is needed. Just let me stay with her."

Slap*

—

Silence followed the sharp, clean crack of Gwen’s hand striking across Varkesh’s face.

Her chest rose and fell with heavy breaths, her expression darkening as something harsher settled over her features.

There had been no restraint behind the strike. Even with her slender frame, the force behind it was enough to leave Varkesh disoriented, his vision spinning as his head snapped to the side.

For a moment, he couldn’t even process what had happened.

"...Gwen...?"

The name left him weakly as he looked back up at her.

He didn’t get the chance to say anything else.

The same vines that had wrapped around him moments ago surged forward again, but this time there was nothing gentle about them.

They coiled around his body and tightened before flinging him away without hesitation, sending him crashing across the ground several meters away.

He hit the ground hard.

Pain shot through him again, but it didn’t compare to the way his chest tightened as he forced himself to look back at her.

Gwen didn’t intend to follow up on the attack.

Her gaze remained fixed where he had been standing, her expression cold in a way he had never seen before.

"Don’t embarrass yourself." Her voice sounded almost detached.

"There’s no value in what you’re offering."

Each word came out as if she had already distanced herself from everything he had just said.

"I didn’t heal you because I cared. I healed you because you still have a use."

Varkesh’s chest tightened, his mouth locking into place. His nails dug deep into the ground as he listened.

He didn’t believe what she was saying at all. He knew she was doing this to get him to leave, to protect him because she cared. He knew...

But hearing it still caused so much pain.

When he looked into Gwen’s eyes, searching to see if he could see past her charade, his body went cold.

Whatever warmth had been there before was gone.

"If you’re going to throw your life away," she continued, "then at least do it for something that matters."

Her gaze didn’t waver. "Leave this place. Take what you’ve seen here back with you. That’s the only thing you’re worth right now."

The words came out sharper than before. Varkesh could sense that there was an underlying threat behind it.

"Don’t mistake what I’ve become for something that still needs you. I’m not the same person you once knew. That naive elf is dead, and so is the history between you and her."

For just a moment, as her vines loosened at her side, there was the faintest tremor.

Gone before Varkesh could even notice.

—

Varkesh didn’t move at first. He remained where he had fallen.

His gaze locked onto her as if he was still trying to find something familiar in her expression, something that would prove that this was all an act he could see through if he just looked hard enough.

His fingers tightened against the ground before slowly loosening again, his nails dragging through the dirt as he struggled with his inner conflict.

"That’s not..." His voice came out weaker than he intended, trailing off as he tried to steady himself. "That’s not true."

He shook his head, forcing out a breath that did nothing to calm him. "You don’t mean that."

The words felt hollow the moment he said them.

Gwen didn’t respond. She didn’t look away, and the glimpse of Gwen underneath the cold exterior never showed. She stood there, watching him with that same distant gaze that had replaced everything he had known about her.

That silence did more damage than anything she had said.

Varkesh’s shoulders slowly sank as the resistance left him slowly, as if something inside him was breaking apart under a pressure he couldn’t push back against.

"...I see."

The words came quietly this time.

When he lifted his head again, there was no anger left in his expression. The desperation that had driven him moments ago had faded, leaving behind something far more dangerous in its place.

"I meant what I said."

His voice steadied, but it carried none of the fight it had before. "I came here for you. Everything I did... it was because of you."

His gaze drifted briefly, unfocused, before settling back on her.

"There’s nothing for me to go back to."

There was no bitterness in the statement; he spoke of himself as if he were truly nothing. And that just made it that much harder to listen to.

"The others... they only accepted me because of you. My place was never mine. It was something I had because you were there."

His hand lifted slightly, his eyes following the movement as if he was seeing it from a distance.

"My goals... my reasons... all of it was tied to you."

He let out a slow breath, the sound almost empty.

"I don’t have anything without you."

For a moment, his expression shifted, something softer breaking through the numbness that gave him the strength for what he was about to do.

"I care about you," he said, the words coming more naturally than anything else he had spoken. "I always have."

There was a brief pause before he continued, his gaze never leaving hers.

"I loved you."

The confession didn’t carry the same emotional weight it should have. It wasn’t desperate, or pleading, or even hopeful. It was as if he had already accepted that it didn’t matter anymore, accepting that the Gwen he knew really was gone.

"And if you’re not her anymore..."

His claws extended slowly from his fingers. "Then there’s nothing left for me."

He didn’t hesitate.

His hand drove forward, aimed straight for his chest with a speed that left no room to react.

Gwen’s body tensed, her eyes widening as the motion registered, but she didn’t move in time to stop it.

Something else did.

His wrist was caught mid-motion. Varkesh’s body jolted from the sudden resistance, his arm trembling as he tried to force it forward, but it didn’t move even an inch.

"...Why?"

The question came out strained as he looked up, confusion overtaking everything else when he met the eyes of the very monster that had nearly killed him moments ago.

The rush from his own attempt had drowned out everything else. He hadn’t even realized his wrist had already been broken.

Only now did the pain begin to surface, a deep, pulsing throb that spread through his arm as his body caught up to what had been done to it.

Kratos didn’t release him.

There was something different in his gaze this time. There was a sharpness there now, something that bordered on anger.

"You don’t decide to die." His grip tightened just enough to make the statement clear.

Varkesh froze, his thoughts stalling as the words settled in. He looked from Kratos to his own trembling hand.

Kratos continued to watch him, making sure he understood.

No one disobeyed Noah’s will.

Noah had granted only himself the order to be able to kill the tiger if the need arose. If the tiger killed himself, that would be no different than forcing him to fail the order he was given.

Varkesh didn’t know what to say. His jaw dropped with a blank stare as his mind blanked.

Everything had already been taken from him. And now... even the choice to die wasn’t his own anymore.