Back Then, I Adored You

Lu Bancheng covered the left side of his chest with his hand as he coughed. He clearly sensed his heart pumping hard, but he did not feel like he was actually alive.

Back then, he knew he had done something wrong; however, if he had not seen for himself what had happened to Xu Wennuan, he would never have known the consequences of the wrong that he had done, and what horrible consequences they were.

No words could describe his happiness when he had learned she was pregnant. He had even begun planning for the baby’s future after he had heard about it but, when he finally saw her, the first thing she had told him was his baby was gone. This huge contrast in emotions had crushed all his hope.

Moreover, the pain and hatred had completely captured his soul. He had been so disappointed in her that, out of rage, he had told her he would have nothing to do with her and had totally cut her out of his life.

He truly had thought that he would never again care about her when he had completely lost his temper. Even later, though, he had found he couldn’t stop thinking about how to help her, and he had to work hard to act as cold as he had toward her. And he had become even more resentful toward her when he had gotten no response from her.

He had been struggling from his crush on her for so long that he had been unable to bear the suffering, but he had just now realized that his suffering was nothing compared to hers.

It had been more than 100 days since we had registered for our marriage certificate, and she had been living with these painful memories that I had been responsible for. I had claimed to have really liked her, yet I had pushed her away from me when she had been at her most vulnerable.

The smoke from the cigarette between his fingers was making his eyes sore. He blinked and looked at the neon lights not far from him. The lights kept changing colors in the background, reminding him about the night she had gone to A University to meet Wu Hao at a cafe. Lu Bancheng had followed her there, and through the cafe window he had watched her crying on the table. He remembered what he had been thinking at that moment.

She had broken up with Wu Hao, but it had been fine. I would give her a fresh start in life and make her happy.

It hadn’t mattered if she liked me or not. I had only wanted her to be happy and seen no reason that couldn’t happen.

But what happened later?

I had taken advantage of her when she had owed Wu Hao a million dollars by forcing her to be with me. I had finally gotten the chance to be close to her, and I had been so happy when we had agreed to marry that I had thought I had dreamt that day.

And what had happened afterward?

I had wanted more from her and had become greedy. I had not only wanted her to stay with me but also love me. I had wanted to hold a spot in her heart. But my greediness had made our relationship go from bad to worse.

Did I love her?

I loved her; however, how could I have hurt her so much if I had loved her?

She had loved to laugh a lot, but she had seemed unable to laugh after she had married me.

Do I love her?

If I did, then why is she not happy?

I had been so angry when I had learned that Wu Hao had hurt her. How much I had hurt her, though, had been no less than how much Wu Hao had hurt her.

Lu Bancheng’s eyes suddenly began to sting. He looked down and stood with no facial expression on his face. He stubbed out the cigarette and walked quickly to his parked car.