Because I Cannot Hurt You

Xinyi hid the glint of pain as quickly as it flashed past her eyes. She didn't have any answer to that question. She smiled and said, "Thank you, Caihong. I know that you are worried about me. But I think...it's already late. Zhiyuan and I…" she left it unsaid.

Caihong lowered her gaze and hesitated. "Xinyi. It's not too late. I am not being a hypocrite here. Everything has ended between Zhiyuan and me. If you had expressed your feelings earlier then you would have been so happier now. There is a long road ahead, Xinyi. There is your whole life in front of you. How can you let it slip through your fingers when your happiness is right beside you."

Xinyi stared at the sincerity in her eyes, and her heart warmed up. She understood that Caihong really meant her words and she couldn't watch her compromising her life like that.

But this was something that Xinyi had already decided upon. She promised herself that her feelings for Zhiyuan would only be a part of her and her diary.

A painful smile slightly curved up her lips. "Zhiyuan doesn't love me, Caihong, and not because of his past with you. He...just sees me as his good friend. That will not change."

Caihong slightly widened her eyes. She touched her chin and tilted her head. "You still say that after seeing what happened today?"

Xinyi furrowed her brows. "Today?"

"When he met Qin Fuhua. Don't you think he acted oddly and too uncomfortable? Though he was trying to hide it."

Xinyi quickly said, "Of course that's because it's weird that I talked about Qin Fuhua this morning and we met today. Anybody would be taken aback."

"..."

"But why would it affect or shock him if he just sees you as his friend?" Caihong raised her brow and questioned. "To me, and I am sure to Liang and Ah Cy too, he seemed really affected by Qin Fuhua's presence. He was stumped to say anything. Even threatened. But maybe you were too busy anxiously thinking about this morning, you couldn't notice his changed demeanor."

Xinyi awkwardly smiled. "I don't understand what you are trying to say…"

Caihong amusingly smiled. "That maybe things aren't the same anymore between you two."

Xinyi blinked her eyes and her heart stopped beating for a moment as she understood her nuance. But she didn't dare hope anything.

Her heart was already broken and shattered into pieces once. She didn't have the courage or have any space in her heart to fill it with hope once again.

Xinyi and lowered her gaze. "That is impossible, Caihong. Zhiyuan and Siying are waiting for me. I should leave."

As she hurriedly stepped out of the room, Caihong pressed the space between her brows and let out a deep sigh. She had already realized that things were slowly changing between them after the cruiser trip. And today Zhiyuan's hesitation and pain in his eyes made it all too clear to her.

Zhiyuan was falling for Xinyi. 

"But their friendship is so deeply engraved in his heart that the fog still remains, clouding him from finding his answer. I hope it clears soon."

---

S3 Company.

Xiaosi was restlessly pacing back and forth in his office, unable to calm down. Never did he imagine that Caihong would find his medicines one day. Nobody was supposed to find out about them, but she did. It was his secret that he desperately wished to hide it from her.

He clenched his fingers into a fist and punched his desk. "Damn it! I...I shouldn't have slept in the room. I didn't know I would get an attack like that in front of Caihong."

He rested his hands on the posh glass table and lowered his head. He saw his pale reflection staring back at him. A dry smile etched his on his lips.

"It's alright Xiaosi. It's just fine. Even if she saw, so what? She simply inquired because it happened all too suddenly. Not like she would probe on this matter. After all, she hates me to her core. I am worried for nothing."

Two contradicting emotions tore his heart apart. On one hand, he was relieved that Caihong wouldn't suspect anything from this just one incident. But at the same time, her indifference clenched his heart in pain.

He tiredly sat back on his chair, rubbing his forehead in pain. He took out his phone and dialed an international number.

"Xiaosi. How are you doing?" A man from the other side spoke. His Chinese had a slight accent of his half foreign ethnicity mixed in it.

"Hey, doc."

"You sound tired. Is everything alright? Are you taking your medicines on time? Are you forgetting them again?" He sternly said.

"I am taking them regularly," Xiaosi faintly smiled. "I had an attack yesterday."

"What!?"

"You will break my eardrums."

"Shut it. How are you now? How serious was it? Wait, I will head to China right now."

"Calm down. It was a normal headache. But it happened in front of Caihong. She saw my medicines too."

Silence.

"Did she question anything?" 

"She did but I...just avoided her. It's okay. She wouldn't bother with it."

He heard a deep sigh from the other end. "Xiaosi, why don't you tell her everything? About the truth and your condition."

Xiaosi smiled. "For what? To get her pity? She wouldn't pity the man who ruined her life and forced a baby on her."

"You had no choice, Xiaosi! She would have died had she aborted Chyou at that time. I still remember the day when you came to ask me if she could abort."

Xiaosi clenched his fist.

"You…even though it killed you to agree to the abortion, you still steeled your heart to let go of your child only because it would have made Caihong happier. You were ready to lose your child you love so much for her sake."

"It's all in the past now."

"No Xiaosi. I cannot watch this anymore. You wanted her to be happy, but in the end, you couldn't do that because her body was too weak to handle the abortion. But how could you see the woman you love die? So you acted as a villain to force her to give birth! As if you didn't care about her at all! But I know how much you care about her!"

Xiaosi heard the sound of his friend's rapid breathing that expressed how angry and helpless he felt.

"Calm down or you will get a heart attack," he teased. "You are too young to die."

"You are the one making my blood pressure rise high! At this rate, I will die because of you rather than a heart attack!"

Xiaosi sighed. "I am sorry."

After a pause, he slightly calmed down and said, "Your frequency of attacks are increasing."

He said nothing.

"You had one when you rushed off to Han villa to take Chyou away and now. This is not good news, Xiaosi."

Xiaosi faintly smiled. 

The man said in exasperation, "Xiaosi, you are too much. Why aren't you treating your condition? Why are you torturing yourself like this?"

"Because there is no need for me to live anymore. Once I achieve my revenge, it would be time to finally pay for my sin for ruining Caihong's life. I don't want anything else."

"You have a daughter, damn it! How can you be so selfish? Why aren't you thinking about her? Does she deserve losing her father at such a young age? You know that you are the only person in her life who loves her. She already doesn't have her mother's love. Do you want to snatch her father's love too? She will be all alone!"

Xiaosi stiffened. He silently took a sharp breath. His eyes slightly stung in tears. A painful smile tugged the corner of his lips. "Don't worry, Jack. I know what to do. I have already thought about Chyou. Even without me, she would be happy."

"You…you are impossible!"

Xiaosi smiled. "Anyway. You don't have to worry about me. Just send me another batch of my medicine."

He sighed. "Alright. What about the doctor I told you to meet in Beijing?"

"I met him," he lied.

"Don't lie! I talked to him and he said that you didn't keep your appointment at all. Xiaosi, you really want to kill me, right?"

"If you know, then why ask?"

"I wanted to know if you would shamelessly lie and you didn't disappoint me."

He chuckled.

"Don't laugh! You are taking your health too lightly!"

"I am sorry. I promise I won't do it again, okay? I will meet him as soon as possible."

"You better do it or I will come back to China and tell Caihong everything."

"Hey, don't give that threat okay!"

"Then take care of yourself."

"I will."

They hung up and Xiaosi shut his eyes. He didn't realize when he drowsed into sleep.