Back Then, I Adored You

The doctor took one glance at the money on the table and then looked back at Lu Bancheng with hesitation on his face.

“I am aware of her rough situation, so telling me would not be considered a breach of privacy.” After a pause, Lu Bancheng continued. “So, is her present condition good or bad?”

The doctor lowered his head. Thirty seconds later, he raised it and, looking directly at Lu Bancheng, he said, “Ms. Xu’s situation is rather bad.”

“She’s been coming here once a week for the past few months. She’s been having nightmares almost every night. At their worst, she had suicidal thoughts. She’s been on medication for a while, and it was under control, but a few days ago she ran into someone who triggered her emotions and she has become unstable again.”

She met someone she didn’t want to meet… In the past few days… Is that me?

Lu Bancheng moved his lips, but no sound came out and he waited silently for the doctor to continue speaking. “As you mentioned, the person whom she didn’t want to meet did things that deeply scarred her. At present, not only is she reluctant to meet that person, but also she’s consumed by fear and repulsion at the thought of any member of the opposite sex getting close to her.”

“Her job required her to be in contact with men, so she had no choice but to force herself to bear with it. But the more she did this, the worse her condition became.

“Actually, just two weeks ago, her condition had improved for the better. But I believe that once she ran into that man, everything went downhill again.

“When she came here this afternoon, she kept insisting that she couldn’t take it anymore. I had a long chat with her and, while she was emotionally stable when she left, I know our session won’t provide relief beyond a few days.

“Actually, based on current circumstances, the best solution would be for her to cut off all contact with this person she is so terrified to meet, because he can only agitate her and worsen her condition.”

The doctor spoke for a long time and, after he was done, he asked curiously, “May I inquire, what is your relationship with Ms. Xu?”

Lu Bancheng didn’t respond to the doctor’s question and stared out the window into the sky, which was now completely dark. After a while, he retracted his gaze and threw out a word of thanks to the doctor before he rose to leave.

When the doctor saw him stand up, he hurriedly followed suit and passed the money on the table back to Lu Bancheng. “Sir, I do not need this money. Please take it back…”

Lu Bancheng ignored the gesture and walked toward the door as if he hadn’t heard anything.

“Sir? Sir?” The doctor pushed away his chair.

Still unresponsive, Lu Bancheng reached out his hand and held onto the door handle. Before he pushed the door open, as if he suddenly remembered something, he turned and looked at the doctor, who was now less than a foot away from him. “Don’t tell her that I came,” he said, and then opened the door and left without waiting for the doctor’s response.

He exited the building and stood by the side of the road. The tepid summer breeze blew straight in his face, which worsened his feelings of suppression and heartache. All along, he had never really liked to smoke, but right now his mouth tasted extremely bitter and astringent. He stood without moving for a moment and then paced to a nearby store and impulsively bought a pack of cigarettes. After lighting one up, he inhaled furiously, to the point of accidentally choking himself. Doubled over, he began to cough violently.