Because I Cannot Hurt You

Zhu villa.

Xiaosi said, "She is my mother."

There was no hint of displeasure or discomfort in his voice. Even his expression seemed languid and relaxed. Caihong thought that her mention or seeing this picture would cause some reaction, but it didn't.

"I see…"

There was a beat of silence.

She looked up at him and slowly said, "Nana told me about your childhood."

Xiaosi froze. His eyes widened and he stared at her stunned. "She did?"

"En."

Xiaosi was at a loss for words. 

She quickly said, "If you are angry about it, then please don't blame Nana. I asked her about it, and that's why she told me."

He blinked his eyes. "You did? Why?"

She coughed. "Nothing. I was just curious."

Xiaosi raised his brow and wondered about it. She hated his sight before, and now she was curious to know about his past. In normal circumstances, he would have felt happy. But his past wasn't exactly unicorns and rainbows.

"I see…"

Then he shrugged. "Whatever."

Caihong was taken aback. "You…" she wondered if she should ask or not. "You never told us about your birth."

"What is there to tell? My father was a bastard. My mother was helpless and tortured. Then I was raised in an orphanage. Not exactly a happy story, isn't it?"

"I didn't mean it that way," she anxiously said.

"I know. I am not mad or anything. I didn't tell you because I really felt there was nothing to say about it. Plus, I was tired of people giving me pitiful looks."

She stiffened.

"I, Ah Cy, Liang or-" she was about to say Zhiyuan's name but stopped herself. "...we wouldn't have felt that way for you and you know that."

Xiaosi kept quiet for a moment. "I know that too. But it was the past already. It just never crossed my mind to suddenly bring it up between us."

Caihong gently bit her lip and slowly nodded. He saw another question in her gaze.

"What? Ask it away."

She cleared her throat and carefully observed him. "Your mother. What do you...think about her?"

She wanted to know what Xiaosi thought or felt about her after all these years. Was he angry? Was he hurt?

Silence.

Xiaosi tilted his head. "Nothing really."

"Huh?"

"Yeah. You are asking in terms of her leaving me at the orphanage, right?"

She hesitated but then nodded.

"I don't think much about it now. I don't blame her for abandoning me neither do I feel hurt or angry. She suffered her own deal. There was nothing to be mad at her about. In the end, she got tired of that bastard and me. For four years, she lived with an abusive man and bore the pain of seeing an unwanted child every day. I could hardly blame her for leaving me alone."

Caihong looked at him, stunned. She slightly trembled. 

How could anybody be so understanding? It was hard as hell to live without a parent's love. He was abandoned, knowing fully well that he was going to be alone. 

Even if he could understand her situation, it was impossible for anybody not to put even a little bit of blame, right? It was difficult not to feel even a little bit hurt, wasn't it?

She felt choked up in her throat. Tears threatened to leave her eyes. "Oh…"

Xiaosi took the picture in his hand and stared at it. He faintly smiled. "It's fine now. I have my own life. She is happy in her own life too."

Caihong frowned. "How do you know that?"

"When I built S3 and it became a successful company, I got a lot of connections. So, I searched for my mother just to know how she was doing. I felt it was my responsibility to help her if she was in trouble or would be living in...not so good conditions. But I came to know that she married some rich guy and is happily living with him. She even has two kids from him. The man seems good enough too. Has a good and stable business running."

Caihong was astonished, but it made sense. She started a new life for her, leaving everything behind her.

Even Xiaosi.

She felt uncomfortable thinking of that. She peeked at him and just like before, there was no unease in his demeanor.

She nodded.

Xiaosi kept the pictures back in their place. "I am getting late for the office."

She snapped out of her stupor. "Oh yes. I will leave."

Nobody mentioned last night's kiss. They simply left the moment at that.

He headed for the bathroom when he heard her ask. "If you feel that your father is a bastard for hurting your mother, then why did you do the same thing as him seven years back?"

Xiaosi froze. His back was facing her. His gaze dimmed as he went into a trance.

"It doesn't make sense that you would become like him when you hate him so much."

Xiaosi silently curled his fingers into a fist. His gaze darkened upon remembering that night and teeth ground against each other in hatred.

Without any response, he simply entered the bathroom and shut the door behind him. Caihong stared at the empty space ahead where Xiaosi was standing a few moments ago before she slowly turned and left too.

---

*Knock knock*

"Come in," Shuang said, without raising her head from her laptop. She was focused on coding her game.

"How are you, Shuang?"

The familiar voice finally made her lift her head. She grimaced. "What the hell are you doing here, Xiaosi?"

"Tsk. Tsk," he clicked his tongue and stepped in, smiling at her. "Can I not come to meet my friend?"

He took a seat.

"Why are you here? I don't need your help," she spat in distaste.

Xiaosi laughed. "Now, now, don't be in such a hurry to throw me out."

"You are not exactly a thrilling company to be in."

"Ouch."

He smiled. "Then who is that thrilling company? Your boyfriend?"

She froze.