Chapter 50: Needless Pride

He considered giving the same answer he had given Krazz: that he was merely curious and wanted to look, but Nick had already spent part of his break helping him.

Pretending he had no real interest in learning would be a rather poor way to repay that.

"I haven’t had much luck finding someone willing to teach me anything," he said instead. "You were willing to show me, so I thought I might as well try to understand what I was looking at."

Nick remained quiet for a moment, then sat on the fallen trunk beside him. "What affinity do you have, then?"

Frost let out a breath, already regretting where the conversation was going. "Void."

Nick turned towards him, and Frost waited for the familiar reaction. A laugh, perhaps, or that doubtful look Harod had given him before deciding he had lost his mind.

Instead, Nick frowned slightly. "Void?"

"Yeah."

"I don’t think I’ve ever met someone with that affinity."

"Well, according to the people who tested me, you still haven’t," Frost replied, giving him a tired smile. "Nothing showed up when they checked, but my status says it’s there."

Nick looked at him for a little longer before glancing towards the others.

Randal was resting a short distance away, while Krazz sat against a tree with his eyes closed, most certainly finding no reason to participate in a conversation that didn’t involve complaining about someone.

"They checked twice," Frost added, keeping his voice low. "The second time was after I told them what I’d seen on my status. Same result."

"And you’re certain?"

Frost almost laughed at that, though he managed to keep it to a short breath through his nose. "I’ve had plenty of time to look at it. Believe me, I’ve checked."

Nick rubbed his jaw, clearly unsure what to make of the answer. Frost could hardly blame him; he had been living with the problem for weeks and still didn’t know what to make of it himself.

"I don’t know anything about void runes. In fact, I’ve never heard of them," Nick admitted eventually. "I wouldn’t even know where to tell you to look."

"That makes two of us," Frost said, lowering his gaze to the drawing. "Well, more than two, actually. Quite a few people have made it clear that they don’t know what I’m talking about."

Nick gave a small, awkward chuckle, then leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.

"Look, I can show you the triagrams I use, but I don’t want you thinking I’m promising to teach you a rune. I’m no teacher, and if you don’t have a water affinity, I can’t help you use mine."

"I know," Frost replied. "I’m not asking you to."

He looked at the lines in the dirt again, trying to put his thoughts into words without sounding as desperate as he felt.

"Right now, I barely understand anything about runes. I’ve spent weeks trying to find a guild, but every conversation ends as soon as they learn about the test results. So, even if this doesn’t help me use one, I’d still rather learn something than spend another day knowing nothing."

Nick listened without interrupting, and for once, Frost didn’t feel the need to defend himself. That alone made the conversation considerably less tiring than most of the others he had endured.

"Well, I can help with that much," Nick said after a moment. "I still have some notes from when I first started learning. Nothing fancy, mostly things I kept forgetting."

Frost looked up at him. "Notes?"

"Yeah. Basic explanations, a few drawings, things like that," Nick said with a shrug. "They won’t replace a rune tome, but you can have a look if you want. I’ll bring them tomorrow."

Frost stared at him for a moment before looking away, suddenly unsure what to say.

It wasn’t a tome, and it wasn’t a promise that he could become an evolver, but Nick was offering was still offering his help.

Frost found himself smiling.

The man had taken pity on him and given him this job as a porter, and now he was going even further than that.

Though it hurt his pride to have to rely so heavily on someone, Frost knew that sometimes, you had to put your pride aside, even take a bit of humiliation sometimes, just so one day, he could make it.

Pride without strength was also one way to get himself killed, and what use was dignity if he was dead?

It was nothing but needless pride.

After all, the stakes in this world were higher, and the more he learned, the more he realised that safety was a luxury.

Not too long ago, a massive section of the inner city had been destroyed by a bunch of rebels, apparently.

Frost didn’t know much about it, but he had seen the flames and smoke from a distance. After that, he heard a few people talking about it, and Reggier had said his boss had been talking about it as well.

Putting these thoughts aside, Frost shook his head, returning to the moment at hand.

"Thanks," he said. "I’d appreciate that."

"Just don’t ruin them," Nick replied, glancing towards Frost’s hands. "And wash those before you touch the pages. I’d rather not get them back smelling like everything we killed today."

Frost looked down at the dried blood around his fingernails, then gave him a small, embarrassed smile. "Fair enough."

Rosalie and Erzaci returned a few moments later, and Krazz opened his eyes as they approached. After a brief exchange about the way ahead, he got to his feet and brushed the dirt from his trousers.

"We’re moving," he said, looking towards Frost. "Pack on."

Frost nodded and stood, though he took one last look at the drawing before stepping away from it.

Randal lifted the pack for him, and he slipped his arms through the straps, bracing himself for the familiar weight.

His shoulders still hurt, his legs were still tired, and he remained just as far from using a rune as he had been that morning.

But when Nick walked past him and gave his arm a brief pat, Frost managed a small smile before following the others back into the trees.