Chapter 45: #FORTY-FIVE

NICHOLAS’S POV

I sat there with my hand still folded on my lap, forcing myself to keep that smile on my face even after the conversation had ended.

Mom continued watching me for another few seconds as though trying to decide whether to believe me or not. She’d always been good at reading me. Back when it had only been the two of us, I could never get away with pretending everything was alright. One glance was usually enough for her to know when I’d had a bad day at school or when something was bothering me.

Somehow, today, she chose not to push. Maybe she really believed me. Or maybe she simply thought I’d tell her whenever I was ready. Either way, I was grateful for it because if she asked me one more question, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to keep lying.

She stood up with a small sigh, smoothing out the creases in her blouse before brushing a hand over my hair like she always used to. "You’ve grown so much," she murmured, smiling to herself. "Every time I look at you, it feels like you’re becoming more independent."

I laughed quietly, telling her she was making me sound older than I actually was, but she only smiled wider before reminding me to eat properly and take care of myself. I hugged her one last time before she headed upstairs to change, promising we’d have a proper conversation once she wasn’t drowning in paperwork anymore.

The moment she disappeared, the whole peace and warmth she left behind seemed to disappear with her.

I remained in the living room for another minute before letting out a slow breath and dragging myself upstairs. My feet instinctively slowed when I reached Elijah’s door as I noticed it was shut.

I stared at it for a long moment. Part of me wanted to knock. The image of his face after I’d told him I hated him refused to leave my mind. I hadn’t meant those words. At least... not completely. I had been angry and frustrated. Watching him grab Jayden like that had made something inside me snap, and I’d lashed out with the cruelest thing I could think of. The problem was that I knew exactly how much those words had hurt him.

Just days ago... I’d admitted that I loved him. Now I’d told him I hated him.

Ugh.

I rubbed my forehead in frustration.

Maybe I should apologize. Maybe I should explain that I hadn’t been thinking straight. Maybe—

No.

I frowned to myself before continuing down the hallway.

If Elijah had even the slightest bit of humanity in him, he’d realize he was wrong for treating a sick person that way. Jayden could barely stand, yet he’d still been questioned like some criminal. If anyone deserved an apology first, it was Jayden.

Convincing myself of that made it easier to walk past Elijah’s room without knocking.

Once inside my own room, I tossed my school bag onto the chair and collapsed onto the bed with a groan.

Usually, I’d scroll through my phone whenever I was bored, but the new one Adrian had gotten me remained switched off on the bedside table. I didn’t even dare turn it back on. The thought of another anonymous message appearing on my screen was enough to make my stomach twist. Whoever the stalker was, they always seemed to know exactly when to contact me, and every message felt like another gut wrenching reminder that they were watching my every move.

I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling.

The whole place was too quiet.

Slowly, I walked to the window and stared outside. The mansion grounds were quiet, with only a few gardeners trimming hedges in the distance. I watched them for a while before pulling the curtains shut again.

This was futile. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Jayden coughing into his hand while Elijah held him by the shirt.

I let out an irritated groan and began pacing around the room instead, walking from one wall to the other over and over until I lost count. Thinking wasn’t helping. Sleeping wasn’t helping. My phone wasn’t an option. Even music sounded exhausting.

A knock sounded against the door a few hours later and I looked up immediately.

One of the maids poked her head inside with a polite smile.

"Young Master Nicholas?"

"Hm?" I cleared my throat, cursing myself for hoping it was Elijah.

"Madam is leaving."

I blinked. "So soon?"

"She asked if you’d like to see her before she goes."

I nodded almost immediately. "I’ll be right there."

By the time I reached the entrance hall, Mom already had her handbag resting on her shoulder while one of the staff held the front door open for her. She smiled the moment she saw me hurrying downstairs. "I was wondering if you’d stay hidden in your room."

"I thought you were staying for dinner." I sounded confused.

"So did I." She sighed tiredly. "Something urgent came up at the company. Gareth called a little while ago."

I frowned. "You’re going back?"

