Because I Cannot Hurt You

"...How did you find me?" Zizi quietly asked.

"I have actually been an idiot. I should have figured it out way sooner," Yunru smiled. "You like beaches a lot. Whether it was that you met me in my worst state here before, and that night made you realize your feelings for me, or it was our date on a beach in Shanghai; you like them because they hold meaning to you now. So, I figured you will be here. The only question is how, and I think I got the answer to that too."

Zizi instinctively touched her ear.

"Yes. I wondered how you got here without any money on you. Walking here from home was too far fetched, so you had to take a cab. But you don't have money, so you gave your earrings to the driver as payment, right? Your ears are empty now. They weren't before. It's Princess Han Zizi we are talking about. They aren't cheap earrings at all. The driver must be celebrating."

Zizi looked at the sea again. She was expressionless as she whispered, "I am not a Han anymore. I was never a Han."

Silence.

"Is that what you think?" Yunru asked.

"It's the truth."

"It's because Uncle Tian and Aunt Liqin aren't your biological parents?"

She said nothing.

He slowly took her hand in his and said, "You ARE a Han. You always were. You are Han Zongying's daughter. If you are thinking of blood relations to judge this, then you are a Han."

She stiffened.

"Are you mad at them for hiding this from you?"

Zizi pulled her legs more inward as she bit the inside of her lip hard. Her countenance seemed to finally crack a bit as her eyes got blurry.

"...I don't know," she choked.

Yunru shifted closer to her and pulled her head on his shoulder. "Then why?" He quietly asked. 

She wanted to say a lot of things but couldn't. She had a lot of things to express, but didn't know where to start.

"Just let out everything that you are thinking, Princess."

His warm, soothing voice echoed in her ears, and the tears from her eyes streamed faster than before.

"...Why is she my mother? I don't want her to be my mother," she broke down, "Why was I born to a woman who was plain selfish? W-why wasn't I born to Mo-...Aunt Liqin? Why is it her blood in me? Why am I the daughter of a woman w-who ruined everybody's lives!? I feel pathetic. Even though she was wrong, she c-cursed my birth...Why? I didn't do anything wrong. Why did she hate me? I should be the one h-hating her! S-she destroyed everything for everyone!"

Her shoulders trembled. She cried hard, the sound of her grief shook the night air. It's as if the waves crashed harder in a fury for her suffering.

"Why...wasn't I wanted? I lived my whole l-life with pride. Others were always envious of me. But I wasn't a child anybody wanted...I am someone born out of hatred, insanity and force," her eyes stung, and her heart twisted in pain. "Why...did it have to be like that? Why wasn't I born like bro did? Why weren't my parents happy? Why did it have to be so miserable for me? I lived my life with my head held high…" she gasped and choked, "B-But now I have become the laughing stock...Why did my whole identity have to change like that!?"

Yunru said nothing. He knew she had a lot of things bottled up in her heart. This was just the tip of the iceberg.

"Haha...I always treated Caihong as my sister. I never knew she would really turn out to be my sister. Do you understand how that feels? Everything has turned upside down. I hate it. I don't want her to be my mother who f-forced Uncle An that night. I don't want it to be like this at all! And you know what the worst part is?"

Zizi clenched her fists hard. The next words felt like thorns to her heart. She felt disgusted just even thinking about it, but the more she thought about it, the more she felt it was true.

Her eyes became wetter as she stammered. "I-I...I am just like her."

Yunru widened his eyes. Until now, he understood everything she said and also why she felt that way.

But she was like Han Zongying? What made her think like that?

"The worst part is that I am j-just like her. Selfish and arrogant. I proved that I am really her daughter because I am following her footsteps…"

"What are you talking about, Princess?" Yunru was confused.

Zizi bit her lip hard. "Don't act ignorant! Don't deny the truth to make me feel better. Am I...am I not like her? She forced Uncle An to be with her e-even though he was married. Even if his wife has passed away, he still loved her, but Han Zongying still forced him."

Yunru frowned. "So? What does it have to do with you?"

She withdrew from his embrace and looked away.

"Don't you see that our situation was the same? Didn't I force you to date me after you broke up with Shuang? You still have feelings for her, but I still went ahead and put the ring on your finger. Isn't this so similar to what she did with Uncle An? Doesn't that mean that I am... just like her? I did exactly what she did in the past!"

Yunru blinked his eyes. Then he rapidly blinked them as it finally registered in his brain.

"I didn't care about your feelings and jumped at the first chance I got. I know I shouldn't have, but I didn't care because I wanted you at any cost!"

I wanted you at any cost…

Suddenly, Yunru felt his cheeks burning red in shyness. He touched them.

I am not having a fever, right?

Then he turned towards her and smacked her head. "You are really.... It's completely different! How can you even compare our situation with theirs? You are not like Han Zongying at all!"