Because I Cannot Hurt You

The doctor informed everybody that Xiaosi would be under observation for the night. He would regain his consciousness the next morning. After the news broke out, Caihong remained unmoved for a long time. She didn't break down or said anything.

At the pantry, Xinyi brewed her cup of coffee from the coffee machine. As she stepped out, she bumped into Zhiyuan.

They froze for a moment. 

"I am taking the coffee for her…"

He slowly nodded. His gaze dimmed. "I don't think she would be in any mood, but you have to make her drink it somehow."

Her brows furrowed in distress. "En. I don't want her to get sick."

There was a beat of silence between them. 

"I was thinking of going back home to check on the kids once. I will be back in an hour," Zhiyuan said.

Xinyi said, "Ah, I will go and check on them."

He shook his head. "No, Xinyi. Caihong needs you here more. It's better if you stay here."

She pursed her lips. She wanted to check on Han Huizhong too but…

Xinyi nodded. "Okay."

---

Han villa.

Zhiyuan quietly opened the door to their room but was taken aback not to see the kids on the bed. He frowned.

A maid passed by and he asked, "Where are the kids sleeping?"

"Young master. They are sleeping in the Old Master's room."

He stiffened.

Grandpa's room? Why would they…

Zhiyuan slowly walked towards Han Huizhong room and stood before the door. He was silent for a minute before he softly knocked on the door.

But nobody opened it. Zhiyuan thought that Han Huizhong was back home so he would be in his room. He gently opened the door and saw Siying, Chyou and Leina on the bed.

He looked around but didn't find Han Huizhong anywhere. He felt relieved not to see him because he didn't know how to face him after what transpired. There was pain, anger, sadness and anguish and disappointment in his heart. 

Zhiyuan tiptoed towards the bed and sat beside Siying who slept at the left corner. Leina was in the middle while Chyou slept on the right side of the bed. They breathed evenly, sound asleep.

Seeing the kids sleep so peacefully made his lips curve into a soft smile. He stared at Siying and looking at his adorable son's cheeks puffed up in his sleep, he burst into a chuckle.

"Why are you pouting in your sleep?" He whispered as he lightly poked his cheek. Siying giggled a little.

Zhiyuan put his hand on Siying's head and tenderly patted him. After such a rollercoaster night, Siying's innocent face calmed his uneasy heart.

But when he imagined how he was so close to losing his son three years back, his heart twisted in pain. He couldn't imagine his life without Xinyi and Siying anymore and to know that he had almost lost one of his precious treasures, his gaze turned wet. 

Even when Siying had disappeared a few weeks back, his heart was in his throat the whole time as he tirelessly searched him. As a father, how could he see his child hurt?

And Siying's existence was once in question all because of him. He did something to make Xinyi take that harsh decision and live in guilt all this time.

What had he done to force Xinyi to do that?

He bent and kissed his forehead. "Siying. I am really, really glad that you came into Xinyi and my life. Thank you so much for being born to us."

He pulled the duvet over the children and taking one last look at them, he quietly left the room. He let out a sigh.

Zhiyuan was about to leave but then thought that it would be good to take a change of clothes for Xinyi and Zizi. It would be a sleepless night for all and everybody, including her, would spend the night at the hospital.

He asked the maid to pack some stuff for Zizi while he went back in his room to do the same for Xinyi. A few minutes later, he was done. Then his gaze fell upon Xinyi's study desk and he stared at it.

In a daze, he walked over and stood in front of it. He pulled the drawer and found a small notebook inside it. As he lifted it, he saw the words 'My Diary' embossed on it. He had always seen Xinyi sitting here and writing in her diary many times.

Her diary…

It was her personal diary, so he wondered if what happened three years back was written here or not. But he had a gut feeling that there was. He also remembered that he had seen his name once on some page and was curious to know what she had written about him.

He was sure that something so personal and that had deeply affected her would be definitely a part of this diary. The truth that she had been hiding and refusing to come out with it would be written somewhere within these pages for sure.

His fingers hesitated to open it but in the end, he didn't. He felt at crossroads. It was morally incorrect to read someone's diary and invade privacy like that.

But if he didn't do it, then he would never know what happened because Xinyi would never say it on her own. He had done a huge blunder for sure and he had to know what it was.

How can I live my life not knowing where I went wrong? How can I remain in ignorance for the rest of my life?

He slowly sat on the bed, holding her diary in his palm. He knew that reading it was betraying Xinyi's trust, and she would be angry at him. But he felt he had no choice.

It was time to visit the past once again and this time see it through Xinyi's eyes and learn how she lived her life until now.

Zhiyuan paused for a moment and opened the binder. His heart raced in his chest in nervousness. Xinyi's beautiful handwriting came into his view, and his sight fell upon the words.

'Hello, my dear diary. I am Han Xinyi and would like to be friends with you. Will you hear me out?'