Chapter 1157: To Be Human

". . ."

Allura couldn’t help but laugh helplessly as she watched Alice gently punch her leg even though she had no physical form.

Based on her reaction, Allura could tell the girl had calmed down somewhat.

"Alright alright, stop sulking already. What did mom say that upset you?" Allura tried to pacify but Alice simply puffed up her cheeks.

"Stop being such a baby now. I can’t even hold you since you’re in soul form."

"Wah~ wah it’s baby Alice. I’m only a kid after all." Alice stuck out her tongue before shuffling around on her chair with her back to Allura.

Allura was about to say something when Alice spoke first.

"Don’t say that..."

"Hm?"

"The whole "Even if the sky collapses" thing... That you won’t let them reach me as long as you live." Alice mumbled.

"It’s ominous. I don’t like it." She sulked, her eyes seemingly glued to the floor.

"If you don’t like it then mom won’t say it. But it’s the truth you know? I won’t let anything hurt you as long as I’m around." Allura leaned in closer.

"But if you do that, how do you think I’ll feel? I’m just a product. An experiment." Alice turned around, staring Allura in the eyes.

"But all of you are living breathing people. I’m not even kind, the only thing rolling around up here is ways to kill people. All my convictions and thoughts I thought were my own disappeared the moment I stopped mixing with Alyss. It’s clear which sides belonged to her and which sides belong to me."

Though she didn’t say it outright, Allura couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness in her chest.

After all...

Right now, her daughter was saying her love was misplaced. That it shouldn’t be used on someone like her.

Someone who doesn’t consider herself as ’human’.

Simply a product.

Allura thought about her words carefully.

She thought back to everything she ever endured, and a small smile crept on her face.

"So you’re worried about being ’human’?" Allura asked.

If this was the case then it might be easier to resolve than she had thought.

After all...

She had witnessed Velouria herself dispel those with doubts.

Beasts who had gained a human form yet unsure as to whether or not they were still human.

Alice hesitantly nodded.

Right now, she was akin to a small child waiting for story time and Allura couldn’t help but let out a small giggle before folding her arms.

"Let’s see here... Some of these words are Velouria’s very own words with some of my own thoughts mixed into them. But let’s begin with the most basic question.

"What it means to be human. To me, being human does not mean having kindness. It’s not even compassion or the ability to love. The most important part of being human... I think is the will to endure.

"To stumble, fall, to suffer losses that leave you wondering whether you have anything left to give. But you endure. You meet more people who change the way you see the world, you watch them leave, taking a piece of you with them.

"And you keep enduring. Because that is what it means to live as a human.

"The person you were five years ago, the things you believed in, the things you feared. The things you thought you could live without. Ask yourself this, are you still that person?" Allura smiled, lightning up another cigarette.

"Of course not! You changed. Every person you have met, every hand that reached out to you. Every wound, every kindness, every relationship, every hatred. They have all left their mark upon you.

"You are not the person who began this journey. The you right now, the you sitting here, looking at me, is the sum of yourself plus everyone who walked beside you. And that’s how it should be."

Though she couldn’t touch Alice, Allura reached out and pressed her palm above Alice’s heart.

"You started this journey as a blank canvas. An empty vessel with no meaning beyond the purpose that had been assigned to you. A tool, a weapon designed to destroy with nothing you could call your own or even what you could deem as ’yourself’.

"But look at you now. Look at the marks left behind by others upon your soul.

"The lessons you learned, the convictions you inherited. The kindness you showed when there is no reason to do so. The words that stayed with you even after the people who spoke then are gone..."

Alice closed her eyes.

She recalled the faces of Lilia and Renna.

"Every single one of them, the living and the dead, have left something behind in your heart. If you were nothing more than a tool for destruction, why would you grieve?

"You may have claimed to have separated yourself from Alyss but I don’t see it that way. A tool doesn’t know emotion, a tool cannot think for itself. A tool cannot grieve what it has lost.

"But let’s look at yourself. If you were a tool why would you feel the aching emptiness when you think about the people you have lost. Why would you look back at the ones no longer here and wish with all your heart that things could’ve been different?"

Allura knew Alice wasn’t a tool. She wasn’t simply another experiment. She was a person who grew beyond Nyer’s own expectations, grew beyond the boundaries he set for her. She had become an exception.

She had become human.

"You know what it means to have something precious, you know what it means to have someone beside you. You know what it means to laugh, cry and hope for a tomorrow that might never come.

"You ache and cry because you understand what you had gained.

"You cannot mourn something you have never known. You cannot long for a hand you never held. You can’t feel the weight of an absence without understanding what it means to have someone there.

"This sorrow, this regret, this anger towards yourself. It’s proof that you are human. That you endured. It’s proof that something has changed from the time you trapped in that room."

Alice bit her lip.

"I know you’re having trouble. That you don’t know what to do with these destructive thoughts swarming your mind. But are these thoughts all that you will ever be? No right?" Allura smiled gently.

"Does a seed buried in the dirt give up because it’s never felt sunlight? No! It claws through the mud, it digs through the dirt. It reaches higher than the others, further than the others just so that it could reach the radiance that will give it life.

"When a child falls, do they decide they were never meant to walk? No! They get back up. Every time they fall, they learn something new. When they stumble, they find out the ground is uneven. When they reach out and find no one there, they learn to stand on their own.

"And when someone finally takes their hand, they learn that they are not always alone.

"You cannot erase the terrible thought that crosses your mind. But you can learn to live with them. To live is a constant battle of endurance. One that tests your will to the absolute limit.

"But the people around you make this battle easier."

This was the lesson that Allura was still trying to uphold to this day.

To understand that not everything needed to be dealt with by herself. To trust in those around her.

However... there was someone else Allura wanted to say. If she didn’t say this, Alice might feel too much pressure in trying to become ’human’ in one go.

"If the father and daughter can’t uphold this lesson, it’s up to the mother to teach them properly don’t you agree?"

"!!!"

Alice looked up in surprise.

Though Allura was grinning, her ears were completely red.

". . ." Alice was silent.

These were the kinds of people around her.

The people who wanted to support her.

It wasn’t even the first time she’s had doubts. Every time she thought herself past these issues, it comes rearing its ugly head stronger than ever.

And each time, one of her friends had pulled her out of the mire.

A small smile hung on her lips.

To be human is to endure.

For her, that’ll be the endurance to not fall to these destructive tendencies.

She didn’t have to overcome it in one attempt. She could chip away at it little by little.

Every time she endures, the base line raises slight. If she trips, it’s not like she’ll instantly fall to the bottom.

What she needed to do was catch herself quickly and keep climbing.

That is to endure.

That is to be human.

For humans, they might not necessarily understand this lesson.

After all, they were humans to begin with.

But being human is not simply to be born one. ’Human’ is the spirit, the willpower carried in your chest.

So.

For a monster like herself...

The path to becoming human was rather clear cut.

As long as the will of humanity rests within her chest, she can consider herself ’human’.

"I don’t know about myself but I’m sure Ka- Ahem. I’m sure dad would have some trouble. He’s dumb enough to leave mom behind even though he’s trying to do something good. What if mom get’s swept up by someone else." Alice giggled, folding her arms in front of her chest in a manner similar to Allura.

The cheerful grin on her face finally resembled what she was like previously.

Seeing this, Allura could finally let out a breath of relief.

Soon after, she realised what had just happened and her face burned hot.

She basically confirmed she wanted Kaden to be the father while Alice called him dad...

Clutching her own head in embarrassment, Allura squirmed on the spot while Alice simply laughed.