Because I Cannot Hurt You

Her face flushed seeing the sanitary napkins and she looked away in embarrassment. For a boy to do these things for her; she simply wanted to run away. At home, Yunru would help her sometimes by cooking warm meals during her periods and bringing this stuff she needed, but he was her brother so she was used to it.

For a stranger to do this, she felt as if she lost all face. Plus, seeing those other boys laugh at her so much dwindled her self-esteem even more.

"Th-Thank you…" she quickly took the paper bag, not meeting his eyes.

Zhiyuan smiled. "It's okay," he coughed, "I know you must be feeling awkward but please don't be. I am used to doing this stuff for my sister."

She widened her eyes and looked up at him. "Sister?"

"En. Zizi. She is in her first year."

Her eyelids blinked and then it clicked that the boys called him Han Zhiyuan. 

Han...Han Zizi!

"O-Oh! Yes...Zizi and I are in the same class…" she nervously shifted in her seat and said, "We are g-good friends too..."

Zhiyuan tilted his head and curiously looked at her. "Oh wait! Are you Soo Xinyi?"

Hearing her name from his lips strangely erupted a feeling of happiness in her heart. A soft smile tugged her lips. "Yes."

"Oh!" He beamed. "Zizi talked about you many times that she got a new friend in her class. I guess we finally meet now."

He raised his hand forward for a handshake and smile. "I am Han Zhiyuan. I am in my third year majoring in business administration. Thank you for being a good friend to my sister."

Xinyi watched him in a stupor. The radiant smile on his lips took her breath away again. Her hand slightly trembled as she enveloped it into his. His long fingers had almost covered her small hand. It felt soft and warm as he firmly held her.

"I am Soo Xinyi. I am in my first year…I-I am really glad that I'm Zizi's friend. She treats me really nicely."

"I am glad to know that. I know that most of the girls in her class don't like her much," he sighed, "Well, she is a little spoiled, but she has a good heart."

She nodded. "Yes."

"Mostly, all stay with her because of her status, but I am happy that you truly regard her as a good friend. As a brother, I am satisfied."

"No, no. It's my pleasure."

Zhiyuan then turned somber as he spoke, "Also, don't worry about those boys. I am really sorry for what you had to go through. I promise this won't happen again."

Xinyi pursed her lips. She was still a bit traumatized by the incident. "It's okay. You don't have to trouble yourself over this."

"No. It's not okay. This is a serious matter," he sternly said. He patted her head, making her surprised, "Everything will be fine."

The assurance in his mellow voice and his gentle pats on her head made her feel as if all her worries disappeared into thin air. She felt lighter in her chest as she gazed into his beautiful deep eyes. Her cheeks turned slightly red.

She clutched his jacket and realized. "Oh, your jacket. Thank you."

"Keep it with you. You need it," he smiled.

She coughed in embarrassment. She indeed needed it until she would be in the washroom. "Sorry. Don't worry! I will wash it and give it back to you."

He chuckled. "It's okay. You don't have to go through the trouble."

She shook her head. "No. It's the least I can do."

"Bro!"

From a distance, they heard Zizi's familiar voice and saw her running towards them. She huffed breathlessly. "Are you okay, Xinyi?"

She immediately rushed to their spot as soon as she got Zhiyuan's message.

Zhiyuan said, "Good that you are here now. Take Soo Xinyi back."

She fumed. "Those bastards! How dare they laugh at you! Do they think period pain is a joke?"

"Don't worry. I will handle it," he said.

As he was about to leave, he turned and smiled at her. "It was nice to meet you, Soo Xinyi."

She stared at his beautiful profile that looked mesmerizing. Her heart beat faster again. "It was nice to meet you too…"

As she gazed at his broad back and his tall figure drifting away from her, she felt something magical envelope her heart. It was a soft, fluffy and warm feeling that filled her chest with happiness and joy.

What is this feeling?

Zizi waved her hand in front of her. "Hellooo? Where are you lost? Let's go."

She broke out of her stupor. "Y-Yes! Let's go."

Back at home, as Xinyi lay down on her bed, she stared at the ceiling in a daze with a silly smile on her face. She clutched the pillow and giggled to herself, recalling her first meeting with Zhiyuan. She placed her hand on her chest and felt her heart beating loudly.

"Ahhhh!! That was so embarrassing!"

She rolled on the bed, covering her red, shy face with her hands.

"Han Zhiyuan…" she whispered. 

The next day, she got a message that she had to go to the principal's office. She felt anxious and wondered if she did something wrong.

As she stepped in, she saw the group of same boys standing inside with their heads lowered. There were other elderly couples too that looked angry. She stiffened and paled remembering what happened yesterday.

The principal said, "Yes, come in, Soo Xinyi. I heard everything that these boys did," he threw a stern gaze at them. "They would like to say something to you."

One of the elderly women hit on her son's head. "Why are you just standing there? Start talking!"

The other parents glared at their sons too. The four boys bowed and said, "I am really sorry!"

Xinyi was taken aback.

"Sorry for laughing at you."

"We shouldn't have made fun of you."

"It was wrong of us to treat a girl like that!"

"Please forgive us!"

The parents also came forward and apologized to Xinyi on their children's behalf. "We are really sorry! I don't know where I went wrong in raising this idiot son of mine."

She faintly smiled. "It's okay…"

The principal settled the matter with a month's suspension from college along with ordering them to write a thousand-word reflection letter.

As she stepped out, Zizi jumped on her back. "Haha! How was it? Hmph! They deserve it. Good thing that bro brought them in line."

Xinyi widened her eyes. "Han Zhiyuan did?"

"Yup. He complained to the principal yesterday and told him to take strict action against them. If we let them go, these boys never learn their lesson."

It was at that moment that Xinyi realized it. The warm feeling intensified in her heart until she admitted to herself that she had fallen in love with him.

In that embarrassing state, he didn't laugh at her. He admonished the boys and helped her. He even saw to it that the boys got their punishment.

Who wouldn't like a boy like Han Zhiyuan?

I... love Han Zhiyuan.

***

As Zhiyuan read the diary, their first meeting flashed in his mind like it was just yesterday. He clearly remembered that day. 

He silently clutched the diary as he took a sharp breath. He felt as if there were so many emotions rushing within him that filled his heart up to the brim but at the same time, he felt as if there was nothing in it at all.

Because he realized that the woman he loved was already in love with him for nine years.

But that also meant that Xinyi was in a one-sided love for nine years as well.

Nine years…

What must she have felt when she learned about his relationship with Caihong? She fell in love with him, but what did she go through when she met Caihong for the first time?

Zhiyuan slowly turned the page.

9 May 2019.

It was a day after that incident when she went to return Zhiyuan's jacket and met Caihong for the first time.

He lowered his head and brushed his fingers along the page. At some spots, he felt the page was slightly rougher than the rest of the page. 

It was her tears. Her tears that dried up had turned the spots a little different. His heart shook and twisted in pain.

'Haha, Diary...I...I feel so embarrassed haha. Just two days back, I was so happy to realize that I am in love with Han Zhiyuan. You know, everything was so fluffy everywhere.

But today... everything broke apart.

I am so stupid. He is such a gentle and kind man and the dream of every girl in college. Why did I think that my dream would have anywhere to go?

Why did I think that a man like Han Zhiyuan wouldn't have a girlfriend?

I met her. Today I met the woman who made me realize how fruitless my love was.'