Because I Cannot Hurt You

He ruffled her head. "Thanks."

Then Zhiyuan slowly asked, "By the way, I was wondering…"

"Hm?"

"Do you know Qin Fuhua?"

Zizi scrunched up her brows and then it hit her. "Ah! Qin Fuhua! He was my classmate! I know him. Why do you ask?"

He cleared his throat. "We met him too at the mall today."

"Oh! What a coincidence."

"Indeed…. *Cough* So what do you know about him?"

She snorted. "Qin Fuhua was a total bad guy of the class. Always getting into trouble. And his favorite target was Xinyi."

He stiffened.

"He used to sit behind her and bully her all the time. It wasn't anything serious though," she laughed, "but that's only when Shuang wasn't around. He didn't dare to trouble her when Shuang was present in class. And because Xinyi was too timid to say anything, she would always suck it up."

His smile faltered. "That sounds like they know each other well."

She shrugged. "Kind of."

Zhiyuan grimaced. Now he felt even worse. Liang was a troublemaker himself, so he knew how girls were attracted to that charm.

Does Xinyi like bad boys like him?

---

Three days later.

"Shuang. I have sent you my designs. Check them and let me know if you want any changes," Xinyi said.

"I have already checked them and man you are one great talented artist," Shuang chuckled. "I loved them and we have already started working on the animation."

She widened her eyes. "So soon?"

"Why not?" From her office, she stretched her shoulders as she yawned.

"Tired?"

"Don't even ask. I was working on some bug and it took an entire night."

Xinyi's sighed.

"By the way, could you drop in by my office today? The animation team would like to check on the coloring part with you."

She nodded. "Yeah sure. Siying is at school today so I am free anyway."

"Cool! Let's meet at my office then."

---

Shuang introduced her team to Xinyi. They were young graduates who had recently joined Shuang's company.

As always, Xinyi would get nervous meeting anybody for the first time. She awkwardly smiled. "Nice to meet you."

Shuang patted her back. "They are younger than you. Don't be so stiff."

A young woman Chu Lin, brightened as she met her. "Mam, I am so happy to meet you! I am totally your fan! We all loved your art here."

Xinyi quickly said, "Don't call me Mam. Xinyi is fine."

The other two young guys also chimed in. "Chu Lin is right. We cannot wait to work on it. The game will be a super-duper hit."

Xinyi smiled, feeling a little shy. "Ah thank you…"

Shuang clapped her hands. "Now now. Get to work. If you need any help, I am at my office."

An hour later.

Xinyi knocked on the door. "Shuang? I am done."

She slowly opened the door and found Xiaosi already seated. "Yo, Mrs. Han," he slyly smiled. "Such a nice day, isn't it?"

Xinyi grimaced. She ignored him and said, glancing at Shuang. "I am done."

Shuang nodded. "Thanks," then she gritted her teeth as she sent daggers at Xiaosi, "If not for the bug, I wouldn't have had to tolerate you."

Xiaosi was unaffected. "Why is your tongue always so poisonous?"

"It's because of your shitty personality."

He shrugged.

Xinyi didn't want to stay any longer. "If you need any help with the design, call me."

"Yup."

Outside, the elevator opened and she stepped inside. As the doors were about to close, she jolted as somebody suddenly put his hand between them. Xiaosi smiled. "Hello, Mrs. Han. Why don't I join you?"

"Let go of the door."

"This elevator doesn't belong to you, Xinyi."

Xinyi pursed her lips and looked away. He chuckled and joined in. The elevator began to descend. Xinyi didn't speak a word while Xiaosi was whistling a tune. "By the way, I heard Caihong went shopping yesterday with you. I am so glad that you are so thoughtful of my wife."

She didn't respond.

"And then you are so good to Chyou too. She was so happy to meet you. She was chattering about you the whole time."

Xinyi glared at him. "I don't want to have any pointless talk with you. Please don't bother me. I just came here for Shuang."

