Because I Cannot Hurt You

Shuang closed her laptop and stared at him. "What?"

"I am talking about your lovely boyfriend, Soo Yunru," Xiaosi propped his arm on the table and rested his chin on it.

Shuang stiffened. She looked at him in a daze unblinkingly. "How do you know that?" She asked in a quiet voice.

"Well, I kind of insisted that he tell me. Two men talking about life outside a restaurant. I thought it was a fine time to talk to him because I realized that I didn't really converse with Xinyi's brother that much. I am so happy for you. You found a good man."

She remains silent.

"You know Shuang," his demeanor turned serious, "I know you hate me for asking that favor all those years back. I felt and still feel guilty for using your feelings for me."

Shuang said nothing.

"I know I have hurt you, but I am glad that you found such a nice man. I am happy that you...moved on. Yunru really cares about you."

She trembled. 

Xiaosi looked towards the ceiling and stared at the space. "In my time I stayed abroad, I always wondered if I was still holding you back from living a happy life. I didn't want you to entangle yourself in me anymore. But now that I see you in a relationship with such a good man, I am assured."

Shuang took a breath and smiled at him. "Thank you for your concern, Mr. Zhu. But you are the last person I need it from."

"Hey I am just being nice," he pouted. "He told me that he knows about your feelings for me."

Shuang looked at him, aghast.

"But he still won't stop you from meeting me. I mean, any other man would have felt uncomfortable. Just like how I feel when I see Caihong with Zhiyuan," he smiled. 

Shuang gritted her teeth and banged her fist on the table. She glared at him. "Just tell me straightaway what you want to talk about! Don't go in circles!"

Xiaosi stared at her with a grim expression. "Alright then. If you want me to be straight with you then answer me. Do you still love me?"

Silence.

Her heart loudly pounded in her chest. Her eyes turned slightly red but she didn't let her tears fall. "Did Yunru say anything to you?"

"Does he still need to say anything to me now that I look at your face?"

She bit her lip hard. "Xiaosi, get out."

"Why? Do you want to run away from this conversation just like how you have been running away from Yunru all this time?"

"What!?" She widened her eyes.

"What else should I say, Shuang?" He narrowed his eyes. "You are wasting your feelings on me even after seven years when you already have such a fine man just right beside you. I had already cleared myself that there cannot be anything more than friendship between us. Then why are you still hung up on me? I don't say it's easy to move on, but when you have the best support in your life who will definitely treat you way more precious than I would have, then why are you unable to move forward?"

Xiaosi didn't want to be so harsh to her, but now he felt that his gentleness seven years back could be the cause that made her stop in her steps. He felt that he should have been more firm with her in rejecting her feelings. Maybe then she would have tried to look at Yunru in a different light. 

If his cruelty was necessary to break the cycle of the pain and suffering in Shuang's life that would help her in accepting Yunru, then he would have done that seven years back already.

Shuang chuckled angrily. "You like to be in delusions, don't you? You think I still love you after how you begged before me?"

Xiaosi said, "Then why aren't you accepting Yunru? You are dating him for seven years already. It is high time that everybody knows about you two. Then why are you still hiding your relationship?"

"It is our personal business! You don't have any right to interfere!" She exclaimed.

"I have the right, damn it if it's because of me that you two are still stuck at the same place! Because of me, you are hurting yourself and indirectly, you are hurting Yunru too!"

Shuang gritted her teeth. "You are an idiot, Xiaosi! We are dating but it's just…"

He chuckled. "Casual?"

She stiffened.

"Right on the spot, am I not?"

"Yes!" She admitted. "It is just a casual relationship. You don't have to get so emotional."

His expression darkened. "Do you think a man will stay with you for this long just because it is casual?"

Shuang blinked her eyes at him. "W-what?"

"Get it together Shuang! Are you really this dumb? He doesn't deserve to be treated as you are treating him right now. Do you think Yunru will stay beside you for seven years just to heal your broken heart?"

She blankly stared at him as his words rang in her ears.

Xiaosi got up and flicked his coat. He coldly said, "I am married. I have a daughter and most importantly, I will always love Caihong."

She froze.

"There can be no other woman in my life and nobody else can replace her existence. If it's not Caihong, it cannot be anybody else either. So, stop thinking about me already and throw me out of your heart. Hate me all you want but cut out your feelings for me once and for all. For God's sake, open your eyes and look at the man who has been waiting for you all this time!"

Xiaosi turned and stepped out of her office.

As he shut the door behind him, he let out a deep breath. 

I am sorry, Shuang. I didn't want to be so harsh to you, but you left me with no choice. The sooner you forget me and notice Yunru, the better it will be for everyone's happiness.

---

Yunru finally got off his work and he tiredly sat on his chair. His phone buzzed and he saw Soo Enlai's number calling him.

"Yes, Dad."

"Yunru, my boy! Is your work done?"

"Yeah. Got free just now."

"Great! Come back home right now. We have to discuss loads of things."

"About what?"

"About your engagement ceremony, stupid."

His eyes flew open in shock. "What!? What engagement ceremony?"

"Your engagement ceremony with Zizi. What else?"