Because I Cannot Hurt You

Caihong noticed his pale expression and frowned. Then she looked away. "I didn't want you to disturb me anymore. Only that's why I tended to you. But the cold wipes didn't help much. So, I found some medicine in your room."

Xiaosi froze. He felt as if his heart stopped beating. "Medicine?"

Caihong showed him the bottle. "This one. It said it can relieve headaches. But I never saw this medicine before."

Xiaosi clenched his left fist under the duvet. 

Damn it. She saw my medicines. 

"I-I see…" he wiped the sweat off his forehead. 

"So what is exactly this medicine?"

Caihong was curious because not only she never heard of it before but they were stacked away in his bathroom cabinet. Usually, people kept medicines on the bedside table or cupboard, not so hidden in the bathroom cabinet.

Xiaosi quickly snatched the bottle away from her, taking her aback. "Nothing. Just a normal headache medicine. Nothing much."

She raised her brow at his changed behavior. She wanted to ask about his sudden illness last night. But she realized that their relationship wasn't like any normal couple for her to be concerned about him. It was already enough that she took care of him last night.

Caihong quickly stood up and impassively said, "I am leaving. I already did what you asked me."

As she took a few steps ahead, she stopped and turned. Her mouth opened to ask him about the things he was mumbling in his sleep.

"I hurt you a lot."

"I am so sorry…"

"I always wished for you to take care of me like this…"

Why did it seem so painful to you, Xiaosi? Why were you making a face like that as if you were about to cry? Why did you say those things after you destroyed everything yourself? I am supposed to be suffering here and I am.

So why were you looking like that, Xiaosi, as if...you are suffering with me too?

---

Han villa.

After the incredible night yesterday, Xinyi was too awake to have any decent sleep. She woke up early and found it a good time to have a conversation with her diary. She didn't find Zhiyuan on the bed.

Maybe he went for a morning walk.

Xinyi opened her diary. Her hands trembled as she poured out her feelings on those pages. A while later, she put down her pen and took a deep breath as she calmed down. Through the open window, a gust of wind fluttered the diary's pages. It opened to the page where Xinyi had confessed her feelings for him.

She faintly smiled and brushed her fingers along the page. As she was lost reminiscing the past, she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Xinyi."

Xinyi froze and slowly turned to see Zhiyuan standing behind her. And the page hiding her secret until now was open right in front of him.

As Zhiyuan's gaze fell upon the open page, his eyes slowly widened. Xinyi saw the change in demeanor and paled. Her heart pounded in her chest in utter panic.

He cannot see it...he cannot read my diary!

She tremblingly but hastily shut the diary and stood up in attention. "Z-Zhiyuan…you returned from your walk." Her smile faltered as she spoke.

Zhiyuan too snapped from his daze. He stared at Xinyi and there was a beat of silence between them that felt as long as a year to Xinyi.

Zhiyuan took a step in front of her. His unreadable gaze made Xinyi made her heart skip a beat. 

"I saw that Xinyi."

She froze. 

"I saw what you wrote there in your diary. This is unbelievable. You actually…."

The more Zhiyuan spoke, the more Xinyi felt as if she lost her strength. She never wanted to let Zhiyuan know about her feelings and now he suddenly read it out of nowhere, exposing them. Her heart wasn't prepared for this.

This cannot be true. What will I say to him? How should I explain myself?

In her mind, she was already thinking of any excuse to dodge his question, but her messed up heart wasn't letting her.

Zhiyuan narrowed his eyes and observed Xinyi. She seemed really anxious for some reason though she was trying to hide it behind her smile.

"So you had a crush on somebody in college."

At that point, she almost collapsed. She forced herself to stay steady.

"Who was that lucky guy?"

"Ah...ah? What?"

Zhiyuan shook his head. "I was this close to reading his name but you shut the diary."

Xinyi was dumbfounded. When Zhiyuan had entered and saw her diary open, he was surprised to see the same page open as that day when he discovered that Xinyi wrote about her feelings for some guy. That shook his heart for a moment.

It's the same page…

He clearly recollected the date and some of the words he had read that day. Unfortunately, the locks of Xinyi's hair fell upon the part where she wrote Zhiyuan's name, so that obstructed his view.

And he couldn't help but give in to his vice. Even though he knew it was wrong to intrude upon her privacy like that, he couldn't help but lean and try to read further to know that man's name. But at that time, Xinyi already closed the diary as he was about to see the name.

Zhiyuan scratched his chin. "Sorry. I shouldn't do that but I couldn't help it. I was really curious to know about him."

Her eyes rapidly blinked trying to process what he said.

So he didn't read it? He didn't see his name?

She fell short of words to describe just how relieved she felt to know that she wasn't exposed. The thudding in her chest finally stopped.

She anxiously laughed. "Oh-oh haha. That's nothing…it's just…"

Zhiyuan felt a distinct uneasiness well up in his chest. He had completely forgotten about that guy. He could only think about what happened between them in the last few days. The lessening distance, the closeness, the kiss… Their relationship was slowly and unconsciously taking a new turn that always filled his heart with unknown happiness and excitement.

But now he felt as if somebody poured a bucket full of cold water on him.