"Tch," Xiaosi smiled. "Hey, I was only wondering what goes on in your heart."

Xinyi furrowed her brows.

"I mean on one hand you love someone else's daughter so much as if you are her biological mother. But on the other hand, it is unbelievable to digest the fact that you had tried to abort your own son three years back."

Xinyi froze. She felt as if every cell of her body ceased to function and her heart stopped beating. Goosebumps crawled on her skin and her eyes slowly widened as his words registered in her mind. Her lips trembled as she tried to speak, but nothing came out.

She slowly turned to look at him, feeling horrified. Even that was an understatement. This was her other tightly guarded secret in her heart. She never confessed this fact to Han Huizhong either. She had strictly kept it to herself.

Even now that moment was as clear as the day when she had visited the hospital for abortion. She was very close to losing her child that day.

But it was fate that she met a lovely woman who had just given birth. Her tiny newborn baby had snapped Xinyi out of her decision to kill her own. She decided to keep the child, but that didn't erase the guilt within her that she did try to kill him at one point.

"You...you, what are you saying…? I-I-"

"Understand everything isn't it?" Xiaosi chuckled. "Just look at your face. I can see the sweat on your forehead. You are trembling and I bet you want to cry."

Xinyi shook. She was too stumped to say anything. 

"Wow, Mrs. Han. I cannot believe that you wanted to kill your child in the past. Especially when…" he took a step closer to her and leaned, "he is the child of the man you love so much. I thought you would be over the moon. But the reality was something else."

Tears threatened to leave her eyes. She would always feel weak and dispirited whenever she thought of that day. She felt stupid about that decision she made in a momentary rush of emotions. But she couldn't take it back.

Xiaosi touched his chin. "Poor Siying. He believes his Mama so much."

She stiffened.

"He loves you so much and thinks that you love him too."

"I love my son!" She yelled as her chest heaved up and down. Her heart tightened in a nauseating feeling.

But her words fell onto deaf ears. Xiaosi continued. "But how pitiful he is. If Siying comes to know this harsh truth one day that he is an unwanted child then-"

Xinyi tremblingly raised her hand to slap him. But Xiaosi effortlessly caught it. He smiled. "Then I wonder what Siying's reaction would be?"

Xinyi turned as white as a ghost. She felt as if her soul left away, thinking that her three-year-old son would know the truth. After all, he was just a child. How will he understand Xinyi's predicament that she faced at that time?

How would she face Zhiyuan? He loved Siying so much. What would he feel when he would realize the truth? How disheartened would he be?

What would she answer Han Huizhong? Even if he was always strict and stern towards Siying, she knew how much he adored him too. His great-grandson was his joy and pride. How would she say that she wanted to kill his pride that day?

*Ding!*

The elevator doors opened to the first floor. Xiaosi chuckled and stepped out. "There comes our destination. Tsk. I was enjoying our conversation so much. Too bad."

Xinyi was in a trance for a long time before she realized that Xiaosi was gone. She jolted and chased after him.

"Xiaosi!"

Xiaosi smiled and kept walking, enjoying her helpless and panicked state.

"Xiaosi!"

Xinyi somehow caught up to him and blocked his way. Her legs shook in fear and her eyes glistened in tears. "You...what do you want to achieve by doing this?"

Xiaosi leaned on the wall. "I thought you would try to deny the truth."

Xinyi bit her lip hard until she tasted the metallic tinge of blood settle on her tongue. "I know there is no use. Y-You must have hacked my record or something."

Xiaosi made a dramatic expression. "How rude Xinyi! Do you think I would do something as immoral as hacking your personal records?" He sinisterly chuckled as he whispered, "Of course I can and I did just that. Bingo!"

Xinyi looked at him, stunned. She gritted her teeth. Her fingers clenched into a fist. "Why would you do that? You have no right to invade my privacy!"

"I am more interested to know as to why you did think of aborting Siying? I always thought of you as a calm and gentle woman with a kind heart. How could a kind woman think of killing her child?" He raised his brow.