She nodded apologetically. "I’m afraid so."

"For how long?"

She hesitated. "I probably won’t be home tonight."

My shoulders dropped before I could stop them and she immediately noticed. "Oh, sweetheart..." She stepped closer and squeezed both my hands. "I’m sorry."

"You only just got here." I muttered.

"I know. I’m sorry."

"I thought we’d actually get to spend some time together."

"I wanted that too." She smiled sadly. "But things are a little hectic right now."

I looked away, trying not to sound as disappointed as I felt.. "So... tomorrow?"

She nodded. "Tomorrow."

"You promise?"

"I promise." She gently pinched my cheek. "It’s Saturday. I’ll clear my schedule, and we’ll spend the whole day together."

That was enough to make me smile again. "You’d better not cancel."

"I won’t." She hugged me once more before stepping outside. "Take care of yourself, Nicholas."

I took a deep breath. "I will."

Her voice dropped into a conspiratorial whisper. "And don’t forget your suppressants."

"...I won’t." The lie slipped out so naturally again that it still scared me.

She waved one last time before climbing into the waiting car and I stood there until the vehicle disappeared beyond the mansion gates.

With nothing else to do, I wandered back into the sitting room and threw myself onto one of the large sofas. The television was already on, some random comedy playing across the screen, but I couldn’t even remember what it was about. My eyes remained fixed on it while my mind drifted somewhere else entirely.

"So this is where you’ve been hiding."

I looked up to see Cassian strolling into the room with his usual lazy grin, one hand tucked into his pocket while the other balanced a bottle of water against his shoulder.

"There you are," he said. "I’ve been wondering why the house suddenly felt so peaceful."

I rolled my eyes. "It was peaceful until you walked in."

"Ouch." He placed a hand over his chest dramatically. "That one actually hurt."

I huffed. "It was supposed to."

He laughed as he dropped onto the sofa opposite mine, stretching his legs out comfortably. "You look terrible." He pointed out, giving me a glance.

"Thanks."

His lips curled into a smirk. "I meant it as a compliment."

"I doubt that."

"You’ve got bags under your eyes." He tilted his head. "Doesn’t really suit you."

That made me straighten. "I have?"

"Mhm."

"...I don’t even know what’s playing on the screen. Fuck." I rubbed my eyes.

The grin slowly slipped from his face and his posture straightened. "...Nick?"

"Hm?"

"What happened?" He asked.

I opened my mouth, then closed it again.

Where was I even supposed to begin?

"I..." Before I could force the words out, the front door opened and Roman and Adrian’s voice drifted across the houae.

A moment later, both of them walked into the sitting room looking far more relaxed than I’d seen them in days, discussing something that had apparently happened at work. Whatever it was, it had them smiling.

I stared at them blankly for a second. They seemed so calm, but it felt like I was losing my shit here.

The first tear landed on my hand before I even realized I was crying.

Cassian’s smile vanished instantly. "Nicholas?"

Roman stopped talking mid-sentence and Adrian frowned. "What happened?" Roman asked, immediately crossing the room.

I shook my head.

"Nicholas," Adrian said more gently, crouching in front of me. "Talk to us."

"You..." My voice cracked. "You don’t care."

The three of them exchanged confused glances. "What?"

"You all just..." I wiped furiously at my face, only for more tears to replace the ones I’d brushed away. "You disappeared for hours."

"Nicholas—"

"You left me here by myself." I croaked.

Cassian stepped closer. "We were working."

"I don’t care!" The words burst out louder than I’d intended. "I was scared!"

No one could say anything.

"You all keep saying you’ll protect me..." My breathing became uneven. "But every time something happens, I’m alone."

"Nicholas," Roman said quietly, "what are you talking about?"

I couldn’t answer because I didn’t even know where to start.

Before another word could be spoken, a calm voice drifted down from the staircase.

"...I will." All four of us turned at once to see that Elijah stood halfway down the stairs and his expression was unreadable. "I’ll tell you what happened."