Back Then, I Adored You

“They asked me to come back to…” Soldiers were typically asked to prepare their will before they went on any assignment, but because Qin Zhi’ai was pregnant Gu Yusheng did not dare mention that word for fear of upsetting her. He paused to think of a better way to tell her and then said, “They asked me to come back to talk to you.”

“Xiao’ai, listen…” Gu Yusheng pulled Qin Zhi’ai out from his arms so he could look into her eyes as he said word by word, “I want you to remember one thing. Remember this: Wait for me to come back to marry you.”

My beautiful country, I will not let you down.

Qin Zhi’ai, I will not let you down either.

We are going to be apart, but I will come back in one piece. I will bring you a whole Gu Yusheng back to you.

…

After they got home and went to bed, Gu Yusheng and Qin Zhi’ai snuggled until 3:00 a.m. Qin Zhi’ai was exhausted, but as she was almost completely asleep she reminded Gu Yusheng, “Yusheng, you have to wake me up before you leave in the morning.” He responded, “Okay,” and patted her to soothe her back to sleep.

Gu Yusheng didn’t sleep at all the entire night, but he was not sleepy, either. He watched Qin Zhi’ai with the dim night light in the silent room. He continued watching her well beyond dawn, until his cell phone vibrated next to the pillow. He took a shower, dressed, and packed his suitcase.

Gu Yusheng did not want to wake Qin Zhi’ai up when he saw her so soundly sleeping. Once his car arrived at the entrance, he was about to leave when she suddenly woke up from a dream. Gu Yusheng waited a few minutes for her to wash herself and dress before they walked downstairs together. He stressed to the housekeeper and the caretaker more than once to take good care of Qin Zhi’ai.

The car door had already been opened by a driver in a military uniform. He stood by the car and waited for Gu Yusheng. The housekeeper and the caretaker went back into the house to give Gu Yusheng and Qin Zhi’ai a moment to themselves.

Gu Yusheng and Qin Zhi’ai quietly looked at each other for a long time. He bent down to kiss her forehead between her brows and then the bump through her dress. He then lifted his hand to touch her long hair and calmly said, “I’m leaving now.”

Qin Zhi’ai slightly nodded and responded to him with an “okay.” Gu Yusheng gave Qin Zhi’ai one more long look before he turned around and walked to the car.

Qin Zhi’ai unconsciously followed after him for a few steps. She stopped and watched his straight back as he walked away from her. When he got to the car, she could not help calling his name. “Yusheng!” Gu Yusheng stopped, but he didn’t turn around to look at her. Ten seconds later, he passed the suitcase to the driver and ducked into the car. He looked straight ahead of him and ignored Qin Zhi’ai when he saw her approaching out of the corners of his eyes. As the driver was getting into the car, Gu Yusheng said, “Let’s go.”

He dared not look at her. He was afraid he would not be able to leave if he did. He tried to look as calm as possible as he urged the driver. “Go, please.” The car made its way down the driveway and to the gates. After they turned onto the road and gone a distance, Gu Yusheng finally looked back.

The girl with whom he was deeply in love was standing at the gates, watching his car leaving.