Because I Cannot Hurt You

This was the second time that Zhiyuan saw her act so ferociously. The first time was when she had slapped Han Guang and now because he read her diary.

"Xinyi, I only did this so that we could sort out the misunderstandings between us. I want to make things right between us, and it wouldn't be possible until everything comes out. You tell me. If I had been hiding such important things from you, wouldn't you feel hurt too?"

"I-I don't want to listen to anything!"

She snatched her diary from his hand and said, "I will never write in a diary again!"

"..."

To think that the Xinyi he knew would act so unreasonable akin to a child. Surely, it was a grave invasion of her privacy, but he thought that she would understand if she knew where he was coming from.

"You hurt my feelings by reading my diary!" Her eyes were slightly red and her voice was full of complaints. "How could you do this to me?"

Zhiyuan was speechless.

So this hurts you more than the incident?

At that moment, he really wanted to open her brain and see it for himself.

Xinyi turned when he caught her wrist again. "Where are you going?"

She glared at him. "We are done talking!"

"..."

"No, we are not done talking, Xinyi."

She looked at him indignantly and asked, "So answer my question honestly. If the answer is yes, I will leave. If it is no, then I will stay and listen to you."

He nodded.

"That night in the hospital when you cried and said all those words to me - about removing the thorn from my life, had you thought of divorcing me?"

"..."

Zhiyuan choked a bit and how he wished he could go back in time and rewrite the scene again.

He coughed. "Of course not-"

"Don't lie to me!"

His mouth twitched. 

"Xinyi I felt-"

"Yes or no?" She sharply asked.

There was no turning back from this. He lowered his head and mumbled. "...Yes."

Tears rimmed in her eyes even more. "S-so you really wanted to divorce me…"

Zhiyuan hastily said, "That was in a rush of emotions, Xinyi. I told you right? How I felt selfish for not wanting to leave you. But after realizing the cause of your misery, I felt I don't deserve you anymore. It was better that you get free from me-"

"That is not for you to decide! I was hurt, so I should be the one making the decision, not you."

He furiously nodded. "True, true. I did realize it later-"

"How could you forget Siying?" She accused him.

"That was-"

"Did you ever stop to think how Siying would feel to see his parents separate?" Thinking about her son filled her heart with anguish. "Did you forget how he worked hard to unite us in the picnic? Did you forget your promise of a happy family to him?"

He nodded. "Xinyi, I realized I was wrong-"

"Yet you thought about divorce! You really thought of separation!"

"..."

Xinyi is not letting me talk at all…

"What did you want to achieve by doing this? Did you really think that signing on those papers would have made me happy?"

Zhiyuan took a deep breath. "Xinyi, I understand I was at fault. But I swear it was just initially that I couldn't help but think that way. If you were in my position, what would you have done? I know how you hate being a trouble to others. You would have definitely thought the same as me at least in the beginning."

That shot straight to her heart.

Her red cheeks puffed up even more than more. "I don't have to answer for a hypothetical situation that has not happened!"

Zhiyuan - "..."

In short, what I said is true. You just don't want to admit it.

Zhiyuan took a step before her, but she took two steps back. She raised her palm in the air and stopped him.

"Since I know now how little value you hold in your life for Siying and me, there is nothing left to talk about."

"No, Xinyi-"

"And then you also read my diary!"

Back to square, he thought.

He never imagined that over everything he had done, she would be so furious about her diary.

"I will never write in a diary again... nobody can be trusted…" she tearfully mumbled to herself.

Zhiyuan choked.

Xinyi turned to leave, but he took two large strides and blocked her way. "I heard what you had to say. I will accept all of your complaints and anger. But will you please give me a chance to speak?"

She gritted her teeth again. "There is nothing to talk to a person who secretly reads someone's diary."

The diary wound ran really deep…

"Leave my way."

She took a step to her left and Zhiyuan took a step to stop too. She moved to the right and Zhiyuan would move to the right too.

She stomped her foot and said, "Leave!"

"Nope."

She turned the other way and this time, Zhiyuan pulled her wrist and hugged her in his embrace. She stiffened.

She jerked her head towards him to complain when her words stopped by a kiss that landed on her lips. The diary fell from her hands in shock and she looked at him, stupefied.

Hm, hm, hm???

Zhiyuan clutched the back of her head and pulled her into an even deeper kiss than before. She felt her brain short-circuit and go poof. His lips yearningly traveled across her lips, capturing every corner. His arm snaked around her waist and pressed their bodies together.

Suddenly, Xinyi heard a child's voice.

"Mama, mama, look at them. What are they doing?" A little boy pointed his finger at them and innocently asked.

"Ssh, ssh!" The boy's mother quietened him. "Don't look at them. I-Ignore them…"

Xinyi didn't even have the chance to choke as her lips were smothered by his kisses. As opposed to her, Zhiyuan didn't seem bothered by somebody catching them and continued as if they were the only ones in the park.